September 2011 Whatever Ladies Having Babies! - Page 13

[Baby_Cakes]

Originally Posted by MarineWife 

reading about the 4th trimester (the blog was mianly about how mothers need help that entire 3 month period and not just the first few days or weeks) got me thinking about a future career. i've wanted to get involved in helping with pregnancy, birth, new baby, breastfeeding somehow. there's no way i could be a midwife or a doula. i'm not open and affectionate enough for either of those. i couldn't be a LLL leader b/c i hate groups and, again, am not very open. pls, i'm not good at being empathetic and diplomatic. but, i could be a PP doula.

That sounds perfect for you!!  Absolutely perfect.  What a fantastic idea!

I think I want to be a lactation consultant.  I might try nursing school, or not.  I'm not sure, but I think I want to do something with bf'ing.

I've learned to ask for and more importantly, accept offers for help.  There's this huge desire to do things myself, but sometimes, it feels soooo good to get help.  I was food shopping the other day with Finn in the sling, and went to bag my items at the end of the self check out.  The employee up front asked, "Would you like some help?" and the old me would have said, "No, I've got it, thanks," but instead, I took a breath and said, "You know, I would love an extra hand, thanks!"  Another woman checking out came up behind me and offered to help too.  She said, "I've so been there, I'll help too!"  It was wonderful.  It was only a handful of items but I feel like they were really reaching out to me -- I probably looked exhausted though I felt like I looked fine, and the sleeping babe in my sling was enough to offer.  So sweet.

I also jump at every opportunity to bring Nora to grandmas for the afternoon.  Afternoons free with just Finn where I can nap and not have to entertain DD are so nice!!  

So - I have news.  DH is cool with getting a vasectomy!!  I'm still a little in shock -- I didn't think he would agree right off the bat!  I brought it up and was like, I just want you to think about it, if you'd be ok with it, that sort of thing and he was all, No - it's a good idea, I think we should.  I'm so happy!!  That means we are really on the same page!!

Nora's birthday is this coming Sunday.  OMG my girlie is going to be 3.  Where did the time go?  We ordered her gifts last night.  We got her a train table that is compatible with her Thomas trains, a few new engines, and a scooter.  OMG, a scooter.  She also wants roller skates, but I think we'll do those for christmas or something...

[MarineWife]

Happy early birthday to Nora!

It's so amazing how quickly they grow up. I'm always teasing my boys that I didn't give them permission to grow and get older.

Having Ethan read those bedtimes stories the other night really hit home for me how old he's getting. He's a little over 7 1/2 (would you say 7 3/4?), which is just about the age that I read over and over that most unschooled kids seem to get reading. It suddenly clicks for them and they start reading books whereas before they were only reading random words or short phrases. Well, that's Ethan. It's like all of a sudden reading has just clicked for him. Sometimes he's really quiet and I don't know where he is so I go looking for him. He's in his room reading graphic novels! He even reads books to Kellen sometimes. Anyway, not only am I amazed at how old he is but also at how this unschooling really works if I let it.

I'd love to do something with BFing but I don't think I'd be a good LC or LLL leader. I don't have that soft touch that so many people need. I know I can come off harsh and seemingly judgmental a lot, which I don't mean. I've come to a point where I accept that that is just how I am and I can't change it much. Believe it or not, I've actually softened a lot over the years.

I've been fantasizing lately about helping my boys and their wives when they have babies. (I guess this has come up since I know D is my last.) I imagine myself leaving Sean at home to work or whatever he'll be doing while I stay with my kids for 3 months to help. I hope my DILs will be able to stand me enough to let me do that for them. I think I can be inobtrusive if I need to be because I know what it's like to have a mother who is overbearing. I do worry what I'll do if they aren't AP, though. I'll have a very hard time with not interfering if they want to CIO. I can only hope that the influence I have on my boys will follow into who they choose for mates. Whoa, that's a bit weird, huh? Me talking about being a MIL and grandmother. Aack!

[Baby_Cakes]

Thanks for the bday wishes for Nora!  

That's awesome about the reading!  You've never taught him to read?  Did you just read to him?  What about like, sight words and such?  How does it work with no teaching, really?  With Nora she can recognize her letters, but I've never sat with her and taught her this is A and this is B.  We just spell words together and she remembers the letters.  She just started singing her ABCs on her own and it's so adorable!!  And she knows probably 80% of her letters by sight.  

