My baby is gone. - Page 5

[Carolyn R]

I agree with the others who have said please share as much as you're comfortable with.

I wish so much I had been part of a "DDC" seven years ago when our baby daughter passed away. Even though I was grieving, I was still as proud as any other mother...about my birth, my daughter's life, how she looked, and so on. But because our society has such a taboo about death, there was a limited amount of people that even asked about her, let alone take the time to look at pictures or listen to me tell our story.

On a somewhat related note, please be aware that because many people are so awkward about death, you may have to deal with comments/platitudes that may anger you, like "It's better off this way" or " At least you can have another baby" or the one that really made me mad - "You have an angel in heaven now!" I always wanted to scream back "I don't want a #$%@ angel, I want my BABY back!" I always tried to remember that they meant well, they just didn't know what to say.

Hoping you are able to birth peacefully, and gather many precious memories.

And if you want to share, we'd be truly honored.

[StrongFeather]

I am so sorry to hear of your loss. Healing thoughts to you and your family

[Poodge]

Thank you for sharing the information you found. I hope that you continue to share as much as you feel comfortable.

[RosemaryS-F]

I will definitely light a candle for you. We light candles often for people at our dinner table. Your baby will have one tonight.

[tutucrazy]

Originally Posted by Carolyn R 

On a somewhat related note, please be aware that because many people are so awkward about death, you may have to deal with comments/platitudes that may anger you, like "It's better off this way" or " At least you can have another baby" or the one that really made me mad - "You have an angel in heaven now!" I always wanted to scream back "I don't want a #$%@ angel, I want my BABY back!" I always tried to remember that they meant well, they just didn't know what to say.

YES! We have had some pretty shocking statements over the past few days:

"You're young still, you'll have more babies."
"You're baby is in a better place."
"There must have been something not right with the baby."
"At least you have your DS."
"Your baby is with God. He always has a plan, we have to accept this suffering."
"Your baby will be reincarnated in the future."

[~pi]

People can be so insensitive. to you, tutu, and retroactively to you, Carolyn.

[emmaegbert]

Oh tutu, people are so crazy and thoughtless. But I think Carolyn is right, for the most part, they just may not know what to say or how to even think about it (but, clearly, they feel the need to say something).

I am also thankful that you are still here sharing with us. Of course I am very saddened for you and your family, but I really am glad hear that you are able to plan for a birth that will allow you to honor your baby. Please do continue to feel welcome, and know that we are thinking of you.

[theboysmama]

carolyn- you are right on with that.

We got "maybe this is gods way of saying you shouldn't have any more children" TWICE!!!! and many other wonders.

We will light a candle for your baby as well. This is a hard hard journey and you are not alone. Have you checked out faces of loss faces of hope? it is an excellent resource.

[tutucrazy]

Originally Posted by theboysmama 

We will light a candle for your baby as well. This is a hard hard journey and you are not alone. Have you checked out faces of loss faces of hope? it is an excellent resource.

Yes, wonderful resource!!!!

I agree, most people really have the best of intentions and just don't know how to approach someone in this circumstance. And for these few insensitive comments I have had HUNDREDS of people reaching out with nothing but pure love and kindness. I feel so blessed and loved.

[PseudoDiva]

Thanks for continuing to check in.  It's nice to have some continuity.  I am praying for you and your sweet baby.  

[NDFanatik]

((hugs))  I'm so very sorry.

[GranolaBoho]

I am so, so, so sorry for your loss. My healing vibes for your heart and your family.

[cameragirl]

Originally Posted by tutucrazy 


YES! We have had some pretty shocking statements over the past few days:

"You're young still, you'll have more babies."
"You're baby is in a better place."
"There must have been something not right with the baby."
"At least you have your DS."
"Your baby is with God. He always has a plan, we have to accept this suffering."
"Your baby will be reincarnated in the future."

Sigh. We got those, too. People mean well, but they have no clue that those statements hurt. I even got the "Well, we know you can get pregnant." line from a doctor after telling her it took over a year to get pregnant in the first place.

[newyorkmommy]

We got "maybe this is gods way of saying you shouldn't have any more children" TWICE!!!! and many other wonders.

Holy smokes, that is a crappy thing to say to someone. I know this is not current but I'm so sorry you had to deal with that. Good grief.

[Hykue]

Yes, thank you for continuing to talk to us about this.  I don't post here much, but you are really in my thoughts recently.  I hope you continue feeling supported, and I am glad that you have a plan that might help to bring you peace.  I am kind of in the group of people that doesn't know what to say, but I want to say something.  I will continue to think of you and your family.

[starling&diesel]

Thinking of you and your baby today, tutu. 

[newyorkmommy]

tutucrazy, just wanted to say I'm thinking of you and your family today.

[cameragirl]

Just popping in to say that I'm thinking of you.

[Mainebirdgirl]

Hey Tutu, you're still in my thoughts (and I think all of our thoughts). Hope you're doing OK- wish there was something we could do from afar...

[~pi]

  You and your family are very much in my thoughts.