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Diapers and baby shower

post #1 of 41
Thread Starter 

Alright, I have a question for all of you mothers out there who have had baby showers before, or for those of you who have been to a lot of baby showers and can shed some light on this subject!

 

When my MIL made our baby shower invitations and sent them out a month or two ago, I hadn't decided yet what kind of diapers we were going to use for our baby and so I didn't think to add a note in the invites specifying what I know now - that we want to use natural, eco-friendly disposables and mostly cloth diapers. I have started a CD stash but I'd like to have some disposables on hand in the newborn stage while we're adjusting to parenthood and for other occasions when they might be needed.

 

As I've mentioned on other threads, my mom has been very critical of my desire to cloth diaper for a million reasons. I haven't talked to other family members of mine or DH's about our decision. The topic never arose, so they're in the dark. My mom has also mentioned to me that people might get us disposables at our baby shower. I didn't realize people do that. I'd hope they stick to our registry, however unrealistic of a wish that is...

 

My question then is this: Is it really that common that people will gift you disposables at baby showers?

 

I added a note to my BRU registry kindly requesting that diaper purchases be based solely on the brands listed on our registry and stated that we are using eco-friendly disposables and CDs. I don't know if anyone will even notice that message, though. I think it just shows up in small print at the top of a print-out. Oy. duh.gif And the Target website won't let me leave a message that's more than 25 characters long, so I can't even type a notice into that one for anyone to see.

 

Maybe I should just call up my mom and MIL and explain my concerns to both of them so they can pass the message along? Or is that too controlling of the situation? I just want to ensure our wishes are respected as much as possible.


Edited by birdhappy85 - 9/4/11 at 5:35pm
post #2 of 41

You know, it might be good to get a random variety of diapers.  Naturally based or not.  Each diaper fits a baby differently and it might be good to know what works best on your baby.  If they don't get used (totally possible) you can give them away easily enough.  My friends and I have passed around many different brands of diapers that didn't fit our own babies well.  What worked on my DD might massively leak on another baby.

 

I personally think that the Nature Babycare diapers are good (they're bio-degradable), but several of my friends hate them!  It's all about experimenting.  Good luck!

post #3 of 41

I'm probably going to be a debbie-downer, but perhaps other posters will have some different (better?) experiences to add.  

I was like you in that I thought people would respect the registry- or at least look at it, notice all the organic and natural stuff, and buy off-registry items accordingly. 

I was dead wrong.

In speaking with other people (young mamas as well as older ladies (the ones who have been gift-buying for years) it seems that people want to get something for the baby that is cute and fun.  Registry items are generally more practical, and people don't want to be the ones to buy you your nipple shields, if you know what I mean.  

We were OVERWHELMED with clothing (we didn't need any since we'd thrift-shopped and swapped with friends) and BLANKETS.  Oh my gosh, people love to buy blankets.  Big, fluffy blankets- not the useful ones like receiving blankets and swaddling blankets. Oh, and stuffed animals.  (seriously, the reasoning behind that one still evades me). 

 

Our strategy was to return as much as possible!  We made returns at Target and BRU and got lots of store credit that we used towards more practical purchases.  Do this ASAP after your shower.  Other things that we couldn't return went into a regift pile or a goodwill pile.  Just be sure to think about who you are regifting to- hopefully they weren't at your shower :)

 

Now, I don't think that people will get you disposable diapers- we only got disposables (7th generation) at our shower because it was a welcoming shower and a note was sent out that we'd love chlorine-free disposables for baby.  Still, only a few party attendants brought the disposables, even with a note.  (I have been to showers where people gift Dreft.  Ugh.)

 

I wouldn't worry too much about the disposables, seriously.  I wouldn't mention it to your mom or MIL.  There may be ONE person who might bring disposies, but I doubt it.  Even then you can just give them to a WIC office or something like that.  

