Brief history: DH moved out in March and although the plan is to divorce we haven't filed anything yet because of finances and not being in any rush. He's still involved with our DS pretty much daily. I have been so surprised at how well i have handled parenting by myself, and i've felt (surprisingly!) very at peace with the decision to end our marriage. At the same time, I have some really difficult days (tonight included) where I feel so completely hopeless about my future. I often feel lonely and alone, and like I have nobody (except one friend) who truely understands me and what I am going through, and remains completely supportive of me. Before we separated we spend 1.5 years ttc unsuccessfully with doctor appts and meds etc. I guess I am still very much struggling with the idea I will never have more children (something I have always wanted, and especially so after I suffered PPD after DS was born and feel like I missed out on so much time with him as a baby), and that I will live alone forever. I am so sad for my son that he will be a only child (even if someday by chance I do get re-married, any possible sibling would be so much younger, he'd really still be an "only"), and though I have boxes and boxes and boxes of old too-small clothing and cloth diapers etc etc I cannot bear to get rid of them (same with all my maternity stuff). I feel sort of pathetic keeping those things when I know in my heart I will not be usings them (at least not any time in the forseeable future), and i'm not young in fertility years either. All this on top of thinking about moving to a new home (the one we live in is in DH's name, not mine) just feels so overwhelming and I feel hopeless about my future. I am in therapy, and it is very helpful, but I don't know anybody IRL who has survived divorce who I can talk to.
eta: DS is also in therapy and seems to be doing really well, by all accounts right now. I am still very afraid of having screwed him up forever with this decision also... and the thought of me raising him as an older child/teenager is daunting at best
Feel like I'm rambling, but this has been bottled up awhile, thanks to anyone who reads this :) and double thanks to anyone who has any words of hope for me!