Do you agree with the statement: "Whats One More?" when babysitting?

[J's Mombee]

I seem to be the only person in my circle of parents right now that disagrees with the idea that 1 more kid is more than I can handle.  I am currently a SAHM of a kindergartener and 5 month old twins.  My babies and my 5-year-old are doing great, and I am still finding my rhythm while parenting all 3.  I love it, but I am learning and getting better as I go.

This summer, DS1 did not attend summer camp and my twins were born in April, so I am working with a trio in completely different developmental stages.  I really wanted to enroll DS1 into summer camp this summer, but there were a few last minute changes.  I was not excited about the idea of DS1 watching television all summer while I slept during the babies' nap times.  I was actually pretty stressed about how I would handle it all, but it worked out MUCH better than I thought.

During the first 2 months, I had lots of guests, and afterward, I was able to find lots of free or low cost educational field trips in my area.  We had a blast visiting various places once a week or so.  I blogged about it and actually began walking at least 1 mile during the days that we didn't travel.  I remembered telling my doctor that I was very tired after DS1 was born, and I was encouraged to exercise so that I could gain the energy I needed.  This time around, I am definitely trying to exercise more and it is definitely, but at the end of the day I am exhausted.  I still feel overwhelmed a lot of times, but if I can get out of the house or keep moving, I can manage it.

I received a few requests from people requesting I babysit during the week.  I wondered if I looked as if I wasn't busy or if I looked as if I wasn't already trying to manage and avoid becoming overwhelmed.  I did not agree to any of the requests, but I did invite other parents to join me with their kids.  I absolutely love spending time and having fun with my kids, but I do believe that adding an additional child to the mix makes me a lot more tired. 

When I declined offers, I have gotten the same response from observers: "Whats one more?"  Other parents went on and on about how 1 more kid doesn't make a huge difference, but I disagree.  Often times, I am exhausted and I get up and out so that I won't fall asleep all day.  No matter how much I work to create a schedule, DS1 will not nap as much as DD or DS2, and I don't expect him to.  My getting out of the house was my effort to allow the babies to get some fresh air while DS1 actually enjoyed his summer vacation.  Looking back, the transition has been great and I am still exhausted  regularly, but walking helps.

[CrunchyMama19]

I voted "it depends".

If I am at home, and the extra child is someone my older DD can play with than it is no big deal. We have a couple of neighbors who have kids that get along great with DD and they are always welcome and at times it's even a little easier since DD is occupied.

However, if we are on an outing than to me that is more complicated since that is another child to transport, account for, and worry more (about strangers, running off, ect.). It would definitely require some more planning.

And then if it is another baby, well forget it. I don't think I could handle a small baby in addition to my 1 yo and 4 yo unless it was our own. It would take some serious planning and preparation on my part.

[2xy]

Depends on the kid.

[cameragirl]

Definitely depends on the kid. Some are easy as can be, and some are a handful all by themselves.

[pianojazzgirl]

I said "it depends".  TBH usually for me the answer would be "yes".  Sometimes it's a LOT harder, sometimes just a bit.  Occasionally it actually makes things easier to add an extra playmate to the mix.  The big deciding factor is who is the extra kid that we're talking about.  We have one really great family friend who is very well behaved and older than both of my kids.  Usually having him over actually makes things go more smoothly between my 2 kids.  But add in a kid they don't know as well, and especially someone a bit younger, and things usually get a bit trickier (having to negotiate sharing difficulties being a biggie).  If we're talking about a baby, then adding 1 more to the mix makes things way harder.

I think it's pretty rude of someone to say "what's one more?" when you've already told them you are feeling too overwhelmed to babysit. 

[Imakcerka]

Uh... in your situation the fact that anyone asked is rude to me. I would never dream of asking anyone with a new baby let alone two to babysit my kid. Now if the kid was the same age as your oldest I would consider periodically just so there is a playmate but as you said you get in a nap when the babies are asleep. Now I'm beginning to wonder how anyone could forget how demanding a baby is at that age...

[onlyzombiecat]

It depends on the age, personality and length of time I will be required to be responsible for another child how much difference it makes to me.

Dh and I chose to only have one child because that is where we felt our family's limit lay in all ways. When we have more children under our care it changes the dynamic quite a bit in terms of how I feel, how dd behaves, what we can do or where we can go. When dd was small I cared for 2 to 4 other children at the same time as dd  for several hours and it became too much. I was so much more wiped out with each additional child.

These days I can watch another child overnight and not be so exhausted.

[Linda on the move]

Originally Posted by Imakcerka 

Uh... in your situation the fact that anyone asked is rude to me. I would never dream of asking anyone with a new baby let alone two to babysit my kid. ..

