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Mods, please remove thread. Thanks!

post #1 of 9
Thread Starter 

Rethought . . . thanks :).


Edited by Stella_luna - 9/2/11 at 1:46pm
post #2 of 9

help her find new friends. school, library, extracurricular activities. encourage her to have playdates with the new friends. sorry that this is happening to you guys.

post #3 of 9

We got dumped by our group of friends when everyone turned 4. All of the other kids went to preschool and no longer were available for play dates, even on the weekends. None of the other moms seemed to be willing to schedule around school. It sucked. DD was crushed.

 

Since she was so young, I choose to handle it by telling her that people grow apart. New events happen in peoples lives, schedules change. I validated DD's feeling that it was a crappy thing to happen, but I tried to not interject my hurt feelings into it.

 

It sucks that we occasionally see these kids and their families around town. It brings it up all over again for DD. She really misses her buddies, even 3 years later.

post #4 of 9
Quote:
Originally Posted by Stella_luna View Post

And myself, as I really miss the mom, but I'm kind of used to it, as all of my friends turn out to be crappy in the end. 



I think that to help your daughter in the long-run you need to start by finding out why you always either pick crappy people to be friends with or why good friends drift away from you. The negative patterns I can follow and understand in my own life really help clear my perspective when dealing with the same thing in my kids.

post #5 of 9
Moving to childhood years.
post #6 of 9
Quote:
Originally Posted by Dandelionkid View Post





I think that to help your daughter in the long-run you need to start by finding out why you always either pick crappy people to be friends with or why good friends drift away from you. The negative patterns I can follow and understand in my own life really help clear my perspective when dealing with the same thing in my kids.

ITA! The lesson to teach your daughter isn't "Friends are crappy, get used to it" but how to deal when friendships drift apart. How to make new friends. How to hold on to fun memories and not be bitter when you see your old friend. Those lessons will help her from here until the end.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Stella_luna View Post

I have been telling her all summer that M is a terrible friend, and disloyal, but DD always defended her, every time. Now, I'm pretty sure she agrees with me. 

I know you are upset and hurt, and seeing your daughter hurt brings out the mama bear- it would to anyone. But this seems a little counter-productive. Talking smack about her friend isn't going to help. Instead, focus on positive topics- go out and join some activities. Make some new friends. Don't keep her wallowing in self pity.
post #7 of 9
Stella_luna, I can totally relate. Our DD is 8 and got totally dumped by her good friend when the friend got new neighbors. It was soooo horrible! The three girls ganged up against our DD (who is an only child) and tried to leave her out of everything. It was really hard for her and even harder for us to see her go through it. But we just helped her get through it.

We told her that true friends don't treat their friends in that way. We also got her involved with a bunch of activities and I did a lot of crafts with her. Eventually, she became friends with another little girl, and they were together all the time this summer.

The old friend that dumped her noticed that my DD had a new friend and was not pressed to be with her or the other mean girls. Guess what? They want to be friends with DD again. eyesroll.gif Now they all come over here.

It's really hard for DH and I to be kind to them; but we just told DD that she could see them, but suggested that she not trust them. She could forgive, but never forget what they did to her. I'd try to see this as an opportunity for your DD to open herself up to finding new friends. I figure it's a lesson they all have to eventually learn.
post #8 of 9
Thread Starter 


 

Quote:
Originally Posted by Dandelionkid View Post





I think that to help your daughter in the long-run you need to start by finding out why you always either pick crappy people to be friends with or why good friends drift away from you. The negative patterns I can follow and understand in my own life really help clear my perspective when dealing with the same thing in my kids.


 

I wish I could. I've been trying to figure it out forever. It's just been a recurring pattern in my life that I have amazing friends, and they always just lose interest and drift away, or meet someone else and become so into them thye forget about me, and even though I keep up contact, it winds up being one-sided and I eventually give up. I'm totally nonconfrontational so I never ask why. I guess people find me boring after a while. I'm also pretty Aspergery.

post #9 of 9
Oh, and the little girl will tire of the 4 year old (after the honeymoon is over). winky.gif
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