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September Dating Thread - Let's all FALL for the right kind of men who are actually good for us! - Page 4

post #61 of 72
9/25/11 at 6:30pm

I'll post even though I have nothing interesting to report! Still struggling along in the dating world. I haven't had all but 4 dates since my separation in December but am still lingering on OKC and actually have gotten really busy on there lately. I admit I can't always keep up with the emails and get guys confused sometimes :/ seems to be I have just hit a point were I have been on long enough that more people are noticing my profile.

so as far as cyber dating- I'm on fire! but in real life- where it counts- bleh! I need a local babysitter so I can actually take some of these real life dates I'm offered!! How do you gals find local babysitters when family and friends aren't close by?

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post #62 of 72
9/26/11 at 6:30am

I usually ask around at my daughter's school or people I know who have had babysitters in the past for THEIR kids.

 

post #63 of 72
9/26/11 at 1:08pm

Ok, I'm back to report on my lunch date with Mr.FitnessTrainer. We met at a restaurant close to my office that was REALLY loud (my bad, stupid choice for a first date!). I got there and he seemed very relieved to see me. I think he was expecting me to stand him up. He looked pretty much like in his pictures on Match: VERY buff and shaved head, dressed casual. I didn't expect it, but he's only a bit taller than more (no more than 5"6). We sit down and immediately get into the same banter that we had via email. It was soooo easy to talk to him. We have a similar sense of humour it seems. He tells me about his experience working as a fitness trainer for the Canadian troups in Afghanistan, about travelling around the world and about his students in Management.

 

All in all, it was a really fun and laid-back dinner. He paid for everything, thanking me for even showing up (I guess that was a big concern of his?), and then we walked around downtown and sat in a park. Afterwards, he walked with me a bit before I veered off to get to work. Goodbye hug and a promise to do it again sometime.

 

Phew. I'm relieved. This date went much better than the first two I had with guys from OKC.

 

Aaaaaand, I've got another lunch date scheduled for Mr.MarketingExec on Wednesday. :)

post #64 of 72
9/26/11 at 4:25pm

So I've been seeing text-guy again for the past month or so (he's the 31 year-old guy I was seeing for 3 months this spring).  He was really reserved and closed-up before and I never felt completely comfortable but now things have changed and it seems he's totally comfortable with me, as I am with him.  We talk/text pretty much daily and see each other several times on the weeks I don't have kiddos and less when I do.  We talked about the fact that neither of us has been with anyone else since we started hanging out again but didn't talk about if we are actually exclusive (it was a quick "in the moment" talk when we were questioning the need for a condom- he hasn't been with anyone since we were together before and I haven't been with anyone since I got std tested just before starting to see him again).  I was out last week at an event and ran into him there.  It was the first time I've seen him out when we hadn't planned to meet so I was a bit nervous when I approached him to say hi.  He gave me a big hug and said he was happy to see me.  We both ended up talking all night with other people then when I was leaving I went to find him to say goodnight (I had to leave to work night shift) and one of the men he was talking to referred to me as his "girlfriend" he didn't correct him and in fact gave me a big hug and a kiss when I was leaving smile.gif.  He also came to cheer me on at a bike race last week even though he was injured and not able to race that day.

 

So here's my question- do I continue seeing him and not really knowing what he's thinking and not using condoms or do I say something about the fact that unless/until we have an actual agreement to be exclusive we need to use them and see what he says.  I'm hesitant to push bc he made it clear when we 1st started dating in Feb that he was not wanting anything serious and in fact ended things in June when he thought I wanted that (I've told him recently that I didn't but I did want more info since we had been seeing each other for 3 months at that time).  He didn't say anything in June, just kind of disappeared and has since apologized for doing that instead of communicating.  Things seem different now though.  I'm not seeing anyone else but I've been asked out recently and said no bc I'm seeing someone (it was someone I'm not interested in) but there are other men I know who are clearly interested who I see around a lot and talk to and who I would be interested in if I wasn't seeing textguy.  One in particular I would be very interested in but I don't want to play with fire by dating both esp since it's a small town and they both seem to be at every event and bike race that I go to.  Every time I've gone out lately I've run into this second guy (sometimes when I was with text-guy, sometimes just with girlfriends).  It seems like everybody knows everybody and everybody's business here.

 

Sorry for the long ramble...

post #65 of 72
9/26/11 at 6:13pm
MoochieMama, it seems pretty clear that you are not comfortable with foregoing condoms with this guy at this time. If he won't respect that wish, then it would be a bad idea to have sex with him, for many reasons.

Otherwise, I'm happy to see so many positive stories! Yay for all!