 

As you're thinking about disposables and cloth (especially during that too-small-for-most-CD first few months) I'd recommend looking into a newborn rental package.  Both Modernclothdiapers.com and nellsnaturalbaby.com have newborn rentals.  It's approximately $100-150 (depending on which brand you choose, and nells has a gently used program that is cheaper) for 3 months use of CDs that are newborn sized.  There is a deposit required- around 100- but that will easily be returned to you if you don't ruin the diapers (i.e. use ointments that are not for CD use).  I am getting the Nellsnaturalbaby package.  It is a HUGE savings from buying disposies, since you go through SO many disposables those first few months.  Literally, we'd have to get around 2-3 packages of dipes a week.  So expensive!  

 

I did a ton of research when deciding what types of diapers to use, and wanted to point out that diapers that claim to be biodegradable truly are not. (greenwashing at it's finest, sigh.)  There are not conditions available (ie aerboic activity and enough heat to break them down) to truly biodegrade them.  You're not supposed to compost them either, so really the only difference between an eco-friendly disposable and a regular disposable is the chemicals and compounds present in the diaper.  We used 7th gen for the first month (and for some travel since then), so it's not like I'm saying "don't use disposables at all", just that the biodegradable claim is a false one.  I definitely think eco-friendly diapers are worth it over conventional disposables, but we chose cloth in the end (which it sounds like you are doing too.)

Here are two articles that touch on the biodegradability issue:

http://blog.bolandbol.com/product-reviews/green-diapers-review/

 

http://www.wired.com/science/discoveries/news/2004/04/63182

 

 

 



 

post #4 of 41

If you get diapers you don't want or won't use, take them to the local food bank. They give formula and diapers to needy parents.

post #5 of 41
Quote:
Originally Posted by IwannaBanRN View Post

If you get diapers you don't want or won't use, take them to the local food bank. They give formula and diapers to needy parents.



I think this is a great idea! Don't stress out about this. It's just not worth it in the grand scheme of things. We used cloth for the first two years of my ds's life and then switched to Eco-friendly disposables. Once when we were at a friend's house I was out of diapers and borrowed one, it was a main stream brand disposable and was the grossest thing have ever seen! It had the weird gel and was scented like yucky baby powder. .... So I don't blame you for not wanting these things around your baby. But like I said, don't stress, just donate them. Don't worry what your mom or ml will say, they won't be around you and your baby all the time anyway and they will have to get used to you making your own choices about your children sometime or another. Baby showers are supposed to be fun!
post #6 of 41

She's right..  Oh my, the baby blankets! Never, never, ever buy one for yourself!  :)
 

Quote:
Originally Posted by jbk21 View Post

I'm probably going to be a debbie-downer, but perhaps other posters will have some different (better?) experiences to add.  

I was like you in that I thought people would respect the registry- or at least look at it, notice all the organic and natural stuff, and buy off-registry items accordingly. 

I was dead wrong.

In speaking with other people (young mamas as well as older ladies (the ones who have been gift-buying for years) it seems that people want to get something for the baby that is cute and fun.  Registry items are generally more practical, and people don't want to be the ones to buy you your nipple shields, if you know what I mean.  

We were OVERWHELMED with clothing (we didn't need any since we'd thrift-shopped and swapped with friends) and BLANKETS.  Oh my gosh, people love to buy blankets.  Big, fluffy blankets- not the useful ones like receiving blankets and swaddling blankets. Oh, and stuffed animals.  (seriously, the reasoning behind that one still evades me). 

 

Our strategy was to return as much as possible!  We made returns at Target and BRU and got lots of store credit that we used towards more practical purchases.  Do this ASAP after your shower.  Other things that we couldn't return went into a regift pile or a goodwill pile.  Just be sure to think about who you are regifting to- hopefully they weren't at your shower :)

 

Now, I don't think that people will get you disposable diapers- we only got disposables (7th generation) at our shower because it was a welcoming shower and a note was sent out that we'd love chlorine-free disposables for baby.  Still, only a few party attendants brought the disposables, even with a note.  (I have been to showers where people gift Dreft.  Ugh.)

