SEPTEMBER 2011 INFERTILITY ONE THREAD! - Page 4

[renavoo]

Brichole, big hugs to you. We are all here for you during this difficult time. Monkey is right...having a plan would be the best thing because I think you'll feel a sense of peace to know what you want to do and what you need from DH.

Monkey and Cbaa, hehe I took a cooking class in college and the first lesson was cooking chocolate chip cookies. I somehow put in twice the amount of butter I was supposed to. Seriously, I felt bad for my roommates, who I forced to eat my food that semester. hehe needless to say, DH does most of the cooking. I always find it so fascinating because I'm a science major and did quite well in chem and organic chem lab. But for some reason, cooking was always more difficult; I think I have a mild form of ADHD and can't sit around waiting for something to cook. But boy, do I like to eat. hehehe And Monkey, you should DEFINITELY come down to NYC. hehe i'll show you what a hopeless case I am. You'll be surprised how easily i can screw up a super easy recipe.

It sounds like we have a good number of people in our Beautiful Uterus club. Monkey, Cbaa, SheSaidBoom, and me! We should make a logo. haha I'm giggling just thinking about how it will look.

By the way, Cbaa, that book sounds fascinating. I always think music can definitely impact your body. I know I feel differently depending on what music I listen to. As for endometrin, it doesn't really help you build up the uterine lining...it helps to increase the blood vessel support I believe; this is important to help implantation and to feed the fetus. However, if the lining isn't thick enough, implantation will be difficult so even with progesterone supplementation, it wouldn't really be effective. You may want to ask the doctor about using prometrium as a suppository. Just from my experience, oral usage of progesterone drove me CRAZY. I was a mad woman and constantly exhausted. Since i've been using progesterone as a supplement, I've felt much better. It sucks to have to stick it "up there" but i prefer it MUCH more than the oral supplementation. I also am a huge fan of the trigger just because it's kind of a guarantee that you ovulate but more importantly, it tells you basically when you ovulate so you can BD at the correct time. But I'm hoping that you get your BFP this time around so it won't be an issue for you at all!!!

ShesaidBoom, I'm with you...babies shouldn't be this expensive BEFORE they are born!! But it will be worth it and hopefully, this is your month!

Let's make September be a month of record BFPs!!

AFM, ok i'm freaking out a little. I have a lump on my ear lobe. Technically, I've had it for a few months but I assume it was a cyst. It regressed a little, getting smaller. But it has now gotten bigger again. And, my jaw is really hurting (I think that it's because I'm grinding my teeth while sleeping...I was told by my dentist that I definitely grind my teeth a lot). However, what if it's cancer!? I know I'm a hypochondriac but I am worried I can't even make an appointment to see my derm to have it checked out. Oh well, I am having lunch with a doctor friend tomorrow so hopefully, he can look at it. the only problem is he's an anesthesiologist. But I'll take anything at this time!! Ok, I'm breathing again...

[blueyezz4]

Brichole - Sending hugs your way!!   I'm so sorry you are going through this and i just can't believe that he is doing this to you!  Drives me nuts that SOME men don't have any morals or value a relationship like they should.  If you do set up a time for him and "her" to meet YOU should be the one to actually show up and confront him then (maybe in a public or semi public place bc I don't know how he will re-act and that is kinda scary!!).  I'd send him packing unless he is willing to get counseling together, unless you have already done this before and it didn't help.  Ughgghghghghghhg!!!!  Makes me so mad.....  I've had several friends go through their husbands cheating on them and I just can't stand it!!!!  Keep us posted.  Again I'm so sorry and just had to chime in here to give you support.   You  have worked so hard for that house and to build your perfect family, I just can't believe he would treat you this way!!!!! 

[Sourire]

Hey ladies, I haven't been around much because I am moving into my new house in a few days and I've been really busy packing! On top of that I am still trying to sell my condo and I am having an open house tomorrow so I have to make sure everything looks clean (and not like I'm in the middle of packing).

cbaa - I'm so excited to hear how your treatments go!

brichole - that sucks to hear what is going on with your husband. Are you guys having a tough time with your relationship right now that would explain him being willing to cheat? I have heard that lots of people go through a rough patch with young babies but if you can get through that I'm sure things will improve.

