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post #141 of 180

Oh, Kenya, I'm just so sorry about all those feelings hitting you all at once. (DH and I had a similar type of conversation last night, too.) I really hear you because I too tend to be very aware and of my body, and can usually sense hormone variations very distinctly. And I'm pretty level-headed when it comes to assessing symptoms, so when I do allow myself to hope - it's not for nothing, you know? I'm just so sorry you're in that place where it hurts to hope and hurts not to hope. Please be kind to yourself - don't blame yourself for hoping. It is not only human, but a beautiful part of being human. You are wise about yourself and your hope was completely legitimate, in my opinion. I know the only thing we can really do is focus our hopes and energy into doing everything we can for the next cycle. (As well as allowing ourselves to just feel whatever we're feeling, of course.) So I think you're looking in the right direction - forward. I don't have a good knowledge of annovulatory cycles so I hope someone else will chime in. And do not ever feel like you need to apologize for venting, that's what we're here for!


I have to add - I am seriously done with doctors who tell young women that because they are young and seem otherwise healthy, they cannot have a health problem. Same thing happened to me and that is the only reason why I'm heading into year three of ttc. Never again - second opinion, third opinion, be pushy, whatever it takes. Ugh!


cbaa, I smiled so big when I read what you wrote - I'm so glad ttc feels good again!


Rebavoo, yay for being into the FET cycle!!!


shesaidboom, IMO it is objectively insensitive (not to mention oversharing) to complain on FB because you did not get pg immediately. I have been on both sides of this fence - I got pg with DS on a second cycle ttc - so I feel I can say this. At that time, I was aware that at least one of my friends was dealing with IF and probably more that I didn't know about. And I was sensitive to that. I don't think people without IF should in any way feel bad or apologetic for their good news. I would never hold it against anyone that they get pg quickly and are overjoyed about it - um, who wouldn't be? Can I understand that it's difficult for someone even with just one month of being disappointed? Of course. However, someone who has zero sense of perspective is being insensitive. I will admit I get a little irritated on the general ttc boards when someone who has been trying for a short time and gets pg says something like, "It was just my time - it was meant to be." What does that say about people with IF? That we don't deserve to get pg? I realize that's not the intention, but frankly that's the logical implication. I don't say anything because it's just not worth it, but it irks me.


So yeah, BFN today and I believe I'm out. I know it's early but my strips are super sensitive. And there's my intuition which is screaming not pregnant. No particular reason, just intuition, FWIW. I'll test tomorrow and Sunday (because the strips are dirt cheap, so why not) but yeah - ready for next cycle. I hope it comes Tuesday as scheduled.

post #142 of 180
Thread Starter 

Kenya, I'm so sorry that you were feeling so down. IF sucks, doesn't it? All these emotions and then, if you ever hope and it doesn't come to be, it's like the most painful feeling ever. That's how I felt last time, with the IVF. That was one of the first times I cried uncontrollably, even crying in the office. I am so sorry and all I can say is that we are here for you. grouphug.gif I'm not sure about anovulatory cycles but I believe that is why they give drugs like clomid and letrozole...these drugs help stimulate the development of follicles and eventual ovulation. You may want to ask your RE about that because usually, you would be followed while on these drugs too, which may give you a better idea of what the heck is happening in there. I hope that you get an RE soon and you get an answer!


Gozal, I'm so sorry about the negative but yes, definitely keep testing. Intuition counts for a lot, sure, but I'm hoping your intuition is off, just this once!


Shesaidboom, I would have probably replied with a scathing remark on facebook. haha or at least I would have THOUGHT of a scathing remark. I feel like so many people are self involved and just really selfish. Nothing brings that out more than sites like facebook. Those people who post constantly get on my nerves sometimes because really, do we need to know everything about what you ate and what happened when you got your coffee? sigh although maybe it's just me. By the way, I am with Gozal, I hate those doctors that say that nothing can be wrong with you, just because you're young. I think that I might have bought that more when I was younger and more afraid to speak up but these days, I find that I'm much more empowered and less likely to blindly believe my doctor. I really hope that other people joining in here will also feel that way as well...we need to take control of our health because too often, I think that doctors really are too busy to give us all the time we need. And they aren't infallible. They are human and make mistakes, just like all of us!


Cbaa, yah for triggering tonight! As I'm writing at 5:30 right now, I hope you triggered already! Are you ready for some fun BDing?? winky.gif haha my fingers are crossed for you!!


Monkey and Brichole, how are you doing?