 

I wouldn't worry too much about the disposables, seriously.  I wouldn't mention it to your mom or MIL.  There may be ONE person who might bring disposies, but I doubt it.  Even then you can just give them to a WIC office or something like that.  

 

As you're thinking about disposables and cloth (especially during that too-small-for-most-CD first few months) I'd recommend looking into a newborn rental package.  Both Modernclothdiapers.com and nellsnaturalbaby.com have newborn rentals.  It's approximately $100-150 (depending on which brand you choose, and nells has a gently used program that is cheaper) for 3 months use of CDs that are newborn sized.  There is a deposit required- around 100- but that will easily be returned to you if you don't ruin the diapers (i.e. use ointments that are not for CD use).  I am getting the Nellsnaturalbaby package.  It is a HUGE savings from buying disposies, since you go through SO many disposables those first few months.  Literally, we'd have to get around 2-3 packages of dipes a week.  So expensive!  

 

I did a ton of research when deciding what types of diapers to use, and wanted to point out that diapers that claim to be biodegradable truly are not. (greenwashing at it's finest, sigh.)  There are not conditions available (ie aerboic activity and enough heat to break them down) to truly biodegrade them.  You're not supposed to compost them either, so really the only difference between an eco-friendly disposable and a regular disposable is the chemicals and compounds present in the diaper.  We used 7th gen for the first month (and for some travel since then), so it's not like I'm saying "don't use disposables at all", just that the biodegradable claim is a false one.  I definitely think eco-friendly diapers are worth it over conventional disposables, but we chose cloth in the end (which it sounds like you are doing too.)

Here are two articles that touch on the biodegradability issue:

http://blog.bolandbol.com/product-reviews/green-diapers-review/

 

http://www.wired.com/science/discoveries/news/2004/04/63182

 

 

 



 



 

post #7 of 41
I couldn't believe how almost nobody bought things off of our registry. We had a big shower, and were completely overwhelmed with dolls, clothes, and blankets like pp. We got a lot of diapers, and had to take the majority back because DD was sensitive to all but one type. DH's family even asked what diapers she was wearing months later, said they would buy us some (why? I don't know), and bought something completely different. She could only wear the one type, so we were stuck trying to find a place that would exchange the diapers. It was tough because they live hours away and the stores carry different size boxes. More than once, they bought the diapers meant for boys, where they absorb up front and are blue with sports themes. shrug.gif They won't be invited this time, but because they make it very difficult to be around them.

If you want a certain type of diaper, you could ask the host to have a raffle or game. Everyone that brings a box of Pampers, or say, a diaper cover, gets a ticket for a raffle. At my work shower, they raffled off a "baby making basket" filled with candles, champagne, chocolates, etc.
post #8 of 41


Totally right on.  Sometimes you just have to go with the flow- I know it's SO HARD to feel like people are wasting money on conventional stuff, and it is super stressful, but you'll realize you can't do anything about it and you'll figure out how to deal with it.  As for parents, they'll see that baby is fine and that you are making your own way as a parent.  They'll either learn to respect it or they'll realize that it hurts your relationship with them.... So don't worry :)

Quote:
Originally Posted by beautifulboy View Post




I think this is a great idea! Don't stress out about this. It's just not worth it in the grand scheme of things. We used cloth for the first two years of my ds's life and then switched to Eco-friendly disposables. Once when we were at a friend's house I was out of diapers and borrowed one, it was a main stream brand disposable and was the grossest thing have ever seen! It had the weird gel and was scented like yucky baby powder. .... So I don't blame you for not wanting these things around your baby. But like I said, don't stress, just donate them. Don't worry what your mom or ml will say, they won't be around you and your baby all the time anyway and they will have to get used to you making your own choices about your children sometime or another. Baby showers are supposed to be fun!


 

post #9 of 41

OP, I had the same concerns with my first baby and baby shower.  I registered for eco friendly disposables then (but later I began using CDs), but no one hardly even looked at my registry!  I got Huggies and Pampers.  The smell (chemical-ish smell, and the Pampers were scented) bothered me so much that I had to take them back to the store.  Fortunatly Walmart in my town lets you return something without a reciept. 