I think raising boys to be good fathers and good supporters of bf'ing and natural parenting is the key.  It's all good and fine to have daughters and teach them bf'ing and whatnot, but if they don't have their partner's support, what good is it?  How many women do we hear of quitting bf'ing or never trying b/c her partner didn't like the idea? 

I started Weight Watchers online today!  I'm excited and terrified.  I have 30 lbs to lose -- it looks good and right now they're running a promo and waiving the registration fee.  Alysia I know you were thinking about doing it  -- now would be the time!  It's only $56 for 3 months of WW Online.

[AnnieA]

MW, I just need to tell you that you are my hero. I was home by myself almost the whole day yesterday with DD and when DH came home he had to do some stuff for work so he couldn't give me a break. I was at the end of my rope by about 11 pm. DD was super clingy last night and did not want to be put down even when she was asleep. I held her pretty much straight from 5 pm until she finally stayed asleep around 1:30 am. How do you do it day after day without another grownup around?

[MarineWife]

no. i never taught ethan to read. never drilled him on ABCs or made him memorize the ABC song. never did any kind of phonics with him. i have always and do still read books to him but not at least 15 minutes a day like is recommended. sometimes we will read several books a day for several days and sometimes we won't read any books for several days. i'm always reading other things to him, though, signs and directions for video games and labels for toys and games. he was reading street signs at 3.5 or so.

i have read time and again on unschooling groups that most kids who are exposed to the written word will naturally start reading books at around 7-8 years. it's the natural time in human development when they can put letter sounds together to make words. it just comes automatically. they don't need phonics training or anything. i think those types of teaching tools came about b/c schools expect kids to read independently before they are developmentally ready.

i agree that it's important to raise boys as nurturers who think it's normal to BF and hold babies and co-sleep and such. while i'm confident that ryan wouldn't be unsupportive of that stuff, i don't know that he would advocate for it, either. in other words, that wouldn't be a criteria he'd look for in a spouse.

haha, annie, when you've got no choice you just do what you have to do. i started out as a single parent of ryan so having a husband around is kind of like a bonus.

D had his 2 month check up today. everything was fine. i signed the no vax waiver. It said I acknowledge that I am doing something that may result in harm to my chil. Whatever. I was told they will offer vaxes at every visit so I'll have to decline them each time and initial the form. I'm thinking next time I may write my own sentence on the bottom that says I acknowledge that the medical establishment believes that not vaxing is harmful. The friggin' doctor retracted D's foreskin! I yelled at him when he did it and he let go fast. Luckily, D was born with a loose and open foreskin so the guy didn't tear anything and D didn't react at all but still. I am so upset and traumatized by it. He didn't even touch it the first time I took D there so I thought he understood not to ever do that and I didn't say anything. Now I know I have to tell him every time before he does anything not to retract his foreskin. Ugh! I can't express how horrible I feel about the whole thing. Traumatized is the only word that I can come up with that fits.

The doc also keeps "recommending" that I give D vitamin D drops because I BF. If I didn't BF, I guess he wouldn't recommend them. WTH? As if there is something wrong with breastmilk. It's starting to piss me off. I think I'll say something about that next time. If babies are getting rickets it's probably from lack of sun exposure because everyone wears sunscreen everywhere all the time. My breastmilk is perfect the way it is and I'm not going to supplement with anything unless there is a clear and specific problem with D.

[AnnieA]

Ugh, sorry about the retraction. That stinks.

Re: vitamin D. I think there is something to supplementing everyone with vitamin D, including BF babies and here's why. As a culture, we do not spend nearly as much time outside as we used to many years ago. It's my opinion that most people are deficient in vitamin D. I take vitamin D and I'll be starting DD on vitamin D this week. There was a recent study that vitamin D supplements worked better than the flu vaccine in protecting kids against the flu in the winter.

[Baby_Cakes]

Originally Posted by MarineWife 

. The friggin' doctor retracted D's foreskin! I yelled at him when he did it and he let go fast. Luckily, D was born with a loose and open foreskin so the guy didn't tear anything and D didn't react at all but still. I am so upset and traumatized by it. He didn't even touch it the first time I took D there so I thought he understood not to ever do that and I didn't say anything. Now I know I have to tell him every time before he does anything not to retract his foreskin. Ugh! I can't express how horrible I feel about the whole thing. Traumatized is the only word that I can come up with that fits..