AFM, started the estrogen last night so I'm on my way. Just found out that I probably have to go to Zurich Switzerland for work on Monday (until Friday). Nothing like short notice. I was really upset about that because I really hate flying and therefore, it usually takes me a few weeks to mentally prepare for travel like this. Also, i really really hate leaving home and traveling. I don't mind it when DH is there with me but I always just feel so homesick. Oh well. I guess I just have to get used to the idea during this weekend because there is a large chance I have to go.



post #143 of 180

monkey - the only reason I haven't switched drs is because it is nearly impossible to find docs taking new patients here, and she's a million times better than the last one I had. I agree with you on the first try people!


kenyasolovely - isn't it awful how some doctors ignore what's going on with us just because we're young? It took me four years to be diagnosed with PCOS because my doctor said I was young and was imagining my symptoms. Because of that my PCOS got way worse, and I gained about 100lbs no matter what I tried to do to stop it. I'm sure I was imagining that weight gain too, right? I switched drs and finally got some help, but again, she's been making me work for referrals and reversing the damage is much harder than avoiding it to begin with. Sorry, I'm making this about me. I just feel you on that one and am so frustrated and upset for you. I'm so sorry this cycle is so confusing and that BFN came as a surprise. I think your feelings are completely justified and normal, and please come here and vent whenever you need to. We're always here to listen and offer whatever support we can. I wish things could be easier. hug2.gif


gozal - I agree! I think a lot of people tend to overshare on FB. Oh, I completely agree with you on not keeping back the good news. I'm always happy for my friends who are pg, even though I'm sad for myself. You should never feel guilty for being happy, even with being sensitive to others. Part of the reason I didn't say anything on fb is because I know even one month can be frustrating when you want something so badly, and from her experience one month is probably a lot. It's just so frustrating for me because it has been so long. So it's one of those I understand and sympathize, but still want to slap them kind of thing.
 I am irked by the same thing, so I don't even read the generic TTC boards. I also left an infertility support group on a different website because most of the members had been TTC for less than 6 months and the advice given started getting along the lines of "just stop trying and it'll happen" "chart your CM, I did and finally got pg". I wish it were that easy for all of us!
I'm sorry about the BFN. I'm hoping for good news for you next cycle!


renvaoo - FB definitely caters to oversharing. I'm constantly debating deleting mine because I'm always left feeling awful when I read it, but it's the only way to keep in touch with certain friends, unfortunately.
I'm getting to be the same way with drs. I was the doormat who just went along with it, but now I am assertive and get what I want. I'm not letting my health get messed up again because I'm 'young'. Shouldn't they help us deal with problems while we're 'young' so it's not more complicated later? There was actually a study I read while I was in school for Kinesiology that showed how preventative health care, rather than treatment based, saved millions of dollars a year. I wish I still had it on hand. I'm getting away from the point, but that just makes it more frustrating for me.
Sorry for the short notice travel! Hopefully you wont have to go though.


post #144 of 180

Renavoo:  I'm doing much better today.  Things are okay...not perfect but okay.  DH is going to get to claim unemployment (which still isn't much) and he is going out this week to start putting applications in at different places.  Most people are just hiring for "seasonal" work right now but some times those jobs can turn into perm. jobs...so i'm praying for the best!  The stress level at the house is still up because Emma is trying to get more teeth in so she's back to not sleeping well at night which leads to me and DH not sleeping well which leads to fighting at 12 am 3 am and 430 am this morning.  NOT fun!!!  ANYWAYS, I'm pulling a 16 hour day today at work...which is CRAZY but at least things are slow and we are getting to enjoy some football!!! I'm also so excited about it being fall officially.  It feels so wonderful outside!  I'm looking forward to hearing back from the nurse next week from my blood test that was done last monday and to go ahead and set up to have my reduction done.  Me and one of my best friends from high school are also going to start working out together every wednesday and thursday from now on and I"m SOOOOO excited to have someone to be my "motivation" lol.  I'll have to take 6 weeks off during my surgery recovery time but i can still walk around the neighborhood which will help keep me motivated to continue to lose the weight.  I"m already down 8lbs after a month of eating right and watching my intake of cokes.  I"m super proud of myself because i've given myself a 6 month goal of 10lbs so i ALMOST made my goal this month. (i blame the 2 other lbs on the fact that this is my week for the witch and i always retain more fluid during my time of the month :) )    I hope that everyone is doing well....i can't believe that September is almost over and that October will be here next weekend.  This month has just flown by.  (RENAVOO i'm sure it hasn't flown by for you though....)  I pray that October brings much needed rest, peace, and happiness to all of us here.  I know that I'm not trying anymore for a while but i'm happy i get to be here to at least read about you ladies going thru your journies.  I hope that by the time that i'm ready to TTC again (if i ever get to that point again) you ladies have all moved on to a DDC!!!  Have a great weekend ladies!!!!!