I am super controlling of situations and I am always having issues with deciding if saying something/intervening would be too much.  I usually end up saying something.  If you are able to return things without reciepts then I probably wouldnt say anything.  If not, then sure, call up your mom and MIL and just tell them what your plans are.  O well if they are critical, it is your baby and you are just doing your job of protecting him/her and doing what is BEST for your child.  Obviously they do not have the same knowledge as you do.  I do think that people should respect another persons decision, and if they were planning on getting Huggies, and dont care to buy the other ones that you want, they can just buy something else.....

post #10 of 41

I know it's really frustrating to have friends and family have their hearts in the right place and spend their hard earned money on stuff you don't need or don't want.  But it's going to happen, so you make the most of it with returns/exchanges and donating as pp's have said.  We donated disposables to our local birth center, planned parenthood, battered women's shelters, and a refugee organization. 

 

And I know how strongly you feel about cloth diapering... I also know that every tells you to have some disposables on hand "just in case."  Well, the only occasion I can think of where you might need to have some "just in case" diapers on hand is if you run out of cloth while you have a load in the wash.  It's pretty easy to prevent that from happening, though, and in a pinch you can always use a receiving blanket folded up inside a cover.  Otherwise, there really is no need for disposables until you are traveling and simply cannot wash your diapers for over a week.  Disposables are really not easier to use and don't work better than cloth so don't feel like you might need them in case cloth is too hard.  If you are dealing with an issue that is preventing you from being able to wash your diapers (or where washing your diapers should not be a priority) and have no one around to help you, that's a different matter.

post #11 of 41

Jaimee is right!  We could have totally done without disposables during travel- except when we know there is no washer/dryer.  On our cross-country move (6 days) we washed diapers in the hotel laundry rooms (twice).  It wasn't so bad.  (some people might be grossed out by the thought of using a public washer for diapers, but they rinse clean and I've never had poo bits on my clothing :))  So it can totally be done.  After having bought everything we need to CD our son for less than $500 I still get sticker shock when I see disposable diaper prices.  Whoa.
 

Quote:
Originally Posted by Jaimee View Post

I know it's really frustrating to have friends and family have their hearts in the right place and spend their hard earned money on stuff you don't need or don't want.  But it's going to happen, so you make the most of it with returns/exchanges and donating as pp's have said.  We donated disposables to our local birth center, planned parenthood, battered women's shelters, and a refugee organization. 

 

And I know how strongly you feel about cloth diapering... I also know that every tells you to have some disposables on hand "just in case."  Well, the only occasion I can think of where you might need to have some "just in case" diapers on hand is if you run out of cloth while you have a load in the wash.  It's pretty easy to prevent that from happening, though, and in a pinch you can always use a receiving blanket folded up inside a cover.  Otherwise, there really is no need for disposables until you are traveling and simply cannot wash your diapers for over a week.  Disposables are really not easier to use and don't work better than cloth so don't feel like you might need them in case cloth is too hard.  If you are dealing with an issue that is preventing you from being able to wash your diapers (or where washing your diapers should not be a priority) and have no one around to help you, that's a different matter.



 

post #12 of 41
Thread Starter 

Lots of good suggestions. Thanks! I hadn't even thought about donating diapers. That would be a great thing to do. I'd love to help other people out in that way! I think I was really worried about not even being able to exchange them and having no place for them to go since I don't know anyone else with babies at this time except for a friend who is using organic and wouldn't use them anyway. I feel a lot calmer about things and for sure will consider donating if need be!