This. I voted "it depends" before I even read your post. I'm sure there will come a day when you feel that one more isn't a big deal - in another 5 years or so I'm sure it will be quite easy to add more well behaved child who gets along with yours.

But with 5 month old twins???? Holy cow. I can't believe people asked you.

I think it also depends on the child. Some kids are high maintenance, and adding them, even when all the kids are older, adds more work.

[One_Girl]

It really depends on the child and the day.  Usually when my friend comes over she is much more occupied and it is easier.  Sometimes the kids are together too often, not playing well together, or wanting to do things that take a lot of my time and energy so it isn't easier.  If I had more than one child I don't think I would find it so easy though and I can't imagine why someone would question why you are saying no to a request for free babysitting.  That is really tacky imo.

[AutumnAir]

Adding another kid sounds overwhelming to me.  Maybe it's because both of mine are pretty hardcore needs-wise and also terrible sleepers, but I would be loth to add anyone else's kid to the mix...

[J's Mombee]

Originally Posted by Imakcerka 

Uh... in your situation the fact that anyone asked is rude to me. I would never dream of asking anyone with a new baby let alone two to babysit my kid. Now if the kid was the same age as your oldest I would consider periodically just so there is a playmate but as you said you get in a nap when the babies are asleep. Now I'm beginning to wonder how anyone could forget how demanding a baby is at that age...

I actually thought that the requests were rude too.  I have not been able to nap while the babies nap until very recently.  I found a way to get my 5 year old to nap again for at least 1 hour, so I get him to lie down while the babies lie down (and I can catch a snooze then).  After night nursing DS2 several times a night and just keeping DS1 (my 5 year old) entertained, I am really tired.  I find that I am able to stay awake and more positive if I get out of the house.  This might be why people believe that all is well, and it is okay to ask, but wow.

One of the kids that I was asked to babysit is quite bossy and spends the time with my DS1 complaining or trying to boss him around.  My DS1 is often whining and complaining back.  It is very annoying and the parent knows this.  The child that I am talking about is my niece and I really love her, but it was annoying before the babies were even here.  It is super tiring to deal with it alone right now.

Even if this wasn't the dynamic, I really feel as if I am working to manage the load that I have right now, and all of the outings are my way of making this effort, ykwim?

Originally Posted by onlyzombiecat 

It depends on the age, personality and length of time I will be required to be responsible for another child how much difference it makes to me.

Dh and I chose to only have one child because that is where we felt our family's limit lay in all ways. When we have more children under our care it changes the dynamic quite a bit in terms of how I feel, how dd behaves, what we can do or where we can go. When dd was small I cared for 2 to 4 other children at the same time as dd  for several hours and it became too much. I was so much more wiped out with each additional child.

These days I can watch another child overnight and not be so exhausted.

1 of the children that I have been asked to babysit is easy as pie, but the other child has that bossy and complaining dynamic with DS1.  The first child is my little cousin and the 2nd child is my niece.  I try to help out, because my sister is so supportive of us.  My sister does not babysit DS1 and has turned us down when asked in the past (so I shouldn't feel so bad).  She did offer to pay, but I couldn't help but wish that she could pay me in hours of sleep :lol.  I wanted to bury my head in the sand when she asked me to babysit, but I nicely declined every time so far.

I have invited everyone to join us (parents included) on our outings, and they have gone very well.

Originally Posted by Linda on the move 

This. I voted "it depends" before I even read your post. I'm sure there will come a day when you feel that one more isn't a big deal - in another 5 years or so I'm sure it will be quite easy to add more well behaved child who gets along with yours.

But with 5 month old twins???? Holy cow. I can't believe people asked you.

I think it also depends on the child. Some kids are high maintenance, and adding them, even when all the kids are older, adds more work.

My son can be high maintenance, but he seems to be mellowing out as he gets older.  My niece is not so much, except our households' parenting styles are so very different.  Some of the stuff that comes up really bugs me, but I realize that my redirecting and guiding my niece is met with disdain, so I try to lay off.

I would never ask someone with infant twins to babysit for me unless it was an emergency. 

I am still catching my breath while trying to manage a 5 year old's needs while managing the needs of the almost 5 month olds.  Their needs are so different, but to me, switching back and forth takes energy.  My 5 year old has been known to start whining most when DS2 or DD is mid cry, :lol, and these are the moments that I fear would lead to my own melt down if I added one more kid.  I am staying afloat now and actually handling it well IMO, but I can't see handling another kid for 8+ hours.  The thought of it feels overwhelming to me.

Originally Posted by AutumnAir 

Adding another kid sounds overwhelming to me.  Maybe it's because both of mine are pretty hardcore needs-wise and also terrible sleepers, but I would be loth to add anyone else's kid to the mix...

This might be a part of it for me too.  Also, I hardly have time to clean the way that I want to, so I wouldn't want to add another kiddo to a messy space.  I am doing better in the cleaning department, but I still have a long ways to go.

