Daughter convinced she "needs" braces we can't afford - help! - Page 2

[whatsnextmom]

Originally Posted by Imakcerka 

I'll be the mom who rushes my kid in for something for their skin... I know it. Ugh... I just remember the horrible way I felt!

That can backfire too though. My DD started breaking out and I really tried everything I could to help her get in under control before she was too embarrassed by it. All that did was make DD intentionally NOT use the products on top of resenting me for what she sees as meddling. Then it could STILL be my fault she was breaking out. Sometimes you really can't win. 

I've learned a lot about my own parents from being a parent myself. I lot of what I grew up resenting and believing was just plain old wrong. I've had to really take some responsibility for my side of things, my false perceptions, ect. 

[mommy68]

A lot of orthodontists will do payment plans and base it on your income. The one we used for our 15 yr old son does this. And, a lot of them will accept Medicaid but not sure if Medicaid covers orthodontists or not.

[journeymom]

I believe Medicaid will cover it if it's necessary to correct something that interferes with a person's bite or to make room for incoming teeth. But not for aesthetic or cosmetic reasons.

Genes play a roll.  My16 y.o. dd has I think 3 fillings, my 12 y.o. ds ended up with 3 metal caps on his baby teeth and a lot of fillings.  I feed them the same foods and brushed their teeth the same when they were little. Basically I treated them the same.   My theory is that my dd inherited my hardier teeth and ds inherited dh's more cavity-prone teeth. 

[pigpokey]

Find the closest dental school and take her for an evaluation.  Find out how much they would charge.

It probably would not be more than $100 a month. 

Then, help her start up a babysitting business or something similar.  Mow lawns in the summer.  If she doesn't keep up her end, the orthodontia comes off.

If her teeth are crowded (what you are describing) IF SHE CAN PAY FOR IT let her get expanders now.  You can't expand the jaws in adulthood the same way.  The sutures are going to fuse.

[Linda on the move]

Originally Posted by pigpokey 
It probably would not be more than $100 a month. 

Then, help her start up a babysitting business or something similar.  Mow lawns in the summer.  If she doesn't keep up her end, the orthodontia comes off.

I'm making payments on orthodontia right now, and that's not how it works. I signed an agreement, just like one does when they buy a car, saying I would pay the entire amount. My minor children could not have made that agreement. If I don't pay, it's like any other bill I owe money on. They don't just take the orthodontia away.
 

That's just not how it works.

I think setting a kid with NO track record of making money up to be responsible for coming up with $100 a month is setting them up for failure. Even if your idea would work, I don't think it would be a good idea for a middle school student.

Edited by Linda on the move - 9/13/11 at 9:10am

[Imakcerka]

That is a lot of money for a kid to come up with. This really is a hard one for me. If it's unnecessary, then have the doctor tell her it unnecessary. I'm sure you can find one who will. I know a lot of people who got braces as adults and paid for them their selves. We don't always get what we want when we want it.

[mamazee]

She could get a job earning minimum wage at that age and earn at least a great deal of the cost.

I see teeth issues as bigger than other unnecessary cosmetic things because teeth are a huge class marker in the US, although that's another unfair thing that people shouldn't have to conform to. Regardless of whether they should have to conform to it, eventually all of our kids will be looking for jobs and that class marker will come up as they interview. Any imperfections in teeth, including completely cosmetic things like color, really stand out in the interview process. So my kids will have perfect teeth. I am buckling to pressure, or at least not making my kids fight that fight.

[Linda on the move]

Originally Posted by mamazee 

She could get a job earning minimum wage at that age and earn at least a great deal of the cost.
 

She's 13.

Most highschool students I know are having trouble finding part time jobs because the kind of work that teens used to do is now being done by college grads.

[mamazee]

Oh, I didn't know that. I had a job at 13 that paid minimum wage and I saved up a decent amount. It might be worth looking, but OTOH I can see that it could be harder.