 

I'm glad I didn't mention anything to my MIL about our position on diapers, eeeesh. We were at dinner with DH's parents tonight and I realized we hadn't even told them that we're having a home birth. His dad was all like, "Oh yeah? That's cool." Just really relaxed about it. But my MIL acted really awkward and was saying things like, "Wow, I'm kind of shocked," and was making things a tad uncomfortable. She wanted to know how we came to that decision, why I didn't want painkillers, the usual... But then even after I briefly explained our position on things, she was still making a big deal out of it for a few minutes longer shaking her head and looking confused and in shock. I was so surprised that she'd be like that! She didn't strike me as the type. I forget that midwifery and home births are so foreign to a lot of people still these days, though, because DH and I have talked openly about it to so many people for so long now. Oops! lol

 

So oddly enough, my mom doesn't seem concerned about the cloth diaper thing anymore. Unless she's just realizing it's a losing battle.... haha. She told me not to worry, she didn't think people in our family would get me diapers after all, maybe just friends or DH's family - who knows. And I'm just going to keep our diapering position out of discussions with DH's family unless it has to be brought up at the shower for some reason. I know I'll have to let his parents know about our diapering preferences after the baby is born if they ever watch her and need to diaper her, but for now ---- not discussing it! If my MIL was that shocked about a home birth, I'm pretty sure she'll go ape**** over cloth diapering, LOL.

 

Jaimee - You're building my confidence here with the cloth diapering. biggrinbounce.gif I need to keep reminding myself that if people can make it work around the clock no matter where they are, then I can too! I'm getting too addicted to browsing CD's..... I wish the baby was already here so I can start trying them out on her! I never thought I'd find diapering to be so fun. LOL innocent.gif

post #13 of 41
People are definitely coming around to cloth diapering again. We spent a FORTUNE on disposables for DD because she was sensitive, only could use the expensive diapers, and wanted to be changed immediately after wetting. I'd have done cloth if we had more than a crummy stacked washer at the time.

My mom teaches Red Cross Babysitting Certification, and she teaches all of the teenagers about the different types of cloth diapers and how they are used. My dad scoffed a little at the smell that was associated with soaking diapers. That is, until I told him how much we spent on diapers for DD, and also the advancements in cloth diapers. There are a lot more choices than the plastic pants and kind of crummy Gerber prefolds that they had when we were babies.
post #14 of 41

We got every diaper we DID NOT register for. We were very specific on which we were willing to use. If you have a standard, don't compromise! I returned them all to walmart. I got a gift card back and we bought groceries with it and exchanged the money we spend on groceries to buy the diapers or other things we needed elsewhere. No biggie! It's important that when you come to a decision,  you are not forced to comply because others can't respect your decisions! With a diaper, being in constant contact with a highly important area of your baby, and the conclusion you have come to about the diapers, I would say to make mention that you would prefer a certain type of diaper and why, maybe even print out some research (my DH and I have had to create a binder with all of the research supporting our decisions so we have a reference guide for questioning family members!) and then if they still go the other way, there is always the return department! I made those returns LONG before baby came....like the day after my shower! Good luck!

post #15 of 41
Thread Starter 

Are you actually able to return packs of diapers to Walmart without a receipt and without having known where the purchaser even got them at? I've never returned anything anywhere without a receipt before so I didn't know if some companies will actually allow that, especially if the items might not have been purchased there.

post #16 of 41

Yes, you can exchange them for store credit so long as it's a brand they carry. 

 

I agree with the others, just be prepared to return things..  Many people might bring you a gift receipt as well.
 

Quote:
Originally Posted by birdhappy85 View Post

Are you actually able to return packs of diapers to Walmart without a receipt and without having known where the purchaser even got them at? I've never returned anything anywhere without a receipt before so I didn't know if some companies will actually allow that, especially if the items might not have been purchased there.



 

post #17 of 41
Quote:
Originally Posted by birdhappy85 View Post
 If my MIL was that shocked about a home birth, I'm pretty sure she'll go ape**** over cloth diapering, LOL.

