Thank you all for the words of love and kindness. I have been taking them in each day and feeling comforted by all the support. Right now I'm trying to stay calm so that my body will be more likely to go into labor. That isn't so easy but I'm trying. It will be a relief when the baby comes so I can finally grieve in the way I so badly want to grieve. We have to avoid induction at all cost due to me being a VBAC but everything says that usually a woman goes into labor within 2 weeks when this happens.
I have done a little reading and discovered that the excessive hiccuping was a strong warning sign of cord compression. It isn't something you see in everyday books but when you look at stillbirth research it is very clear. Hiccups are normal to a certain extent but episodes of over 3-4 per day, increasing frequency, and having more than 10-15 per minute during a given episode is not normal. Also, hiccuping should decrease with gestational age. My baby had over 7-10 episodes a day and during the episodes he/she would hiccup at least 40-50 per minute (very rapid rate unlike normal hiccups). Also the episodes increased with time. That in combination with the frequency of my BH contractions is a warning that the cord needed to be checked. I'm telling everyone this b/c this SHOULD be common knowledge and women should be told this info. I continually brought up the excessive frequency and intensity of my baby's hiccups with my care providers and anyone I spoke with. It was something that I always found weird but I chalked it up to every baby being different. I hope that one day this will become common knowledge for women and care providers b/c I find it to be much more helpful than kick counts. By the time kicking stops it is too late but the hiccup thing is something you can monitor very easily if you start to notice them becoming very frequent you can easily go in for a NST or u/s to check the cord. Too little too late for my baby, but I hope it helps others prevent this type of devastation.
My husband and I did a belly cast yesterday and we are now trying to figure out all the little things we can do in the hours after our baby comes earthside to preserve what we can. I so wish we could have seen the gender from the u/s but the baby had his/her legs closed.
I would love to be able to give this baby a name. We have chosen Alessandra Juliet for a girl and Jude Mateo for a boy. I will keep you all posted and I'll post the birth story in pregnancy loss when the time comes and link it here. I don't want to post too much here b/c I know that you mommas need positive, happy thoughts during this special time.
Lots of Love!