AFM - I used to have crazy long drawn out AFs (9-14 days) but this month my AF was 6 days (that includes 1 day of spotting so it was actually 5 days).... THANK YOU PROMETRIUM!!!!! And what's even more exciting is that I had super fertile EWCM on CD9 which is crazy, the earliest I have ever had EWCM before was CD13... I normally O on CD17 so maybe I will O earlier this month! Last cycle was the first time I took Prometrium but it is absolutely miraculous... it seems to be fixing every single one of my problems:

• short luteal phase: check (15 day LP last month vs 9 before prometrium)
• many days of spotting in luteal phase: check (didn't start spotting until 14DPO last month, only 2 days of spotting before AF started, used to have 3-6 days of spotting before prometrium)
• long period: check (had a normal period though it was very painful, next month I think I'll try naproxen cause Advil just didn't do it)
• lack of EWCM: check
• late O: probably going to be a check as well.

I am super excited and optimistic about this cycle!!!

I'll be back later with more personals :)

[brichole1214]

I just want to start by saying thank you ladies for your kind words and encouragement.  Last night was a rough night and work was kind enough to let me take the first 4 hours off of my shift. So now i only have to work an 8 hour shift instead of a 12 hours shift. I did end up confronting him last night and had my mom and dad come get Emma before I started going off.  (Jayde is at her dad's this weekend thank god!!!) ANYWAYS, he said at first that he was just joking around with her and that he really wouldn't have done anything.  Then he told me that he just enjoyed getting the attention from another female.  I asked him if there was something wrong with our relationship and he told me no....but he told "her" that he had been married for 3 1/2 years and just wanted something new and different and that was why he wanted to have sex with someone else.  I'm still so lost...he told me he would go to counseling but i don't know what good that would do for him...and it's not like we aren't having sex because we do that ALL of the time...even when i'm so tired i can't move from working long hours and cooking, cleaning, and taking care of our kids.  I just don't understand why he would want to throw all of this away on "someone" he's never met...it's just stupid...I really don't get it.  I honestly thought he loved me and was in love with me but how can someone be in love with someone and do something like that or say what he did.  I also had "her" dogging me out calling me fat and ugly and not ONCE did he take up for me.  That hurt too.  Who lets someone talk about their wife that way?  I just don't know where to go or what to do.  He's sleeping on the couch for now and i'm sleeping in our bed and we are barely talking.  He did text me when i got to work and was telling me how sorry he is and that he was stupid and he will do whatever he can to make things better...but i honestly don't know that he's being honest with me or just has realized that he won't just lose me but he'll lose our girls too.  I don't want to hurt emma in this either...she loves her daddy...but i also don't know if I can "pretend" that things will be okay.  I have let him know that what he did is NOT ok and that I won't put up with being treated like that after all I have done to make our family work and had the house built.  I put in soooo much Over time and got NO sleep during the time that I was saving up the money for our house...and it's like it doesn't even matter to him.  How could any person be that cold and hurtful to someone who loves them so much?  I know that I let him know how I feel about him on a daily basis and he's the only man that I have ever felt the way I feel about him.  I do love him...and i know that because if I didn't love him and wasn't in love with him this wouldn't hurt so much.  I'm so sorry that i've bared such bad news and it's been "depressing" but I just needed some opinions from non-bias people who could help me clear my head and you ladies have always been there for me!!! I'm pretty sure AF is on her way because my spotting is getting more frequent again...i'm sure the stress i've been under isn't helping at all.  ANYWAYS, i will still be here to encourage you ladies thru all of your journies...I just think my journy is over for now which makes me sad.  Love you ladies so much!!!!

[Sourire]

brichole - I'm so sorry to hear about what's going on with you and your husband. I really hope you guys manage to patch things up and continue TTC! One part of what you said reminded me of a book I read a few months ago:

I put in soooo much Over time and got NO sleep during the time that I was saving up the money for our house...and it's like it doesn't even matter to him. I know that I let him know how I feel about him on a daily basis and he's the only man that I have ever felt the way I feel about him.