 

Jaimee - You're building my confidence here with the cloth diapering. biggrinbounce.gif I need to keep reminding myself that if people can make it work around the clock no matter where they are, then I can too! I'm getting too addicted to browsing CD's..... I wish the baby was already here so I can start trying them out on her! I never thought I'd find diapering to be so fun. LOL innocent.gif


A lot of times it is only b/c people are picturing the old school prefolds and pins with plastic pants and garbage cans full of bleach water to soak the dirties.  Many do not realize that cloth diapering has come so far and what all the options are now.  I would suggest showing anyone that will be regularly taking care of baby how to use the diapers and having easier to use types (like AIO's or at least pockets) on hand for them.  I might show them before baby comes so that you can just ask them to change baby without having to go through a tutorial when the baby is just born.  This is true of cloth wipes as well... show them how to put wipe solution on the wipe and that the wipe goes in the pail with the diaper, etc.  You'd be surprised... my dad had to change ds the other day when he was here and we were out of the house.  He didn't realize how to use the wipes so ended up using toilet paper.  lol.gif

 

I'm glad your confidence is growing!  It will all work out just fine.  And yes, CDing is fun... and addicting.

 

Quote:
Originally Posted by cameragirl View Post
 My dad scoffed a little at the smell that was associated with soaking diapers.

There is no need to soak... unless you want to soak your prefolds for some reason.  Premium diapers actually should not be soaked as it leads to more smell issues.  The dry method works just fine for all types of diapers and is much, much easier!
 

 

post #18 of 41


HAHA!  He didn't know how to use the wipe.... That cracks me up!  
 

I don't soak mine either- I use pocket diapers.  

 

Quote:
Originally Posted by Jaimee View Post




A lot of times it is only b/c people are picturing the old school prefolds and pins with plastic pants and garbage cans full of bleach water to soak the dirties.  Many do not realize that cloth diapering has come so far and what all the options are now.  I would suggest showing anyone that will be regularly taking care of baby how to use the diapers and having easier to use types (like AIO's or at least pockets) on hand for them.  I might show them before baby comes so that you can just ask them to change baby without having to go through a tutorial when the baby is just born.  This is true of cloth wipes as well... show them how to put wipe solution on the wipe and that the wipe goes in the pail with the diaper, etc.  You'd be surprised... my dad had to change ds the other day when he was here and we were out of the house.  He didn't realize how to use the wipes so ended up using toilet paper.  lol.gif

 

I'm glad your confidence is growing!  It will all work out just fine.  And yes, CDing is fun... and addicting.

 

There is no need to soak... unless you want to soak your prefolds for some reason.  Premium diapers actually should not be soaked as it leads to more smell issues.  The dry method works just fine for all types of diapers and is much, much easier!
 

 



 

post #19 of 41
Thread Starter 

Funny... when I told my husband I want to use cloth wipes, he asked me, "Why can't we just use toilet paper?" LOL

 

I've started just telling him, "This is how we're going to do things," and leaving it at that because he seems to always come up with alternative ideas of how things could work and it drives me nuts. I won't even get into our argument over my suggestion of using a diaper sprayer and his suggestion that we could just rinse out the diapers in the sink......... I was not having any of it. Sheepish.gif

post #20 of 41


LOL!  

 

We also don't have a diaper sprayer, and in talking with a friend who does have one it doesn't seem to be truly necessary.  BF poop goes straight in the washer, and once it's more solid it just plunks right out.  For the messier ones that are a little less solid we just roll the diaper up and put it in a pail for a couple of hours, and then we try again.  This is going to sound so gross but the diaper absorbs more of the moisture and it usually plunks out just like the solid ones.  If there is any residue in there it just washes away.  

 

 

Quote:
Originally Posted by birdhappy85 View Post

Funny... when I told my husband I want to use cloth wipes, he asked me, "Why can't we just use toilet paper?" LOL

 

I've started just telling him, "This is how we're going to do things," and leaving it at that because he seems to always come up with alternative ideas of how things could work and it drives me nuts. I won't even get into our argument over my suggestion of using a diaper sprayer and his suggestion that we could just rinse out the diapers in the sink......... I was not having any of it. Sheepish.gif



 

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