I had a really great weekend with a guy that I've been seeing very sporadically since the beginning of summer. We cuddled on the couch and watched documentaries and walked along the lake near where he lives and looked at the stars and cooked dinner together and lingered in bed for a long time in the morning. Mostly we talked about random stuff, but we got into more personal things, such as past relationships, for the first time. When we met, he lived in my neighborhood, but since has moved out of the city, so it's pretty impossible for us to spend much time together, but I will happily take this kind of quality over quantity. It was the first time that I've had any sense of intimacy with a man in ages.
post #66 of 72
9/26/11 at 7:54pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by mimim View Post

MoochieMama, it seems pretty clear that you are not comfortable with foregoing condoms with this guy at this time. If he won't respect that wish, then it would be a bad idea to have sex with him, for many reasons.
 

I'm not sure it's that so much now that I think about it.  He hasn't resisted using them, I'm the one who said how much I hate them.  I'm ok with however things are with him (exclusive or casual)... the condom issue aside I guess I'm wondering if I would still date other people even if we don't have an exclusive relationship just because of the nature of the small town and small social circle.  I'm wondering if I'm passing up on a good, real relationship just because I happen to be "hanging out" (that's the term my friends and I have decided is appropriate for a together-but-not-official-relationship status that we all seem to end up in) with him.  I like him a lot and have a lot of fun but when you mentioned feeling like you experienced "intimacy" with someone I realized that even though he is starting to open up (an itsy-bitsy-teeny-tiny bit) I am missing that in my life.  Hmmmmmm.....  I just know it would be really weird to have a date with a different guy one night then be out with text-guy the next and run into the first guy.  I already had s**t go down this summer when I dated a guy my ex knows for a few weeks.  Geez it feels like high school again.  I had a friend ask me a while ago: "how do you meet men you don't already know?"  I said- you don't.  I guess that's what happens when you live in a small town for 16 years huh?

post #67 of 72
9/27/11 at 5:44am

Can you tell me more about the condom issue? Do you discuss it with before hand? Have you ever had a man refuse? What do you do then?  What if you forgot or just did not  discuss it beforehand and he says i will in a min then never does.... even if you ask more then once. I just don't get all the scenarios as I remember and I want to be prepared on how to handle this.

post #68 of 72
9/27/11 at 12:17pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Emilie2 View Post

Can you tell me more about the condom issue? Do you discuss it with before hand? Have you ever had a man refuse? What do you do then?  What if you forgot or just did not  discuss it beforehand and he says i will in a min then never does.... even if you ask more then once. I just don't get all the scenarios as I remember and I want to be prepared on how to handle this.



If my case, I would have a condom with me. When things were progressing I would just say "let me get a condom". I've never had anyone refuse and if they did then we wouldn't be having sex. If he said "in a minute" I would say "no. now.". Condoms are not negotiable for me. I'm not on any other form of birth control and I have no idea whether they have any STD's. It's just not worth the risk to go without a condom unless you are in a committed, trusting relationship and you know the other persons sexual history and have seen a recent STD screening.

 

post #69 of 72
9/27/11 at 4:09pm

Hello!  It has been awhile since I have posted in here.  I got divorced over a year and a half ago and a year ago I started dating again.  The first two guys I dated were not good at all and I felt very discouraged.  Then out of nowhere I met my current boyfriend.  We have been together for 5 blissful months and he is everything that I have ever wanted.  He is my best friend and my soul mate.  I used to think there were not any good guys out there, but he is proof that there is.  I hope that all of you are having good dating experiences and are meeting nice guys.  And if you aren't, you will when the time is right.  Hugs!

post #70 of 72
9/27/11 at 4:17pm

I'd need test proof in my hand to be doing anything minus a condom, some STDs can remain dormant without symptoms and still be spread around, so even if a guy thinks he's clean and fine he might just not know he's got something :/

post #71 of 72
9/28/11 at 5:36am

And please ask for the HSV test. It is not included in regular STD screens.

post #72 of 72
10/1/11 at 9:02am
Well we have talked a few times since and he asked when he could see me again. I mentioned my ex has my kids this weekend but he is busy with work so not sure when next date is.
We talked last night for awhile and he said a few things that rubbed me the wrong way... I think we value money differently which is not entirely a bad thing since I don't care much for it nor have much and he seems to be the opposite.
I just don't know. HE is unlike any man I have dated recently. Very intelligent, very well spoken... it's a challenge to follow him at times. I am not getting my hopes up or at least not trying to .
I have a history of rushing into things and getting hurt.
I just don't know.
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Mothering › Mothering Discussion Forums › Parenting › Life as a Parent › Single Parenting › September Dating Thread - Let's all FALL for the right kind of men who are actually good for us!