Adopting Siblings...Advice Please

[lamamax3]

The short story is that we have four kids-three bio and one adopted. Our child's bmom is expecting again and has asked if we would adopt the new baby too. First, we are immensely happy to know that she has such confidence in us as the parents of her first child that she's willing to place another baby into our family. Second, the idea of these bio siblings getting to grow up together is amazing and beautiful and important. Third, I adore kids and being a mom. Four is the big one; how do we afford to raise five kids?

I have discovered that in some states, there are subsidies offered to families who foster the siblings of their adopted children. We adopted from a non-profit, not foster care, so I don't know if that would work. Plus, we would not want to raise a child as a foster, just to get the money. It doesn't seem fair for the child to be labeled that way, when we could do a straight adoption, with the birthparents' blessing.

Does anyone know of any programs out there to help out financially? We have a well-connected uncle who is actually looking into charity and pro-life groups he deals with to find out if they have any sponsorship programs. That would be wonderful and totally ironic, since we are completely pro-choice!

The baby would be eligible for state healthcare and WIC, so the costs in the beginning would be minimal.

We haven't told our five year old, but we did talk about it with the eleven and eight year olds. They think we should go for it. I pointed out that each child means less money to go around, and my oldest said that she's been through it three times already, without ever noticing that :) The eight year old said that the only way we could say no was if we never told his little brother. He can't see it being ok with our new son that we didn't take his sibling.

Advice and opinions welcome!

[Spirit Dancer]

I say go for it!! Blessings in your journey.

[MMJ8S]

We have three bio children and have adopted three, and in the process of adopting two more. Our combined income in just under $60,000. Money is tight. We have our NEEDS met and some times get our wants met as well. I would trade "things" any day for the opportunity to have my kids.
My kids work for the things they want. I now have two that are 18 and 19 who are out of the house living on their own and going to college. They are very grounded and responsible because they know what is really important. FAMILY.
So don't let finances be your deciding factor. It can be done.

[RedOakMomma]

We have four kids on one income, so I know what you mean when you say finances are an issue.  And it's responsible, I think, to really think about it.

That said, I think you almost have to go for it.  The chance to grow up with a biologically related sibling, especially when the adoption process would be so simple and cost-free, is HUGE.  I know you worry about there being less to go around for all your kids, but I think the benefit to your adopted child(ren) would be enormous. 

Are you a part of the frugal forum (what's the real name?) in MDC?  There are plenty of ways to shave off savings here and there so you can afford to raise one more.  It's tight (don't I know it!), but family is worth it.  Good luck!

[lamamax3]

Thanks for the replies! We are thinking we'll say yes, but it's still a scary proposition. It's conditional on the expectant father being in agreement anyway. Our social worker wants to meet with him soon, rather than just hear his opinion secondhand from the emom. If she decides to parent, the siblings will have contact with each other, since we do visits with her already.

My husband is fixated on the question of what happens if she gets pregnant again and asks us to adopt. My honest, serious answer is that the minivan only holds one more kid. It may seem like a silly way to set a limit, but it's kind of a metaphor for the fact that six kids would take us to another level. I told him that I would still feel like the kids were missing out on the opportunity to be together, but that we just couldn't do more. Plus, we can't make this decision based on what might happen in the future!

We homeschool (or unschool-lite), so this is going to be interesting, if it happens!

[RedOakMomma]

the minivan response is funny....it's the reason I gave my husband when he asked if I was *SURE* I would feel "done" after having our fourth.  To me, the idea of moving into the realm of passenger vans just seemed like a no-go.

...and, much to his relief, I felt the same once #4 arrived!

Best of luck to you.  I'm so glad to hear you might move forward. :)  Money's important, but not nearly as important as family.

[Polliwog]

You wouldn't be able (in most cases) to get subsidy if the baby wasn't in foster care. DD's baby twin brothers are with another foster family who will likely adopt them. I just couldn't take two premature babies. Besides being single, I'd need a new house and a new car in order to take both. I'd consider a future baby if their birth mother gets pregnant again but I could never do two more.