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Hubby still gets to sleep in after kids- give me some perspective!!!!

post #1 of 16
Thread Starter 

My husband works more of 2nd shift job- teaches music lessons after school.....so he usually gets home around 10pm.  He and I were both NOT morning people before we had kids and usually slept until 9am-  we BOTH then worked in the afternoons/ evenings.  I understand he needs to wind down and have some time to rejuvenate, but some days it drives me crazy.  I am usually fine getting up w/ the kids, I don't need as much sleep.

 

Last night we both stayed up getting ready for ds1 birthday today, and he agreed he would get up earlier to celebrate our son turning 4.  Well apparently he stayed up later and now wants to "stay in bed and "get a good nights sleep"-- I told him I was disappointed AND I'm mad-- I feel like he's being selfish and letting ds1 down too........

 

AAAArghhhhhhhh.  Sorry if this sounds like complaining, 

Otherwise, he's super involved, takes care of kids, cleans house, brings home the bacon......

 

I just would never consider requesting to sleep in on one of the kids birthdays no matter how sleep deprived I was!!!!!!!

 

Any perspective, or mama's with a second shifter??

Thanks for reading!

 

 

post #2 of 16

I'm commiserating.  My husband works a 9-5 with frequent evening hours and then works weekends with his dad on our farm.  And he sleeps badly.  So he generally snoozes while I feed DS breakfast.  I sometimes get super-annoyed....still haven't slept 5 hours straight and DS is 10 months.  But then I think of how hard DH does work and how lucky I am to be with DS even though it.is.exhausting.

 

I have gotten mad at DH before, though.  HE slept in on Mother's Day!  My first one!  I was super pissed.  He heard about it.  He felt horrible and we did a do-over the next weekend.  :)

 

Personally, I choose my battles wisely.

 

Deep breaths mama.  :)  It's good you focus on his awesome qualities.  (But really, I do hear you!) 

post #3 of 16
Thread Starter 

Thanks, Teraze.....I can relate to the Mother's Day sleep in....Argh.  Glad you had a do- over on that one!

It is helpful to focus on the positive, and to validate my own feelings about it.....when he woke up he told me his hand was throbbing most of the night from overwork and he had strained it.  I was able to muster up compassion and focus on being able to celebrate ds1 birthday!

Thanks again for the validation, sometimes I just need to get it out!!!!!!!!!!  I do love that word "commiserating"!

post #4 of 16

On birthdays/mothers/fathers day the kids usually hop onto bed with us first thing in the morning and either open gifts or shove gifts at us. It's my own laziness that started this tradition, it's nice to not have to get up for another 20 minutes... but I'd be surprised if anyone could sleep through it!

 

On a regular weekend, our kids are old enough that neither of us has to get up early, but I'm usually the one they come to with problems. He hasn't ever said no if wake him up and tell him I didn't get a good sleep, could he please deal with the kids. He often chooses to stay up later than I do. Would you be able to/want to take a nap in the afternoon? I'd let him know that if he sleeps in both weekend mornings, he'll be in charge for a few hours later in the day on Sundays.

post #5 of 16

My dh generally sleeps in late AND has a nap in the afternoon on the weekends. I'm more than a little bit resentful of that fact. He's a great dad, involved, etc. But I do find our weekends revolving around his nap schedule. 8 years in and I haven't been able to do anything about that fact. I do know it can be frustrating, trust me!  irked.gif

 

ETA; i NEVER nap, during pregnancies, sicknesses, never. Once when I was pregnant I was so exhausted I fell asleep on the couch. He (who has a nap everyday) got so scared that he was debating whether to call 911! lol. He finally called my mother and told her "she's sleeping, you think she's ok?" I don't even want to know what my mother told him,hopefully she refrained from swearing too much. LOL.

post #6 of 16

Ladies, you can take a nap. You can also sleep in. You don't ask them... I mean do they ask you?  DH never asks I just walk passed the bedroom and see his feet sticking out from under the covers.  So as a little fun game for me, I try to beat him to it.  I'll jump in bed first.  Even if I don't need a nap, sounds petty?  They think we're superwomen and though we complain about their awesome hours of sleep we don't take the naps nor do we tell them we need them.  I generally will lay down when I'm overwhelmed and just need a few minutes.  He'll see that I'm laying down and it's not my norm.  Usually he'll leave me alone and forgo his nap.  I do this every once in awhile.  Men are simple creatures really.  They need to eat, sleep and keep occupied.  While we need to feed, clean, care and put ourselves last. 

