EBF and difficult partner

[Terrilein]

So, erm, how do you deal with a partner who only grudgingly put up with our nursing up to one year (the length his SIL's nursed) and is now being vocal about his disapproval? His parents also disapprove of our nursing relationship. We are in therapy and in one of our sessions, our therapist even mentioned that - in his opionion - nursing up to 18 months is ok, thereafter there's no reason to. He also said that toddlers who perform acrobatic acts while nursing don't really want to nurse anymore. My partner has taken these declarations as unquestionable, absolute truths and is running now with it. He never bothered reading any of the information I gave him. All the experts, WHO, UNICEF, AAP (although, we're in Germany, so he wouldn't care) and the German Nationalstillkommission are apparently full of crap and don't know what they're talking about. I think he just feels at a gut level that ebf is wrong and he's hanging on to anything he can find to convince me to stop nursing. Any help? Advice? Of course, I have no plans on weaning just to appease my DP (I ebf my oldest 3.5 years) , but any ideas on how to nip this non-sense in the bud???

[asraidevin]

I'm dealing with similar. My hubby wants me to wean by 2.

Take some reading material for the therapist.

Next time my DH brings it up, I'm going to ask him why he believes I need to.

[Asiago]

The therapist sounds not only ignorant but unprofessional. I would likely report him or her to whatever organization gives licenses in the profession. 

Just thinking outside of the box here, but I googled laction consultant germany and came up with some sites. Perhaps you could email one and ask for suggested information to give your husband, since it is coming from a professional german lactation consultant versus the uninformed therapist.

[jewel1288]

hmmm... would posing the question about putting end-by-dates on other aspects of parenting be in his style? For example, does he believe by age (fill in the blank) that your child should no longer desire being read to; tucked in at night; assisted with cleaning their room or making the bed? Honestly, I don't think a specific age can be given for why a child should be developed enough to simply not need their parents help or company in any of those things.... so why is breastfeeding any different? Sure, you could attach an age, but that doesn't make it appropriate or even healthy for the child. Of course, you know this, but he sounds quite stubborn. 

Is your partner jealous of your bond with baby? Maybe a little more reassurance or encouraging gestures that it won't last forever would be helpful to him. Like special notes or making his favorite meal for dinner, if you're able. 

Is your oldest DP's child too? If so, what was his attitude like throughout the duration of your relationship with your oldest? 

[gossamer]

One of my best friends went through something very similar, and she just basically had to tell him "this is my relationship with my baby.  I will listen to what you have to say, but I am under no obligation to act upon it."

[Terrilein]

Well, I brought up the issue at out last session and pointed out how DP apparently didn't bother reading any of the info I gave him and has decided that the therapist is the laction expert. Boy, did the therapist really draw a line - just his opinion, not expertise - and then we discussed for virtually the whole hour the issue. Despite all the information I gave him and he supposedly read - mostly kellymom with the WHO recommendation - he still clings to his own ideas of what is "right". Apparently he always thought that babies get fed every 4 hours for a whole hour and that you start weaning them at 6 months and are done by 12 months. He doesn't like our nursing on demand, especially the toddler 2-second-nip-nursing before running off to play. EBF acrobats drive him up the wall, too. Sooooo, I, of course, pointed out how we also eat 3 meals a day, but that we drink water/coffee/etc. and eat snacks between meals. And while watching TV in the evening, he snacks and snacks and snacks . . . same with his son. And the therapist said it's just not worth getting upset over our nursing. It's such a short time span compared to many other needs a child has in its life. A friend of mine has told me to just put my foot down on this one issue and I think I'm going to do just that should it come up again. And jewel1288 - awesome idea! I'll use that as well.