My DD is 4 1/2 and very spirited and outspoken (very verbal). She often "talks back" to us and sounds angry, even mean, especially to her dad. I try to gently discipline her and talk to her about the effect her words have on others, better ways to get your message across without hurting, etc. My SIL has three children of her own. We were at a family gathering last weekend, and my DD told her dad (DH) not to move a chair in a bossy tone, sounding mad at him. SIL jumped right in and told her that her dad was just trying to help her with the chair, basically correcting her. She wasn't mean about it, but it still rubbed me the wrong way. First of all, we (me, DH) were right there and could handle it. Secondly, I see this as DD more expressing how she feels, and I don't want to tell her her feelings are wrong, which I think is the message SIL was giving her. Am I overreacting? How would you handle this in the moment? I feel like I should have said something, like "oh, we'll handle this SIL."
Part of what might be bothering me is that a few years ago, I warned SIL's DD about something that could hurt her and there was a lot of fallout, with SIL basically telling me not to tell her child what to do. I was nice about it, but worried about SIL's DD getting hurt, so there was urgency in my voice, which SIL took as me reprimanding her DD. So, I guess I am a little thin-skinned about this as a result. Personally, I would want someone to say something to my DD if there was something that could hurt her, but I don't think others should be correcting my DD's behavior. KWIM? I'd love to hear your thoughts.