Despite the hyperemesis, this has been a fairly non-eventful pregnancy. Everything has been good. Until this week. Not only is the hyperemesis back with avengence (and water was shut off in the building I work in yesterday...not fun!), but my bp is suddenly 140s/90s, where it has been 90s/60s the whole pregnancy and I'm really rather anemic (again, suddenly) at levels of 6.5, I believe.. A jump of what, 50 points in a week, seems rather scary. And it has been consistent, I've had the nurses at work check it at least twice daily since Tuesday. In a nut shell, I feel like crap. I'm nervous. I have an appointment today for NST/ob visit, and I just know they are going to tell me that I need to cut back with what I'm doing. I know it is too much, but I have a hard time letting anything go. I feel like there is still so much that I have to get done with work and I feel like a complete failure that I might not be able to handle it. I might just be told to cut back to a normal work week, which on one hand would be nice, but on the other is a huge blow to my pride. I have trouble admitting that I don't feel well, that I'm not fine, and I'm meeting with my director on Monday to make decisions about what needs cut if I need to reduce hours or do leave paperwork if they are calling for bedrest. I know I can' keep up with what I've been doing. It just isn't feasible right now and I know that my health is more important, it is just hard to accept what that means. On the plus, the baby is still looking great, measuring well, and they have no pressing concerns about her well being. I really want to cry but I just can't.
Feeling anxious, pep talks welcome
Hugs. It's hard. I think it can be even harder when you live with a chronic illness and have spent so much of your life proving to yourself and others that you don't need special treatment, you can do just as well or better than others who don't deal with it, etc.
Hang in there. Remember that you are a totally competent person. The fact that you may need to cut back for health reasons does not change that. This is life. Bodies are not just brain buses; sometimes they assert their needs. This happens to lots of people, and the vast majority of people totally get it. No one who is sensible will think any less of you for needing cut back.
Keep in mind that pre-eclampsia has a much higher incidence in type 1 diabetics than in the general population (it's around 20% vs. 5-8% for general population.) If you are the type of person who deals better with a little advance planning, you may want to at least give a little thought over the weekend to how you might deal with an early birth. (But if you prefer to just deal with things if they happen, ignore this paragraph!)
Thinking good, healthy, relaxed thoughts for you.
Oh man. You are being way too hard on yourself! I know how important work seems, and how much it sucks to admit our bodies have limits, but they do- and that's OK.
You've been a rock star for the pregnancy. Seriously. I thought I had it bad with puking, but you always had it worse, whined less, AND just rolled with it and kept working. I was impressed from afar! You've been making a healthy baby- that really is the most important part. You're near the end and have been pushing yourself, and may need to take a few steps back. Honestly, I think you should pat yourself on the back and enjoy a little down time before your nugget arrives. It's easy for me to say- I have been fearing the need to pull back from work as well- but I hopefully would be able to listen to my own advice.