The book is called the 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman. There are a TON of stories just like yours in the book. One person thinks they are doing everything possible to express their love to the other person, but it turns out that the other person isn't getting the message at all because they have totally different ways of expressing love. I highly recommend this book, it might even save your marriage!

[renavoo]

Sourire, yah to prometrium! I have to admit that I get a little concerned anytime i do a natural cycle without progesterone supplementation. I've gotten addicted to having that extra support and when I start spotting normally within 11 to 12 days post ovulation, I always wish I had supplemented with prometrium or another progesterone supplement.

Brichole, I'm so sorry. It's so unfair for you and your family. In my opinion, what you have here is a very deep issue of distrust. I know I would have a very difficult time being in a relationship with a person who I don't trust. I'm not saying all is lost but you have to ask yourself whether you can ever rebuild the trust. Perhaps therapy would help. By the way, I read the 5 Love Languages as well and I really enjoyed that book. In fact, if you want my copy, just let me know and I'll be happy to mail it out to you. it's a wonderful look into really understanding the other person. (Sourire, great suggestion). I will have to say, however, that it doesn't sound like you've done anything wrong. In fact, the fact that you're so good about giving him what he wants no matter how you feel just demonstrates how much of a wonderful, loving person you are. Sometimes, some people are just not very good and honest. It sounds like he's just a selfish person who just doesn't care about anyone else, including you and your family. I think what the book can help with is helping YOU understand how to tell him what YOU need. Personally, if you take him back, I feel like he should be crawling on his knees and kissing your feet every minute he sees you. That's just my opinion. And to not support you when "she" was being so mean about you? UGH. All of this is just truly disgusting behavior. Sorry about AF too...ugh, if you need that to happen to you now. I hope that you get some clarity soon. It's such a difficult position to be put in but we're all here for you. Truly, I'm thinking of you and sending you happy vibes in this trying time. BIG HUGS!!

[blueyezz4]

I agree with Sourire, it is a good book and both DH and I read it before we got married over 9 yrs ago.  Hopefully it might help for the future. 
 

Originally Posted by Sourire 

The book is called the 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman. There are a TON of stories just like yours in the book. One person thinks they are doing everything possible to express their love to the other person, but it turns out that the other person isn't getting the message at all because they have totally different ways of expressing love. I highly recommend this book, it might even save your marriage!

[brichole1214]

Thank you ladies!! THat sounds wonderful! I really love to read and that book sounds like something i need right now!  renavoo if you wouldn't mind sending me your copy that would be great but if you would like to keep it i can get on my kindel and see if i can get it on my phone.  I have both mine and dh's phones synced to my amazon account so i can send it to both and maybe if he read it too it might help...who knows.  I know that I have the longest road ahead of me...this is soooooooooooooooooo not what i had planned for this week!! LOL

I'm trying to stay as positive as i can though.  I think that he's going to keep apologizing until i scream though..i guess i want more than just SORRY...actions speak a lot louder than words any day!

[baby catcher]

Brichole , I too am really sorry to hear of all you've had to go through in the last little while.    Very glad that you can find some solice here.

I can totally understand how "sorry" wouldn't cut it in this situation.  Having never been in your shoes, I'd like to think I would tell him exactly what I am feeling  - that appoligies are fine, but since this isn't the first time, his actions will speak far louder than any words or applogies he could ever utter.  There is a saying that says "your actions speak so loudly that I can't hear what you're saying."  Right now his actions don't speak very positively for him.  You are a very loving woman and wife to take him back.  Now it's his turn to step up to the plate and be the husband and father that you and your family deserve.  Okay.....that's my        Stepping off my 

I haven't managed to get on here for a few days and the chat goes so quickly...so that's why I ya'll haven't seen me.

AFM cd21 today, and had to start blood work to check my progesterone levels....3 more blood draws for me.  No consistant physicians in town, and as of right now I don't even have an appt for follow up, so we'll see what happens.  Having some cramps today, but no spotting or bleeding.  DH and I have been doing the BD a lot in the past couple of days, so that could account for the cramps maybe....can't remember what I felt like when I had my previous BFP's (before I miscarried)....all I remember is that I was totally exhausted.  Apart from that, I have an U/S on Tuesday to follow up on the cysts that were noticed a month ago......    for no cysts and maybe even a tiny gestational sac in my uterus!!!! 

