Gifted reader: Funny story but serious concern - Page 2

[meemee]

Originally Posted by FarmerBeth 

I think that when you have a very bright child, safety rules are more likely to be followed if you explain the logic.  Break down your rules as to the reasons why, as in "We need to know specifically where you are so that if you were ever to be hurt and unable to walk for help we would know where to look.  We also need you to be back by X time so we can check in and find out where you are going next".  Explaining your feelings is good, too, but logic is likely to be on par for both of you.  Both my older children (both gifted) follow rules much more consistently for people who explain why.  Take advantage of the good reading skills and awareness and use it to show your daughter where your point of view comes from

so true farmer beth. there are some kids for whom those things work really, really well. i have never had a safety issue thing with dd.

however even at 7 i was giving her opportunities that others didnt give her. i was loosening the string and testing her to see if she could follow the rules. and she did. so its amazing.

if i tell her no with no explanation - i might as well have never told her no.

 

[Linda on the move]

so sorry about the bees.

Are they doing OK now?

[BennyPai]

The girls are fine.  Thanks for your concern!  6yo DD has been having nightmares since, and I'm trying to work out a way to help her.  I'm thinking more information on yellow jackets and other bees and their hives might be helpful to her.  She has become nervous about all bees.  It hasn't even been a week, so she just may need a while longer to work through her emotions. 

Back on topic:  I am an explainer.  Maybe even too much of one?  As a previous poster suggested might happen in relation to the stream incident, my DD actually responded to my concern that she or her cousin could've cut their foot, etc. with "The other one of us could go get help."  She does seem to have an answer to everything.  I've always talked things through with her like that, and I was starting to think it has led her to disregard our words as parents.  But maybe not.  Maybe we're on the right track after all. 

It's encouraging to read so many posts here by parents who believe in being respectful toward your children.  I have always been drawn to this sort of parenting, but I definitely wasn't raised this way and neither was DP so I tend to question myself.  Especially with 7yoDD, who is "gifted."  On this train of thought, maybe this is another area of parenting in which I automatically revert to the ways of my parents... or at least it creeps into my subconscious somewhere.

DP and I were both labeled gifted growing up and in my case I could tell that it made my parents nervous to talk with me.  I even earned the insulting nickname of "Mouth" from my father-- he made it quite clear from early on that he wasn't interested in my opinions.

I've stated this several times, but again:  this discussion has been helpful.  I think I'll do some more exploring in the parenting forums on the topic of respectful/mindful/gentle parenting...

[Aufilia]

Bwahaha.  I don't have any better advice than the previous posters so I don't offer any, but I sympathize with your dilemna.  DD (5.5) recently read "Diaper Free Before Three" and has been giving me advice on potty training her brother.  On the upside, she's been less distracting when I'm trying to get him to sit on the potty.

However, I've also had to start keeping strict track of where I keep my own reading material because she also recently made off with a romance novel and read who-knows-how-much of it and my books are really NOT appropriate for a 5-year-old.  When she's in the car I feel like I have to censor the radio and I'm afraid to start getting the newspaper again because I don't need her reading about the horrible things people do to each other or how dire the economy is or whatever the latest panic is.  Being a bright kid with attention issues is hard enough without having to know how messed up the world can be for adults.

[moominmamma]

Originally Posted by Aufilia 

I'm afraid to start getting the newspaper again because I don't need her reading about the horrible things people do to each other or how dire the economy is or whatever the latest panic is.  

I'd suggest getting your news fix quietly off the internet, or off the TV after the kids are in bed. We stopped buying newspapers back in 1998 when my eldest, then 4, looked up from the dining room table where she'd found the latest issue and asked "Mommy, what's genocide?" 

Miranda

[SunnyDay109]

My 7yo DD has just started second grade. She finished last school year reading at the eight grade level. DP and I have been struggling with our daughters and I picked up some parenting books. I put one in the bathroom one morning, where DP is more likely to make progress reading. I found some time to read, so I went in there to get it. It was missing.


I looked for the book throughout the day and couldn't find it. My daughters seemed to have no idea where it went. I checked in with them all that evening, describing the cover. I told them it was a parenting book. 7yo DD perked up. "Oh---- You mean How To Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk?" She went right over to her bed and dug it out from beside her mattress. She handed it to me. "You've already tried most of this stuff." She gave me an example of something I'd tried. I can't remember what it was. I was so surprised.



I admit that I laughed later when I told DP what had happened. We both thought it was funny, but also made us a little nervous. DD has picked up my cookbooks and magazines - natural living, cooking sorts - but she has never been interested in this type of reading. She must have been drawn in by the title. I can't say it is necessarily bad that she read some of this particular book. She only had it for a day, so she couldn't have read it all. (I think) Anyway, it comes from an angle of respecting children's feelings and I'm glad that she knows that is our goal. It will probably be good to discuss it with her once DP and I have talked about it.


Our problems with this particular DD stem from her challenging our rules/decisions. DD's sensory issues have come into play as well. I want her to feel like a kid -- I want her to trust that her parents can protect her and that we do have at least some of the answers. When I was a child, I didn't feel like a kid and I really wanted to.

I wonder, too, about how much information she might be exposed to that is age-inappropriate for her. We have parental controls on the computer and I don't keep my adult-appropriate reading around generally. What else should we be doing?



On a side-note: I'd love some parenting book suggestions that might be helpful for our family.

Oh, yeah, I can definitely relate. I always read my parents books growing up, and let's just say that it was....interesting. For one thing, when my family was worrying about a possible diagnosis of ADHD and Math LD (which turned out to be true, alas), they read all sorts of books on special needs kids that I happened to read, too. And it was interesting, because when Mom would write in the margins, that allowed me to see a bit of what was going on in her head. Also, the books basically let me into the loop. Like, i didn't need to worry about having ADD and math LD, because I knew i wasn't alone, there was help for people like me, etc. I think that's why i like psychology so much, actually. because of those books.