Wouldn't it be great if those same parents offered to come over to help? :lol

I am thankful for my DH that is in it with me and my 2 aunts that have actually come over to help periodically.
 

[JayGee]

It really depends on the age of the children.  When they were toddlers/preschoolers, I got really stressed about adding extra kids to the mix.  Now that they're all in grade school, the more the merrier!  We often have 3 or 4 friends or neighbors kids over and I love it.

[limabean]

It totally depends. Often times it's actually easier for me to have a neighbor kid over, because then my kids are entertained and I can get stuff done around the house.

But my kids are 6 and 3. I wouldn't dream of asking someone with 5-month-old twins to babysit, and would never say something like, "What's one more?" to her if I was rude enough to ask and she declined. 

[Nicole730]

I voted it depends.  I have a 3 year old and 1 year old and I had a friend say she'd rather I watch her 7 month old baby than her other friend who only has a 3 year old because I know what it's like to watch more than one kid.  I wasn't able to sit that time, but I was thinking a baby and a 1 year old?  Yikes, that would be a really long day.  I thought it was funny that in her mind it would have been "easier" for me to watch more kids than the person who "only" has a 3 year old.

It would be a rare occasion that I would have my 5 year old have a friend tag along if I had 5 month old twins!  I agree with PP though, as the kids all get older, adding another one won't be that big of a deal. 

[mumkimum]

I voted that adding 1 would be overwhelming for me.

My dd's are great kids, and really pretty good around others too or for going out, but for me having to handle them when their routine is disrupted or irregular is *hard* and a lot of work, and leaves me absolutely no energy to take care of myself.  And I happen to need that extra energy.  Hard bedtimes, lack of naps, going out to more than one place a day, etc are just sometimes a nightmare for me,period, because they always have been.  I opt out of doing stuff with other kids a lot, and would always prefer something like that at least with dh, if not also the other kids parent (like you OP).  Certain ages, and personalities too (mom's included), probably make this less of a big deal to others.

Agreeing with the others that asking someone with 5 mo old twins to babysit not to be the most 'in touch with others' idea.  

[bec]

Ok, I voted sure, what's one more kid.  BUT, I voted based on my current situation!!  My youngest is almost 6, my oldest 10.5 years, with the middle at almost 8.  They are in a VERY different place than having a 5 year old and infant twins!!!  When my youngest was 5 months, and my middle was 2.5 months, there was simply no way I would be able to take another child.  Now, at these ages, it's no big deal to add 1 more kid or even 5! 

[Mummoth]

I voted it depends... my kids are school-aged, so having someone over is no big deal. On an outing, an extra kid can be stressful. I wouldn't ask a mom with a baby to watch my kids, she's busy enough!

[Peony]

Totally depends. I often don't mind on more kid tagging along, but with baby twins, heck no! I would maybe consider it for myself right now with ONE newborn only if it was an easy older kid that my kids got along with. We have a neighbor kid that is over often in the summer, she is older then my oldest, 10 I'd say, and because her personality and my DD1's personality, I still have to police them. I'd never in a billion years agree to take that kid anywhere with me, baby or not. DD2 on the other hand is 4 and has friends that I'd take along tomorrow with us. With you having to adjust from 1 child to 3, that is a big change and you certainly need time to get a grip on handling multiple kids before adding "one more" in there, and only taking them if you want to. 

[lindberg99]

Originally Posted by J's Mombee 

When I declined offers, I have gotten the same response from observers: "Whats one more?"  Other parents went on and on about how 1 more kid doesn't make a huge difference, but I disagree.  Often times, I am exhausted and I get up and out so that I won't fall asleep all day.  No matter how much I work to create a schedule, DS1 will not nap as much as DD or DS2, and I don't expect him to.  My getting out of the house was my effort to allow the babies to get some fresh air while DS1 actually enjoyed his summer vacation.  Looking back, the transition has been great and I am still exhausted  regularly, but walking helps.

I would refer the people who want you to babysit to the parents who made the statement listed in red. If having one extra kid around is so easy for them, I'm sure they would be happy to babysit each other's children.

[AllisonR]

I'm also it depends camp. Adding an extra child often makes some things easier. If DS (6) and DD (4) have started to get on each others nerves, one inviting a friend over gives them tons to do and actually makes it easier for me. In fact, if they both are adding a friend, so that is 2 extra, it is often the best. However, this gets reciprocated. Next week DD will go to her friends house, DS might go to a friends house, and then I am minus a child or two. 

If they asked you to babysit, as in just "because you are home" it is rude. If they asked you to babysit, as in "and I'll take your 5 yo or your twins next week" - then fabulous - I would say go for it. The 5 yo would probably love the company, and next week you will have a break yourself.