Can I join that healthy uterus club too???!!!  Had my HSG back in Feb (which was the start of my whole anovulatory thing), the OB said everything looked really good.  I had to take misoprostol to open my cervix the night before - has anyone else had to take this?  I had really bad cramps with it for a couple of hours and decided to not take the morning dose.  By the time I went for my HSG around 11am, I was starting to bleed and my cx was open enough for her to do it no problem.

That's it for me for now....I too am hopeful for a record-breaking month of BFP's!!!!!   I have seen several references to the "One" thread -- can anyone tell me what this is?

[renavoo]

Brichole, of course I'll send it to you. Just PM me your address. Alternatively, i also have a PDF version someone sent to me. If you have a converter, you can probably get it onto your kindle. I don't know what kind of phone you have but I'll often use calibre to convert the books into a format that works with my iPAD. if you want, you can try that first and if it doesn't work, I can send you the book. Just let me know what you prefer!

Baby catcher, welome to our Beautiful Uterus club :o) Hope you get some good news on your next visit!

[gozal]

Too funny, I was thinking that "Every Uterus is Beautiful" would be a great IF awareness campaign slogan!

Brichole, I am just so heartbroken and angry on your behalf. It just makes me crazy when bad things happen to good people. I wish I had something helpful to say other than to send you love and hugs. I would only say, if it's something that you want to seek, counseling may help if only because it sounds like he needs to hear from an objective professional that his behavior is wrong and unacceptable (to put it mildly). He just does not seem to understand the impact of his actions. I haven't read the Love Languages book but I have checked out the website online. I was pretty skeptical but actually, it made sense to me. (I was surprised to learn I'm an "Acts of Service" person - that explained a lot!) Wishing you lots of strength and peace and hoping that this unexpected difficulty opens a positive new chapter for you.

Sourire, I am so super happy to hear what prometrium is doing for you! Finally!

cbaa, I recently read Nina Planck's Real Food for Mother & Baby and really liked it for fertility diet recommendations. I usually eat these anyway, but I've been focusing more on leafy greens, cruciferous veggies, oily wild-caught smaller fish, pastured meats and liver, eggs, and cultured whole milk dairy. The hardest for me to find locally are the pastured meats and whole milk dairy that has not been ultra-pasteurized, but I do my best. Some I get mail order.

baby catcher, I didn't have to take anything to open my cervix before the HSG, but I wonder if that's because I was cycling? Maybe they did that as a precaution because you were annovulatory and they couldn't anticipate what your cervix would be like? Sorry about the jargon, the One Thread is an ongoing thread in the TTC forum sort of like this one, but for anybody ttc.

What's going with everyone else? Me, on CD13 and hoping to get the + opk soon. Don't know why but all my pre-o temps are high this cycle (???). Hope everything is okay with that. They're all "high 97s" rather than "mid 97s" as usual.

[monkeyscience]

Okay, I'm probably going to miss someone/something since I've been reading along on my phone but not replying, but I'll try.

Sourire - Glad prometrium is doing wonders for you! I can't take it (not that it would help my problems) because it gives me crazy, crazy dizziness. Like, I lie down and am still insanely dizzy. I'm glad it doesn't do that to you! Praying that this is your month!!

brichole - I am also a big fan of the Love Languages, though even if you aren't speaking your dh's language, that does not excuse cheating! There is a parallel to the Love Languages, and that's the Languages of Apology, which is also worth checking out. But still, the issue of infidelity has to be worked out. Either he has to firmly commit to complete fidelity, or you have to commit to living without that. Like others said, having a third party to help mediate might be helpful.

baby catcher - Welcome back, and good luck!

gozal - Maybe higher temps are a good sign? Mine have been a bit higher this cycle, so we'll see!