 

Put yourself first for once.  With the sleeping in on the birthday, I would have gone into the room with the kid and had a great old time.  Eh... I've been married too long.  Or like two years ago... we continued on the day without him.  Birthday party and all.  I just told the kids he must be sick if he's gonna miss all this fun.  Sure enough he showed up all worried because we left him at home.  Hey guy, we thought the only reason you would be willing to stay in bed on a Birthday was because you were sick.  I didn't accuse of him of anything.  But he felt stupid saying he wasn't sick... just a little selfish today... 

post #7 of 16
Thread Starter 

Thanks for the input, ladies.  It's good to hear how you are handling it...........my dh offers to take care of things if I want to nap later in the am...usual I don't want to, so I guess I can be grateful for that......

the birthday went well!

post #8 of 16

My husband has a crazy schedule and I have severe insomnia issues.  We used to have arguments about sleep but for many years now we have a "sleep first" policy, because the truth is, when we're better rested, we are better parents.  So I let him sleep as late as he wants without giving him any grief about it, and if I have to sleep during the day, he's nice about it too.  As far as birthdays, I don't think it would be so bad to schedule the festivities for later in the day-- within reason of course.  It depends on the age/ patience of the child too.  hth!

post #9 of 16

When my ds was first born 9 years ago, my dh continued his routine of getting up early on the weekends and going surfing till 9 or 10 am. After a month of it, I got sick of it. I sat him down and explained to him that HE was MISSING OUT. He didn't realize that he had NEVER spent a morning with our son, and that he was missing out on special time with him too. He also didn't realize how tired *I* was from parenting 100% of the time, and never getting a moment to myself. 

 

SO, we made a compromise that has worked out pretty well for the last 9 years. He gets to go surfing one morning a weekend, and I get to sleep in one morning a weekend. We kept to it pretty strictly for awhile, and now, we are more flexible with having 3 kids. BUT, his kids WANT him in the morning on the weekends. He really, really embraced his mornings with his kids and they know that if he is there in the morning that he will play wii with them, play with them, and he always cooks them a special breakfast. So, they look forward to it. It's their special time, without me in the way. The rules are different, but that's okay. 

 

 

OH....and a big thing too was that I made it clear that the kids were NOT to come see me in the morning and he was NOT to come wake me up to ask me questions in the morning. When the babe was little, and only bf, I would nurse him, and then ask him not to bring him to me for at least an hour. When he started solids, I remember him waking me up, "What do I feed him?" UGH!! FIgure it out, man....figure it out. ANd he did. And he probably ate less than nutritious things...I don't know. I didn't care. I was ASLEEP!! 

 

Good luck, ladies. 

post #10 of 16

After several years I finally started saying "tomorrow is my sleep in day, so please get up with the kids".

post #11 of 16

Oh yes and you have to be clear with the kids that if mommy is sleeping during non regular sleep hours and daddy is there... which he is.  Ask daddy first.  I had to pound this into their heads!  Not literally but I rewarded them for letting me sleep like going out for raspas or something.  Then eventually they just let me sleep.  I'm about a 30 minute napper too so I'm not asking for the moon.

post #12 of 16
Quote:
Originally Posted by Imakcerka View Post

Oh yes and you have to be clear with the kids that if mommy is sleeping during non regular sleep hours and daddy is there... which he is.  Ask daddy first.  I had to pound this into their heads!  Not literally but I rewarded them for letting me sleep like going out for raspas or something.  Then eventually they just let me sleep.  I'm about a 30 minute napper too so I'm not asking for the moon.


Very good point. My kids are old enough that I'm really blunt with them "I'm going to take a nap because I'm really, really grumpy. If you need anything ask your dad because if you wake me up I will probably yell at you." 

post #13 of 16

My hubby works in a restaurant so his hours change day to day. He has major issues being able to fall asleep. He just can't turn off his brain, so he stays up late watching tv or playing video games until he passes out on the couch. It annoys me greatly, but I don't think he's ever going to change (he has made several attempt to that have failed). I've just accepted it for now. If he ever gets a normal 9-5 job he WILL learn how to go to bed at a decent hour. Right now if he has to leave for work at 10:30am he wakes up at 10:20am and rushes out the door not to return until 10 at night. I end up not seeing him all day and not having help all day. I try to be understanding since he works so hard, but that doesn't make it any less annoying. 

post #14 of 16

Has he tried melatonin?

post #15 of 16
Quote:
Originally Posted by Imakcerka View Post

They think we're superwomen and though we complain about their awesome hours of sleep we don't take the naps nor do we tell them we need them.  I generally will lay down when I'm overwhelmed and just need a few minutes.  He'll see that I'm laying down and it's not my norm.  Usually he'll leave me alone and forgo his nap.  I do this every once in awhile.  Men are simple creatures really.  They need to eat, sleep and keep occupied.  While we need to feed, clean, care and put ourselves last. 

 

Put yourself first for once. 

 

My DH happened to be reading this over my shoulder... and said "Yes.  THIS EXACTLY". 

 

I never used to put myself first.  Now I do....We still get into arguments about him just rolling over in the morning instead of getting up with DD but I don't "ask" anymore for "sleep in days" - I tell him...

 

post #16 of 16

Oh yes...I remember the two of us each pretending to be sound asleep, waiting to see if the other one would finally roll out of bed first to take care of the kids when they were little.  Neither one of us got to sleep that way, so we made a deal that I got up one weekend day, and he could sleep in, and vice versa the next.  It worked.  Now that the kids are older, and DH has gotten into the habit of napping on weekend afternoons, I just stew :(  I know he doesn't sleep well at night, but I still resent it.

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