[Imakcerka]

it's illegal for her to work in most states. I had a part time job in Highschool and it took me a year to save up 1,000. I had to pay for so many other things like sports and cheerleading uniforms, on top of my school lunches and clothes. Talk about a lot of stress for a teenager. Oh and my insurance... and my car... That didn't include the usually movies and other stuff teenagers are supposed to do. I didnt do it because in my mind I had more important things I had to pay for. I wanted to go on the Senior trip to France and couldn't go because I was short 200, due to paying my insurance. Yeah learning to take care of what is important and earning your own money is a great lesson until it takes away from being a kid. 

I'm not saying don't have her pay for it, just saying it's alot to put on a 13 yr old.

[ChristyMarie]

Originally Posted by mamalisa 

But sometimes they are.  I have a giant gap in my teeth that my parents wouldn't fix.  The only way to fix it now is veneers or something, I can't move those teeth at this point in life.  At 14, if she's serious enough about it, she's old enough to start saving money to do something about it.  Babysitting or part time jobs (well at 15 in most states and even that is usually McDonalds) will go a long way for a kid with no expenses to save money.

Also OP, I'm beyond particular about my teeth.  I brush, floss, see my dentist and NOTHING matters.  Even when I was seeing her every 3 months I had cavities often. Some people just have bad luck, no matter how good their parents teeth are.

This.

My mother could not afford braces for me as a teen and the dentist said they weren't really needed but would be helpful.  Well, now as an adult the wear and tear of unproperly lined up teeth is taking a toll and I'm looking at some pretty severe dental work that will be very pricey.  Dental issues do not go away, they get worse.

Also, um, my son had I think 9 cavities at 18 months.  No known cause other than bad genetics.  My poor mother has had cavities and root canals more than I can count.  Some people can take care of their teeth and still have problems.
 

[Linda on the move]

Originally Posted by Imakcerka 

I had a part time job in Highschool and it took me a year to save up 1,000.

After insurance, my DD's braces are costing us $3,000. She is the same age as the OPer's DD, and she recently started a cake decorating business. She's saved $100 so far. And she is very mature, creative, and responsible for her age.

I cannot image saddling her with the burden of paying for her braces. It would be wrong.

[Imakcerka]

Certainly wouldn't be fair.  IDK, from 12 on I payed for everything.  Seriously.  EVERYTHING.  Also I wasn't taken to a dentist.  Unless I was going to pay for the Bill.  And I was told that after I graduated I would be paying rent if I stayed home... And that is how you lose your kid.  I moved away, hey I took care of so much you made it obvious I didn't need you.  That was my thinking.  I still feel that way.  However if kids can save up for a car... lots do.  They can save up for braces. 

If she wants them bad enough, I think if she understands that it will take awhile and if she's in it for the long haul and really wants them maybe it's selling her short not to think she couldn't do it. 

[mamazee]

I was thinking of the cost of a retainer, not the cost of braces. And she might not be able to pay all, but if it's important to her, she could work as a mother's helper somewhere or something and help save up to some extent, to show that she's really serious about it. I don't think it's unreasonable to expect a teenager to help pay for something that is cosmetic and not unnecessary. She's only 13 now, but the retainer would not have to be done immediately. It could be done at 15 or 16.

[ozark]

Ya know, my naturopath had always told me that the need for braces and number of cavities are closely related to how long the patient was breastfed.

Could it be that you took your sweet DD of the breast too soon? If so, then the cost of the braces should only be on your shoulders.

I breastfed my girl til 83 months (6years, 3 mo) and at 25 she still has never had a cavity or a cold.

[mamazee]

Originally Posted by ozark 

Ya know, my naturopath had always told me that the need for braces and number of cavities are closely related to how long the patient was breastfed.

Could it be that you took your sweet DD of the breast too soon? If so, then the cost of the braces should only be on your shoulders.

I breastfed my girl til 83 months (6years, 3 mo) and at 25 she still has never had a cavity or a cold.