AFM, my temps are weiiiiiiiiird for me. First, I had like a BACKWARDS biphasic pattern - high temps to begin with, then lower temps. (Chart here.) The last two days my temps have been up, which *could* be ovulation, though they would be lower than my typical post-O temps. But it will take 4-5 days of high temps to convince me. I've been trying to track CF a little as well, and I've had a couple of days of lotiony, including today, so I sort of doubt I've O'd yet. Only time will tell, I guess. I guess I'm just surprised by how  steady my temps have been this cycle. Usually the bounce around a lot more. They've moved enough that I don't think my thermometer is nuts, though. Siiiiiigh. We will see. But if I did O when it looks like I might have, we got some good BD in. :)

[baby catcher]

Originally Posted by gozal 

baby catcher, I didn't have to take anything to open my cervix before the HSG, but I wonder if that's because I was cycling? Maybe they did that as a precaution because you were annovulatory and they couldn't anticipate what your cervix would be like? Sorry about the jargon, the One Thread is an ongoing thread in the TTC forum sort of like this one, but for anybody ttc.

Hey Gozal,

The reason I had to use the misoprostol is because I've never birthed before.  Your HSG was since your son's birth, right?  That would be the difference.  I wasn't anovulatory prior to the HSG -- it appears something went funky inside following my HSG (in Feb '11) and all of a sudden I went from 27/28 day cycles to 18-24 day cycles with only 3-4 days a month that I wasn't spotting or bleeding heavily.  It was in May, after 6 crazy cycles in 4 months that blood work confirmed annovulation - so frustrating!

On day 22 this month and still nothing - although I have cramps and feel like AF is coming...I go dashing to the bathroom expecting to find evidence - and nothing is there!  2 more days of blood work -- how soon can I check for my BFP????!!!  These 2WW's are the toughest!

Hugs to year of you!

[baby catcher]

OOOOPS!   Forgot.....

 

Originally Posted by renavoo 

Baby catcher, welome to our Beautiful Uterus club :o) Hope you get some good news on your next visit!

Thanks renavoo!!  It would be an even more beautiful uterus if it had a full-term babe growing inside of it! 

[brichole1214]

Good morning ladies.  I really don't get my body...i have been spotting off and on for the past like 5 days or so and yet still no AF at all.  I woke up so sick to my stomach this morning that I almost decided to POAS just to see what would come back.  I'm scared to even think about what would happen to our relationship at this point if i got a BFP this month after everything we've been thru this weekend.  I was honest with DH about how he's been making me feel and he's calling a marriage/family counselor this morning to see what the cost will be and when he and I could go to talk to someone.  I don't know that all of our problems stem from our current relationship though because I honestly thought everything was going really good.  I feel blessed to have ladies like you guys to talk to though...it makes me feel so much better when I can get this out without talking to my family about it.  I made the mistake of telling all of my family the last time that he did what he did and that just caused them to not like him for a long time.  They don't trust him any more than I do at this point I"m sure anyways.  I just hope that we can get thru this and not just because of the kids involved, but for us.  I know that deep down he loves me...and I know that he came from a broke home and his dad was a "runner" when it came to dealing with problems.  Maybe he's more like the dad that was never around for him than he knows.  I think that along with couple sessions with a counselor he needs to have a few individual sessions too.  I don't know that he would feel comfortable and spill everything in front of me because we both have long pasts with other people.  Me because I was married before and him because he had never committed to another girl as long as he's been with me...ever in his life.  I don't want to give him excuses or make them for him, but i also want to be open minded.  I will not blame this on myself, but I understand when people have troubled pasts things happen.  I've always been a fixer, and frankly i'm tired of being the one trying to fix everything.  This isn't just up to me, it's up to him too. 

I also can't help but think that he might have done this because I want another child and the past several weeks he's been up and down about it...maybe he really doesn't want another child.  What do i do with that?  I mean how can i just cut off my feelings and yurning to want another child if he absolutely will not have another child with me?  I feel like if I get pregnant or am currently pregnant it will kill our marriage even more, but how would i go about just forgetting or ignoring that urge inside of me that is telling me to have another baby!?!?!  Is it fare to ask him to have another child if we stay together if he doesn't want another child and is it fare for him to tell me we're not going to have another baby period? As i'm typing this i realize more and more that we need to talk to someone and get all of this straightened out. I don't want him to feel like he has to stay with me if he's not happy also.  I'm not one to want to "trap" someone.