post #145 of 180
Thread Starter 

Brichole, WOW for the weight loss and congrats! That is so fantastic! And i'm so glad you're doing it the right way and losing weight through a healthy lifestyle change. I'm so sorry that the family is so stressed. I bet DH is very stressed about everything right now but I do wish that he would stop arguing with you...that's not fair to you or the children because you guys are stressed too. And you, working a 16 hour day! My heart just goes out to you. I don't know how you stay so cheerful but you are truly awe inspiring and I just want to give you a big hug!!!


And, even if I become pregnant, I plan on being here for you when you're finally ready to try again!!


Shesaidboom, just a few more days until the RE visit, right?! i'm so excited to hear what they say for you. I know it will be a stressful day what with the rushing and your DH having to get back to work so I hope that you get some time to relax! Let us know what the RE thinks. I hope that not only does the RE have some answers for you but also, that you feel comfortable moving on with whatever you need in the future.


AFM, nothing doing here. still waiting. haha but generally, feeling fine. taking my estrogen and just generally, trying to take it easy. Saw my nephew today and I love him so much already. He's so cute! He actually may have to have surgery in the future because his chin is really deformed (they think that it was because my SIL's womb was too small so his knee was hitting into the chin too much) but hopefully he will grow out of it. Regardless, I'm already overprotective of him! haha i hate to see what i'm going to be like when I'm a mother then!


Big hugs everyone. I just wanted to let you all know how much i appreciate you all. You guys make me feel like part of a community and definitely take away the loneliness that i'm sure some other women may feel when they don't have someone to talk to. Thank you ladies!!




post #146 of 180

Renavoo:  I'm  blush.gifing!!! LOL  I just do what i have to to get the bills paid ...even if it means for me not to be able to sleep!!!  At least my boss is letting me come in a little late tomorrow which makes me happy.  I'll still end up with OT but not as much as it could have been!


This has been a really long day ladies.  I have watched teen mom, Awkward (i'm addicted to mtv lol i am SOOOOOO critical of the mom's on teen mom and 16 and pregnant because i feel like they believe they are the only girls on earth to ever have gotten pregnant at a young age...but guess what!!! I"M THE PRODUCT OF A TEEN MOM and she and my dad are still together after being married for 28 years this october)  ANYWAYS, i could write a WHOLE page on how those girls drive me crazy complaining about everyday stuff and not getting to see their friends...that's what happens when you have a baby...you have to take care of the baby before your own needs PERIOD!!!! Ok, anyways again, i also watched football all day and now i'm finishing up watching Finding Nemo with one of my co-workers...I did take time to visit a website on my phone to get me and DH some personals for us to try to make things more interesting....Several people from where I live think that "personal things" for the bedroom are for evil people...lol. I just love how people think that those who have toys/aides/lotions/lubes/etc are sick people. Maybe i'm in the worng but  I think it's fine personally...you need to keep things interesting and for the past several years DH has had to perform on demand for our trying for a baby and now that she's here our sex life has been up and down....mainly down this past month but of course there were other things that were more important to take care of. 



post #147 of 180
Bleh. I am sick. greensad.gif Slight fever, nasty deep cough, sore throat and bodyache. We're finally home, but no church for me because I'm sick. (I could probably make ig through the main meeting, but I'd feel like garbage, and no one needs my sick.) Dh's sister's birthday is today, too, and I don't know if I'm up for the drive or if I should expose the ILs to the sick. Guess I'll see how I feel this evening.
post #148 of 180

I'm sorry you're sick Monkey :(  I hope it passes quickly.


renavoo - yup! Just two more days. I am nervous, but excited. I'm worried about ending up disappointed because I've put so much stock into this being IT, this being when something will happen, and who knows when it really will?


brichole - it's good to see an update from you. I'll bet things are pretty crazy right now! I'm glad you're doing a little better, and congrats on the weight loss. Those MTV shows are so addicting, aren't they? I've had to stop watching teen mom because I get so critical and end up feeling sorry for myself. I still sneak it in sometimes though. Also, nothing wrong with spicing things up!