OMG!!  Poor D!!  Poor you!!!  I know how it feels -- they are QUICK and they go right for their tiny penises.  It's madness!  Was it fully retracted or just partially?  Ugh, what a fucking asshole, that's all I can say.

I supplement myself with vitamin D.  I can't find a D supplement for babies that isn't in a mulitvitamin -- but I haven't looked very hard.  I too think that they'll get enough through bm.

[AnnieA]

Baby_Cakes, there is a liquid form for babies that is sold at Whole Foods. I think the brand is Carlson's Kids. You just put one drop on your nipple before he latches on.

[MarineWife]

well, i've BF 3 babies so far without anyone getting rickets or getting deathly ill from the flu. you have to have a serious deficiency to get rickets. i do take extra vitamin D myself in addition to my prenatal. i figure that's enough. and you only need about 15 minutes of sunlight exposure a day. that's really not hard to do if you don't apply sunscreen daily. i don't use sunscreen on anyone at all unless we are going to be at the pool or beach for more than 2 hours. I mean, really, if rickets was such a danger for BF babies, there would be many, many people with rickets. I've never known anyone with it.

The doc did acknowledge that it's more of an issue in darker skinned babies but then went on to say that they recommend it to everyone just because. That tells me that there isn't any real reason why D would need supplementation. To me it's just like the idea that women need "help" having babies. The underlying premise is that our bodies don't work properly to do the one thing they were engineered to do, give life. I refuse to succumb to all of that BS.

Carrie ~ He only partially retracted it and, like I said, it was already unattached so he didn't tear anything. It's just the fact that he did it without saying anything. What is wrong with people?! Anyone who reads up on an intact foreskin would read that only the person who's body it is should ever retract it even if it is fully unattached. No one else should be doing anything to it unless asked or given permission. Sheesh!

[AnnieA]

Well for me, I think it goes further than just the rickets issue. I think science is just starting to understand the large role that vitamin D plays in our overall health. I found the recent study about how vitamin D supplementation in pg women greatly reduces pre-e and preterm labor which I think has greatly increased over the years. I just think that our bodies have not evolved as fast as our culture to deal with not being in the sun as much as our predecessors. I know that given my desk job, there's no way I get 15 mins of sun every day. And Ava definitely isn't getting 15 mins of sun a day because it's been too hot to be outside. I don't see the need to do a full multi but we will do vitamin D.

[MarineWife]

I agree that we are learning the benefits of vitamin D more and more every day. I still don't think that we should start with the assumption that breastmilk is lacking, though. My breastmilk is the perfect food for my baby. Unless there's some reason to think my child is lacking in something and testing has been done to show that my breastmilk is deficient I think it's dangerous to assume it needs a boost. I think the implications of that go beyond me and my child.

BTW, I did mention D's shaking and gagging and such to the doc. He wasn't concerned with what I described at all. He said they've seen babies that shake uncontrollably as soon as they are put down and they are fine. So, no worries about seizures. Whew! And he suggested I cut out dairy to see if that would help with his gas. Ugh! I know there's just no way I could do that. He said to sub with soy but I have reasons that I avoid soy, so...I guess we're stuck with fussy gassy baby until he grows out of it or I decide it's getting worse and I really do need to cut out all dairy.

[MarineWife]

Annie ~ i said it on FB, but happy birthday!

carrie ~ how many points do you get? it takes bfing into account, right? There a couple of reasons I haven't done WW. First, I tried it twice in the past, once soon after I had Ethan and once after having Kellen. Even with the extra 10 points for BFing I was starving all the time. The other reason is because I don't eat a lot of homemade meals. I eat a lot of premade frozen foods. i'm sure i'd go over my points in just 1 or 2 meals. also, i found keeping track of points a pita. I know a lot of people who've done it, though, and it worked really well for them.

D has been taking longer naps during the day and my breasts are killing me! he went at least 3 1/2 hours this afternoon while i was grocery shopping. now he's been sleeping at home for at least 2 hours. my breasts are throbbing and leaking.

[AnnieA]

Thanks MW!