[TenzinsMama]

Just trying to get caught up on things, as I've been away for the past several days, but I did want to quickly answer your question, cbaa-- when I was on Clomid, I was on 100 mg, for CD3-7.  It was unmonitored in the way of bloodwork and u/s-- I just did OPKs, and when I deteceted a surge I went in the following day and had an IUI done.  I conceived my DS after two cycles of this.  The IUI was added, just to remedy any possible issues that could come up with change in cervical mucous, plus, we I had been diagnosed with Unexplained Infertility a few years earlier, so it was to give me the most chances of getting the egg to meet up with some little fellas.  Good luck to you!

[rcr]

Brichole - Oh, hon, I am so sorry. It must be so hard. Please don't start to blame this on yourself.

I am reading along, but just getting to know you all, so I really don't have much to say because I don't have much context. Anyway, it is nice to get to know a new group of people. I had my IUI on Sat. We had to drive to the main office, which is 3 hours away (well, 2 1/2). Since we were in the city we went to a nice farmers market and a park. It was fun.

[monkeyscience]

brichole - Yay for dh calling a counselor! If he follows through with that, I think that it's a great sign he actually wants things to work. Most men I know would have to be dragged to counseling, and would never make the call themselves. As far as having a baby - well, if you're already pregnant, there's not much to be said. But if you're not, it would be a good idea to put TTC on the backburner until you get the bigger issues sorted out, IMHO. I don't think either partner has the right to force their family planning ideas on the other. I think it's something that has to be talked through until you reach an agreement. Obviously, if one of you is dead set against it and one is absolutely for it, that's tough. But it sounds like your dh may be persuadable. This just may not be the best timing. But like you said, it would probably help to have someone to sort this out with.

rcr - I didn't realize you were on to another IUI already. Good luck!!

[renavoo]

RCR, yah for the 2ww!! Keep us posted on how you feel!

BabyCatcher, Absolutely! Our uteri will be that much more beautiful when we finally have our babies growing inside!

Brichole, I hear that in relationships, there are three major points of conflict. One is religion, one is money, and one is about family. It's pretty non negotiable if both parties can't agree on how many children they want to have or even, if they want to have children. I hope that therapy helps you sort this out and, at the very least, you get some answers about what you each want and need from one another. I never thought I would say this but I hope you're not pregnant right now because you don't need the extra stress, although if you have another baby, I'm sure you'd love it to the fullest extent! What did the POAS show? You have a wonderful heart to give him the benefit of the doubt, the way you are doing. I guess, in my mind, I understand that our past will shape us to an extent. However, we are human beings who have power over ourselves. He has no excuse for doing what he's done once before and what he might have done this time, if the woman wasn't you testing him. I think that you have to do what is right for yourself but please don't overlook how dreadful his actions were.

Hopefully, you get the answers you need!

AFM, My stupid right side of the face still hurts. Went to see a derm today and she said that the cyst on my earlobe is really close to one of my cranial nerves, which is causing pain to radiate across the right side of my face. Darn it! she injected it steroids to reduce inflammation quicker so hopefully, that will help me heal quickly!

Hope everyone else is doing well!!

[Sourire]

cbaa - I second the recommendation for the book that gozal recommended, I have that book and I am a huge fan.

brichole - I'm so glad your DH is willing to go to counseling with you (it's even better that he is the one setting up the appointments, it shows he is really committed to doing the counseling). You might have to put TTC on hold for now until you get your relationship sorted out, but once things are going better you could probably convince him to start TTC again.

Also, I have a copy of the Love Languages book on my Kindle (in the Kindle format) that I would totally lend you, but Amazon has blocked lending in Canada.... wtf!!!!

AFM - Well I had a + OPK last night and another one this morning so it looks like I really am going to O around CD13-14.... I still can't get over it, I have NEVER O'ed this early. I never thought Prometrium would affect my O date! I've also had spotting for the last 3 days... I was so excited about my lack of spotting during the LP and after AF that maybe I jinxed it lol and now I have mid-cycle spotting instead (which I have never had before). However I was reading the package insert for Prometrium today and it did say that sometimes Prometrium causes unusual mid-cycle spotting for the first few months you are using it and that it's nothing to be worried about, it's because your body is adjusting to different hormone levels.