I'm having a rough day today. I sprained my ankle last night, which is really all I needed this week. I guess I just need to hobble through.

post #149 of 180
Thread Starter 

Monkey and Shesaidboom, big hug.gif to you two!! i'm so sorry that you guys aren't feeling well. Monkey, did you feel well enough to go to see the ILs? I hope that you did although, if not, I hope you got a lot of rest!


Shesaidboom, I'm very hopeful for you!!! At the very least, I just hope you get a better idea of what your options are!


Brichole, I love teen mom too. haha i am so ashamed to admit it but i watch pretty much to watch the car wrecks. I feel so bad for the children, especially those having to deal with abusive parents or grandparents...I always wonder if some of the people could actually be THAT bad but then I've decided that if they could, I'm sure they wouldn't want to appear as awful as they do. I know they always blame the editing but some of the things they say or do just speak so badly of them. I love bridezillas too...it's always good for a laugh! By the way, go you for getting some fun stuff for the bedroom thumb.gif


AFM, Nothing doing. Still waiting to hear whether i'm going to be traveling tomorrow. yes, at almost 11pm on a Sunday night, I STILL don't know whether I'm going to be traveling overseas to another continent tomorrow evening. It's fantastically annoying! i just don't think that this whole thing is very professional...I'm just feeling especially annoyed because I've been thinking about it all weekend so they managed to sort of ruin my weekend for me. But I did get to see my nephew and hang out a lot with my DH. He's being so wonderful because he knows how anxious I get when flying and traveling...he's been spending some extra quality time with me. Of course, right now, he's playing a video game. haha will men never grow up?


By the way, today, I've had these continuous muscle twitches on my arm. It has been insanely annoying because it just hasn't stopped. Has anyone ever had those twitches? Painless but repetitive spasms. If you guys have, what did you do for it?




post #150 of 180
Thanks for the sympathy. smile.gif So far, fever is much lower this morning, hacking cough is gone, and headache/earache are pretty much gone. Sore throat is back with a vengeance, though. And non-productive coughing that hurts due to the aforementioned sore throat. ILs is rescheduled for tonight due to SIL being very busy yesterday. Thinking good thoughts for all of you, hopefully will be up to getting on the computer later and doing personals.
post #151 of 180

kenya - Sorry things aren't going so well for you! As far as anovulatory bleeding, my understanding is that you just treat it as if were normal AF - i.e., you start counting the first day of bleeding as CD 1.


gozal - Any update? Still BFN? Hoping not!!


renavoo - Sorry your work is being so stupid! That's crazy that they're not letting you know if you're traveling internationally until less than 24 hours beforehand! OTOH, good thing you got your doctor to prescribe non-injectable meds, huh? Not too much longer till your transfer!!


shesaidboom - Where are you at again? Is it Canada? Sorry you've had such a bad time getting a decent doc. And the ankle thing sucks. :(


brichole - There are really people who think lube is dirty and wrong?? Really?? I'm more conservative than many people, and there are things I'd probably be uncomfortable with, even just between me and my husband, but lube? I think that's a deeply necessary thing for many people! Anyway, hope you and your dh can reconnect in some good ways!


AFM, okay, spoke waaaay to soon about the hacking cough. I am coughing so much it's nearly making me vomit. But the fever seems to be gone, the sore throat has gotten better, and the body aches, ear ache, and headache seem mostly gone as well.

post #152 of 180

monkey- I'm sorry you are so sick, time to crawl into bed and sleep it off!


shesaidboom- it's always something isn't it... I hope your ankle is feeling better today!


brichole- I think if you are using them together, all the power to ya! Everyone has an opinion, most of them need to be ignored- TTC/Marriage is tough... excitement is sometimes necessary... that said, we don't have any toys, just pre-seed... booooooring!


renavoo- are you international right now? I would be so distraught if I was to find out if I were travelling internationally with less than 24 hours notice. When do you start your meds? Transfer is coming soon right? What are you doing to prepare/pass the time? As far as the muscle twitches, I had that happen around my right ovary for more than 2 weeks (annovulatory cycle), it drove me crazy. I'm not sure what finally made it go away, but I hope yours has gone away now and you are getting some peace.



