Bedtime routines

[mommy212]

DS is almost 2 yo now, and we have never had any kind of bedtime routine. Every few months or less I have to change the way I put him to sleep (rocking, singing, nursing, laying together, reading) because it stops working after a while. Now that he is more toddler than baby (I feel, especially in his other habits) I think it's time to implement a nightime routine, and getting him to go to sleep on his own as well. Ideally, I want him to lay in bed while one of us reads to him, and then turn the lights out and either sing or play lullabies/sleepy music. Is this unrealistic of a 2 year old? Right now he is still strongly in the sleep resistant phase- we usually have to wrestle him into the bedroom/rocking chair, and he would not, atm, lay down in bed alone without restraints  Basically, what I am asking is how to begin it. Do I go all-out with the way I want ideally, or gradually introduce it one piece at a time? What are your bedtime routines and ideas? How do you feel about warm milk (not looking for milk or no milk advice please, just the idea of the warm milk or bedtime snack)? Do you really give them a bath every single night?

[rparker]

My DD is two years older (almost 4), so this may not be helpful, but I'll share it in case there's anything you can take from it. 

6:30 pm (sometimes earlier if she's acting tired and/or asks) her bedtime routine begins:

1) vitamins, potty, wash face (or take bath), brush teeth, change into pajamas

2) read one or two stories/chapters, give sippy cup of water, tuck into bed

3) she looks at picture books and/or plays with Barbies or another quiet toy as long as she wants w/ nightlight and/or closet light on, but she stays in bed

(Sleeps through the night, sometimes gets up to pee, awake between 6:30 and 7:30... awake at this time even if she goes to bed at 12 am.) 

She's usually asleep within 15 minutes. Sometimes it takes her longer, but she's willing to stay in bed as long as she doesn't have to lie there bored. Occasionally I'll hold her/sing her a lullaby/rub her back because she sees her younger sister get these things and it makes her feel better, but 9 nights out of ten we do the above routine. She's weaned and potty trained though... until about 6 months ago I had to nurse her to sleep and it took a lot longer. 

To answer your other questions: I don't believe in anything other than water once teeth are brushed, but I have a kid with two cavities so I'm paranoid. I don't give her a bath every night, but I try to persuade her to wash the visible dirt off with a washcloth herself (and I do the same for her younger sister).

I think that a reliable, consistent routine throughout the entire day helps and it doesn't matter that much WHAT you do as long as it's predictable. Elizabeth Pantley advocates EARLY bedtimes and it's been my experience that she's correct. I stumbled upon beginning bedtime at 6:30 one night when I couldn't stand her being awake any longer (I lied about what time it was) and it's stuck. Of course take all of this with a grain of salt... I'm still struggling with my 11 month old. It seems like a lot of the sleep advice is more effective once they're older/more physically mature. DD1 was precocious in a lot of her daytime cognitive/social development around 18-24 months, but she was still attached to BF-ing 24-7... we never could have followed this routine at that age. 

Oh yeah, one other thing is that how smoothly a bedtime routine goes is going to depend on when it occurs in relation to mealtimes and naps. I really recommend The No Cry Nap Solution if only because it has a super helpful chart broken down by age groups of #s of naps, length between naps/bedtime, # of hrs of bedtime/naptime/total sleep... over the past few years I've consulted it so many times and she's always dead-on about how long a kid at a given age can go without sleeping :) 

[MadameFancyPants]

We've just started having a routine.  DS was slightly anti-routine until recently.  We'd have to change things up or he'd fight.  We also don't have a set time.  We just follow his cues. 

We don't do bath every night so that goes at the beginning on bath night.  On non-bath nights we wash hands, feet, and face and brush teeth.  Then we sit in front of the tv for a few minutes so I can brush his hair, put on his nighttime diaper, and jammies.  It really relaxes him and he sits still so I don't mind him watching the calming night shows on Sprout.  Then it's off to bed to read a story or two. 

Before I leave his room, I make sure he has his sippy of water and lovey.  He's to the point where as soon as I give him kisses and say go night is enthusiastically waves and says "BYYYYYE."   It's super cute.

Usually he rolls over and is out with a minute or two.  Sometimes he gets up and wanders around his room a bit before settling down.