Advice for a mom who will more then likely end up w a NICU baby?

[caiesmommy]

This pregnancy is number 7...I have a 5 & 2.5y old now both full term

This pregnancy has been plagued w issues

bleeding,contractions,pre-e symptoms,bedrest ect ect. We have midwives and ob. Im going for u/s wed to make sure my placentas not detaching and thurs night I lost my mucus plug. And have been having contractions off and on since

So the midwives and ob have said be prepared to go early(im currently 30w)

Any advice how to prepare( i had 2 previous hb...so Ive not even packed a hospital bag). What will I need to take,do before...Id like to make the time run as smoothly as possible for me, baby,dh, family and the kids most of all 

[Ratchet]

Not an exhausive list, but things I've thought of:

-A good book, a laptop with wifi, a journal-- there is a lot of sitting and waiting at the bedside time potentially.  Good time to get thank you cards written for baby gifts you got/ will get.

-How far is your house from the NICU?  If it's too far you should figure out a place to stay nearby for after you are discharged as a patient.

-Find out visitor policy, as your kids might not be allowed in at all, but even if they are I'm sure they won't be up for visitng long, so childcare arrangements, or lots of things to keep them entertained in the waiting room.

-I went to the hospital from work, thinking I was getting a UTI checked out, and ended up being fully dilated so I obviously didn't have anything with me, and that was fine.  We eventually packed clothes (we are staying with family near the NICU), books etc as above, and I also recommend a big water bottle and coffee mug. But I don't have any other children. 

-You will be spending exceptionaly amounts of time pumping, and you can use the hospital pump while you're there but you'll need to arrange for a hospital grade rental for when you're not there, so check with insurance, find out where to get it, etc.  And some breast gear- obviously nursing bra but also breast pads, lanolin, etc.

I think your biggest challenge is going to be your older children and I don't have advise there.

Best of luck for a long pregnancy- every day counts!  It sounds like you have done great with an already long and challenging road, and its great to have made it to 30 weeks.

[j.e.n]

First and foremost, big hugs to you.  The NICU journey is an experience like no other. I know how overwhelming and scary it is to be on the precipice of the frightening unknown. I wish I could give you a huge hug in person. It can be soooo tough being a mom and wanting to protect and be there for ALL of your children.

Moving on. I'm not sure you can *fully* prepare for this emotional and physical journey ... but my thoughts from my experience:

• Spend what time you have, if any, being with your older children. For me personally, I knew that I was going to be completely engrossed in the care of my preemie twins - so I wanted to get every single second I could with my older kids before I knew that our time together would be few and far between. Honestly, that was the most difficult thing for me during our NICU journey - being away from my home and family.
• Childcare is a huge one. I don't know what your personal situation is ... work/SAHM/etc - but it can get tricky trying to arrange for care of your older children since you'll want to be with your tiny one. Family. Friends. I'm sure you've thought about it already knowing what may be coming. 
• If you are able, I would tour your NICU facilities (unless you already have). It helps to know what the expectations are and the accommodations available to you. NICUs are not all the same. Mine had a strict policy that children under 10 weren't allowed into the facility. Also, if you are able to room-in - that will help determine some of the things that you may want/need.
• I concur with Ratchet - having a laptop was pretty much the only thing that saved me. I was able to room-in, so I used it when I needed some downtime to decompress. I would update my family/friends via my blog (or you could always utilize CaringBridge), e-mail, Netflix/Hulu, etc. I tried reading, but with everything that was always going on - I couldn't really focus to read anything properly (or I would start falling asleep from exhaustion!!). I also had journals, notecards, thank yous, etc. I also had a camera and a video camera. For our family, photos and videos really helped with our older kids since they weren't allowed in to visit. It crushed my 4yo to be banned - so it made her feel more connected and excited to actually see what the babies looked like (and I would make videos of myself talking to them, Skype, etc). For my 2yo, it helped make it more "real" for him to actually see the babies rather than just hearing about them. I also brought photos of my family and drawings my daughter made to have in the room. My NICU allowed bringing in your own baby blankets/clothes also (when they reach the "approved" gestation for them). I didn't know what I was having so I got that stuff later (which you could too - or have someone else do for you).
• If you are allowed to room-in (or if you WANT to - I did, many moms like to go home too), a comfy pillow, blanket, a neck pillow, if you're going to nurse - a boppy. Plan for your meals/snacks. My NICU had a cafeteria, but I wasn't interested in spending that much money to eat unhealthy food and take that much time out to go there and back. If there's one available, utilize the community kitchen. Then you can prepare meals/snacks. I had food for breakfast/lunch/snacks and we had friends that prepared meals for at night when my husband would bring my older children to spend time with me and we would eat together. IMHO, if anyone asks what they can do for you - take them up on it during this time. People want to help you, and it really takes away some of the stress of having to worry about "one more thing". I have picky nutritional standards, so it was awesome to have like-minded friends feeding my family food that didn't make me cringe. lol :o)
• Prepare family/friends on what the expectations are for visiting. We had relatives that would just show up at the NICU expecting it to be like an old-school newborn nursery with babies lined up by windows that they could walk by to just "see them quick". And that was a very frustrating aspect. I personally wasn't interested in entertaining any and everyone that wanted to come visit. Other than very close family and a few friends, I requested that everyone visit our family after discharge when we were home and settled.
• If you are going to breastfeed, I agree with Ratchet's pumping comment. There is a lot of pumping. I used the hospital-grade pump as well. But to be honest with you, I found it to be more annoying and it actually did NOT work as well as my personal pump - so I just brought it in and used it instead. Supposedly the hospital pumps have a special "preemie" setting, but in my case (went through 3 pumps), they didn't work any better than my own Medela. :o) Have extra parts available for when pieces are drying or if you need to pump away from the NICU. And I'm sure you know, but make sure that you get PLENTY of fluids and protein to produce milk. It gets hard sometimes when you just want to sit and hold your baby all day, but it will be worth it later when you have lots of milk!
• Try not to stress. However, I think for every mama in this situation, it's impossible not too. If you can, rest as much as possible. And try to make sure to take good care of yourself after the baby arrives. It can take a toll having a baby in general - let alone one that's in the NICU, getting used to all of the NICU procedures/routines/etc, being away from your older children, losing the birth experience you desired, etc.

I will send you happy, positive thoughts/vibes/prayers. You can do this. It may get completely crazy and you might feel like it's too much at times - but I promise that you will make it through. If you need a friend or someone to vent to -- PM me. I know I felt that only other mothers than have rode the NICU rollercoaster could REALLY understand and empathize with my emotions and situation.

HUGE HUGS to you. I will pray that you can keep that little one in as long as possible. You've already done a great job!!! Stay strong beautiful!

[justKate]

The PPs have given you great advice already, but I wanted to second the issue with the breast pumps.  I found that using the hospital pump was more stressful than carrying mine around and using it all the time.  I was familiar with one set of settings and got into a routine with it.  The NICU should (may?) give you containers for pumped milk and a place to store any excess for a while. 

I would take magazines--my NICU didn't allow "wired" toys like laptops and cell phones--but they'd be good to have when you're not sitting with baby. The big water bottle is great--although the hospital may give you one if you ask nicely. 

It is a hard journey, but it sounds like you've been struggling with it for a while already.  I hope that Baby stays snuggled in as long as possible.  Keep us posted on how you're both doing.