AFM- 1 DPO... No symptoms to obsess over, no more BDing, no more Doctor appts, just waiting out the week- Acupuncture on Saturday for implantation. Pretty much I'm just tired, I am pretty excited that this is the first cycle in a long time I haven't had ovulation bleeding, and on top of that I didn't wake up with super tender boobs which has never happened as long as I can remember after O. My nips are sore from the HCG, I am hoping to use this as a signal for after it goes away, if I am pregnant that my nipples will get sore first, since my only other trigger symptom is slight cramps... BTW, my sister found out Friday she is pregnant- first try after PPAF- I am super happy for them, but it makes me even more hopeful that this works and sticks so I don't get left behind.



post #153 of 180

Hi ladies,

I know it appears I've been MIA, but I have actually been reading all your posts and keeping up.  I work sort of long, crazy hours, so I don't always have a chance to respond, but I do enjoy reading what's going on with everyone.  DH and I went to see the fertility specialist this morning, and that was interesting.  It's our first visit ever, so it was a bit of a learning experience.  He did an ultrasound, which I was not expecting!  The good thing is that he said things look alright.  They also took blood to test the egg quality, etc. so we'll see what happens with that.  I'm going in next Thursday for an HSG (now I actually know what that is!).  Hopefully all looks good there, too.  He went over DH's results as well, and he said the counts and everything looked good, so .... we'll see.  It's weird, though, because I kind of had in my head that the problem was most likely with DH, but the doctor didn't seem to place that much importance in his results. 


Anyway, I hope you ladies who are sick get better soon.  Shesaidboom - good luck tomorrow! 


Thanks for the opportunity to "talk" about this stuff with you all.  I'm a really private person when it comes to this stuff, so it's kind of neat to be able to share what's really going on with me here ... since I really would NEVER talk about any of this with people in person!!  Crazy, I know ... but I've always been like that!  :)  Have a good night, ladies!

post #154 of 180

Ugh. My fever reappeared during the night, and I spent most of the night trying not to drown/suffocate in mucus. Not pretty. Now I feel like garbage again. mecry.gif

post #155 of 180

Eek, life has been busy - sorry I've been so quiet lately. I'm kind of devastated about this cycle, I guess cause it's my first one after the mtx and it just felt like - finally a chance. I promise, I'll try to be back later! Thinking of you guys!

post #156 of 180
Originally Posted by gozal View Post

Eek, life has been busy - sorry I've been so quiet lately. I'm kind of devastated about this cycle, I guess cause it's my first one after the mtx and it just felt like - finally a chance. I promise, I'll try to be back later! Thinking of you guys!

THis is basically where I am.  And I've been SO BUSY, too!  I have started about 4 response posts and abandoned them for work or family stuff.  I am still waiting for my hCG serum results, but my home test was BFN at 14 DPO.  I am 16 DPO now and crampy with a heavy uterus - feeling classic PMS, minus the tenderness in my boobs.  So it looks like I will finally give in and do the HSG.  Any perspectives on HSG and HMG in the same cycle?



I will be back asap to do individuals.

post #157 of 180
Thread Starter 

Hi Ladies, I'm so sorry that it seems like almost everyone is having a bad few days :o(

Monkey, I hope you feel better soon. It sounds like a really awful infection. It sounds like you have the flu? Are you going to see the doctor?

Gozal, hug2.gif I'm so sorry. It will happen soon! I wish I could say something that would help you feel better but I understand that it's so difficult and the negative feelings take time to get past.

Cbaa, YAH to being in your 2ww, even though it's really boring.

MammaMia, sorry about your BFN. :o(


I'll come back and go through more personals later.

Landed in Zurich and I'm going through slides with the team. Can't wait to sleep tonight!


post #158 of 180

Yep, I'm in Canada.


I saw the fertility specialist today and was told they don't see patients with BMIs over 30. Is this common? I did not expect this at all.

post #159 of 180

Umm.... WHAT?? I have never heard anything like that! Maybe because my BMI isn't (yet) close to that? I understand that being overweight causes fertility problems, but PCOS can severely screw with you ability to maintain a healthy weight. I'm sure other hormonal problems can do the same. So will they not do anything for you at all? That is so crappy!

post #160 of 180

So I've done some more poking around and it seems the cut-off is supposed to be a BMI of 35, so I guess this place is going extreme? Mine is just over 32 right now, and yeah, my PCOS seemed to spiral out of control at some point and because my dr at the time wasn't taking me seriously I gained about 100 lbs for no reason, and losing any of it has been nearly impossible. I eat very well and my exercise regimine is good (I walk for at least 1.5 hours every day, I do 30-45 mins on the elliptical every second day, I do yoga 3x per week, and I do a little bit of strength training 2x per week). My blood sugar levels are optimal, my blood pressure is excellent, my heart rate is good, it's just this number on the scale that I can't get past. I got a script for Metformin, which I was on a couple years back for months and had zero changes with, but it can't hurt to try again. Until then? My weekly recap will be "trying to lose weight so a fertility specialist will help me" irked.gif

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