I've heard there is *some relationship*, but there is no absolute correlation. My husband was not breastfed at all, and has never had a cavity and has perfect teeth. My dd was breastfed for 2.5 years (not 6 but that's pretty unusual) and has never had a cavity but has crooked teeth and will need braces. Lots of moms here have practiced child-led weaning and have had kids with cavities, and I'm guessing crooked teeth. I guess I think your suggestion that it's her fault is unfair.

[Linda on the move]

Originally Posted by ozark 

Ya know, my naturopath had always told me that the need for braces and number of cavities are closely related to how long the patient was breastfed.

Could it be that you took your sweet DD of the breast too soon? If so, then the cost of the braces should only be on your shoulders.
 

WHAT??????

I breastfed both my kids. I tandem nursed. The older one weaned at herself at 2. The younger one I weaned when she was nearly 4. My younger DD had SEVERAL cavities as a toddler and is now in braces.  She started getting cavities WHILE she was still nursing.

My other DD is in Invisalign,

Besides, the OPer's DD doesn't NEED braces -- she just wants them. There is no NEED, just a desire to look more our culture says we should all look. Nothing is wrong with her. Nothing. If she wanted a nose job and researched showed that BF babies had more socially desirable noses than non-BF babies, do you think her parents should shell out the money for that too?

This is about LOOKS and WANTS. Not needs.

Parents are not, IMHO, required to pay for everything their child wants. (Esp when they don't actually have the money!)

Nor is it appropriate to BLAME mothers for the way their kids turn out. All studies are based on averages. Non of this parenting stuff comes with guarantees. Just because one can say if you do X, Y is the more likely outcome, it does not follow that if you don't get Y, you did anything wrong. It's just averages.

(sorry for the vent)

Edited by Linda on the move - 9/14/11 at 3:32pm

[whatsnextmom]

Originally Posted by ozark 

Ya know, my naturopath had always told me that the need for braces and number of cavities are closely related to how long the patient was breastfed.

Could it be that you took your sweet DD of the breast too soon? If so, then the cost of the braces should only be on your shoulders.

I breastfed my girl til 83 months (6years, 3 mo) and at 25 she still has never had a cavity or a cold.

You can pretty much find anyone to support any tie you wish to make. If you choose to follow a naturopath and nurse until your child is 6, that's your choice. However, it's sort of ridiculous to tell another parent their children's teeth are crooked because she didn't nurse long enough. It's mostly genetics and a little bit environment. If your 4-year-old was drinking bottles of juice at bedtime and still on a binky... well yeah, parents can take some credit for cavities and crooked teeth. However, most of it's just genetics. My kids baby teeth came in crooked and some even fused together while they were still nursing. They didn't even GET adult teeth until they were close to 9-years-old and both self-weaned long before then! They just have DH's teeth and the whole family has these big teeth in little mouths. Thankfully, they also got DH's perfect eye sight instead of mine lol. It's a trade-off. Neither my kids have had a cavity yet but then, neither did my dad until 40. Neither did I until after my second child was born. Nursing is great. I totally support it but let's not pretend it supercedes genetics and makes a parent better or worse.

[karne]

Originally Posted by ozark 

Ya know, my naturopath had always told me that the need for braces and number of cavities are closely related to how long the patient was breastfed.

Could it be that you took your sweet DD of the breast too soon? If so, then the cost of the braces should only be on your shoulders.

I breastfed my girl til 83 months (6years, 3 mo) and at 25 she still has never had a cavity or a cold.

Bottle fed teen dd has PERFECT straight, white, teeth, nary a cavity to be found (no flouride either).  I don't think blame is helpful to the discussion.

[chaimom]

Originally Posted by ozark 

Ya know, my naturopath had always told me that the need for braces and number of cavities are closely related to how long the patient was breastfed.

Could it be that you took your sweet DD of the breast too soon? If so, then the cost of the braces should only be on your shoulders.

I breastfed my girl til 83 months (6years, 3 mo) and at 25 she still has never had a cavity or a cold.

Wow, Ozark.  So self-righeous.  And uninformed.  Please don't give advice.