classified ad for grandparents?

[mamaprovides]

So long story short...

I'm not on speaking terms with my family (their choice) and my husband's family says they want to be involved but never are...it's weird.

So I'm short on grandparents. I believe it is important that my kids grow up with old people around...for a variety of reasons.

I don't want money or gifts or anything like that...I want good people to show up, be old, play or read or sit there and watch them do the silly things children do. Maybe come over for birthdays or holidays.

So how do I get them? Do I put an ad out? does anyone know old people (preferably in Vermont) that want grandkids?

thank you

[Adaline'sMama]

Hmmm.....
Do you go to church? If you arent Christian, maybe a Unitarian Church could help with this. Nursing home?

IDK, but I def. would not put out a classified ad for this. It seems like a way to get some creepy people to call you.

[mumkimum]

We had grandparents who we never happened to live nearby - we had several neighbors, a few ladies from church who kinda served a 'surrogate grandparent' role for my sisters & I.  

We currently have several neighbors and our CSA farmer who I'd say supplement our kid's grandparents (and who we see more regularly). 

Assuming you don't attend a church and don't have neighbors who'd fit the role - you could volunteer or just visit at somewhere (hospital/assisted living place/senior center with activities).  Finding an organization or local business that has someone you enjoy seeing who also happens to be older and has stories, etc. to pass on.  Frequenting the library or other places you might be able to develop a friendship with age-full regulars there that would fulfill that kind of role.

[seawitch]

I know the feeling! We're short on grandparents, cousins... etc. Both DH and I were only children and have no family to speak of... We have like no extended family and I'm always wanting to like adopt other people to be cousins with lol.

[tooraloora]

A school I went to when I was little had a grandparent adoption program worked out with a local nursing home. Once a week we visited our grandparent and played games, did crafts, told stories, et cetera. It was great. My adopted grandmother was awesome. Maybe you could talk to someone at a nursing home and see about doing your own version for your kids.

[crunchy_mommy]

I don't think I'd do an ad, that sounds scary...

I like the idea of visiting the nursing home/senior center/church/etc. Maybe you could ask at a local place if there is anyone specific who would like to be adopted. Any extended family that would fit the bill? Neighbor? Friends of the family?

I think it would need to be a mutually beneficial relationship to work... so maybe someone would be happy just to simply sit & watch your kids be silly, but I think you might want to consider ways you could help this 'grandparent' as well -- obviously your kids could make them cards and stuff but also perhaps you could bring them groceries, help fix their computer, take them to the movies, whatever... I think you'd need to play a big role in the relationship as well. But I'm not positive on that.

[CatsCradle]

DD has one set of grandparents who we don't see very often, but we have found value in older neighbors.  We have a lot of elderly in our building and neighborhood and we break the ice by taking pies and cookies or a holiday wreath, something like that.  We sort of have to scope out the dynamic for a while but once everyone feels comfortable, we visit and sometimes we spend hours at others' places.  

Nursing homes are also great places to find people who need company.  We did that as kids  and I've been looking into programs here in the city where DD can befriend elderly who need company.  I'd like to think that it is not so much about DD's needs and wants as developing an empathy for elderly that need human contact.  

[kitchensqueen]

I would agree with all of the suggestions to get involved with a nursing home/senior center. A lot them have actual programs like that, and you get the peace of mind of knowing a third party can "vouch" for these people being around your kids. 

Classified ad is to wild card for me - there are some scary, random people out there, even when they get old. 

[meemee]

what about your neighborhood? look there too. they are the best to have. 

we had neighbor (the best adult influence dd ever had and is extremely instrumental in who she is) and also volunteer at nursing homes. be aware too that the senior citizens homes are full of very needy people. you have to be careful. those very people might not be the ones your child might want to play with.

so whatever you do tread cautiously.

and find out if there is a adopt gpa in ur city. 

also rethink money and everything you wrote about. what if they want to become more involved? want to shower ur child with gifts? 

[Imakcerka]

We looked to our neighborhood. I got them involved with them by having them help the older neighbors out. They currently have three sets. One who dresses up like santa clause and puts up an unreal display in his yard. The girls help him and his wife by watering their lawn and helping put away ornaments. They get hugs and cookies and numerous christmas presents from them it's pretty cool.
The two other ladies that we adopted they help them in their yards and around the house. DD1 & DD2 are 8 and 6 and have been around these people since birth. It's been very helpful for them to have them around.

I did the looking and I met them first. I didn't exactly ask for them to take on the roll but my persistence in bringing them around paid off and now they have these people in their lives and they're all great people.

[AllisonR]

If you put out an ad for that, I would not respond, regardless of my age. It would be "off" and I think the only ones who would reply would also be "off." 

We have one set of grandparents over an ocean and the other set too old and too far away to be a regular influence. We have some wonderful older neighbors who have become sort of stand-in grandparents. I don't agree with everything they do, like giving my kids candy every time we see them, but I think these kinds of things are harmless compared to the benefit of having "old people" in their lives. I'd join a local group or find some elderly neighbors to develop a relationship with. It isn't something that will just snap into place.