OK, I'm not sure which of three places to put this so I'll start here. Mods -- please move if you think it should be elsewhere (I could see special needs or GD as possible options, or even Learning at School).
DS is soon to be 12 (about 2 weeks from now). He has some issues with depression and anxiety and currently takes Zoloft and sees a counselor. He started middle school last week and I was so hoping that a new school would result in new habits, but alas we are already haunted by his pattern of not doing his schoolwork and then lying about it. Its especially annoying because he's smart and can certainly do the work. And this year's homework load is much much lighter than last year. This simply cannot continue. I know that some people don't think homework is good but he is no longer a small child. Middle school work and grades start to mean something. And starting on the wrong foot with new teachers and a new school seems like exactly the wrong thing to do.
Last year we mostly talked about the impact of this and were very strict about checking his assignment notebook and his work. But that only worked if he wrote down the assignments, which he didn't already do. Plus he suffered the natural consequences of a poor-for-him grade due to last/missing homework. He clearly feels guilty about this after the fact, but doesn't seem to realize he needs to think about it before the fact.
I feel like I need to up the consequences. But I am also aware of not wanting to do anything that will isolate him from the family or set off an anxiety attack. If I, say, ban TV then he ends up sitting in his room alone (because little sister is watching TV in the living room) and I worry about his mental health. I could remove his Nintendo DS for a set time but am not sure that would have any impact since he isn't playing much at the moment anyway. He doesn't do anything that I can "ground" him from. And even if he did, he desperately needs to make new friends so I wouldn't want to do that anyway.
Anyone have any suggestions? Am I over thinking this? Under thinking it? Over reacting? I'm so confused about priorities and appropriateness of anything right now.