Just started researching the RSV shot that DD will start next month. I didn't realize that it isn't a vaccine but is instead medicine? Hmmm, I need to read about this some more.

[Baby_Cakes]

I actually really like the points system, its making me see what I'm eating with new eyes.  

I have 28 lbs to lose.  I get 43 daily points and 49 "whenever" weekly points.  I don't think you only get 10 points for bf'ing.  It does take into accout bf'ing, definitely.

They encourage you to really use all your points, and to eat if you feel hungry.  Fruits and veggies are 0 points, so it's awesome to just make a huge salad and only count the dressing.  It seems like more than enough points for the day, honestly, if you make smart choices.  Today since it was my first day I tried to eat normally -- but soon realized it wasn't worth 5 points for one Odwalla bar, or 5 points for 16 Sun Chips.  I wish I had saved those points and had another Boca burger or something more substantial.  I'm learning quickly what's worth it and what isn't.  

I cook a lot, so this is really cool for me.  I just plug my recipe into the recipe builder and tell it how many portions and it tells me how many points it is.  That's awesome, b/c since we do cook a lot of our meals from scratch, its not affecting Chris or Nora what we eat for dinner.  I can make the same meals as always, and I just eat a bit less if i have to, or if it's worth the points, eat more.  

Plus there's an app so I put it on my phone.  Once I get the hang of calculating points, I think it'll be a lot easier.  Right now I have to put everything into the computer to know how many points it is.  But there will soon be a day where before I eat something I know how many points it is and that'll be sweet.

Plus -- there's even a cocktail cheat sheet so I dont have to give up alcohol, just budget it into my points.  

I'm really liking this.  There's tons of vegan recipes and even a vegan forum on the website.

O/T - I'm 100% sure that Finn's reflux, the bad pukey days, are from dairy.  Both of the times he had really awful days with puking (every feed, all over, screaming/burning) were days I cheated and had cows milk in my coffee.  So, that's that.  Not worth it.  The Zantac is really helping with the day to day, he spits up just normal amounts now that are totally deal-with able and he's sleeping in 3 hour stretches at night and during the day.  So.  That's that!  I'm swearing off dairy for real for sho.

[MarineWife]

RSV is for the rotavirus, right? I don't know all the acronyms anymore. We got rotavirus when we lived in Hawaii. It was certainly not fun but I lost 5 lbs. in 1 week! i'm going to check that out, too.

Carrie ~ I meant 10 points extra per day. That was a few years ago so they may do it slightly differently now. They change things around every so often and call it new but it's really the same thing just presented slightly differently. I learned that between having Ethan and Kellen. i did like the recipe builder thing when i tried it after K. keeping track of things on the PC was a lot easier than having to do it in a little notepad.

[AnnieA]

No, RSV is a respiratory illness. A lot of otherwise healthy babies that get it end up hospitalized and it's worse in heart babies. Only babies that are on the risk group can get the shot. We did the rotavirus vax last week. It's an oral vax.

[MarineWife]

Yeah, I just read a little bit on it. It's a monthly shot that contains antibodies made from the combo of mouse antibodies and human antibodies. From what I read just about everyone will get it at some point in their lives and about 50% of new babies get it every year. Can't remember the percentage of those babies that end up hospitalized. The stuff I read said that it's most dangerous in the elderly, though, rather than infants, and in others who are otherwise immuno-compromised.

D is now asleep upstairs in the bed. I am downstairs with the monitor on. It feels weird to have him so far away. Even with the monitor on I still run upstairs every so often to check on him. I got this monitor used at the consignment store. It seems really staticy. Is that normal?

Oh, while I'm at it, do any of you use wipes warmers for cloth wipes or sposie wipes? If so, how hot does yours get? I got one used from the consignment shop that I use for my cloth wipes. When it gets low on wipes they get really hot, like almost burning. I have to let them cool off quite a bit before I feel comfortable using them on D. Again, is that normal?

[onetwoten]

Re: Vitamin D. I agree that it's dangerous to look at breastmilk as deficient-- but I think the key is looking at the picture of mom and baby-- they're not just saying that breastmilk is deficient-- they're saying that WE as breastfeeding women as deficient too (as is most of the population). I think if we were getting enough of it in our lives, there probably wouldn't be as much of a discrepancy in the content of the breastmilk compared to what the baby needs, does that make sense? I think our plan is for me to take a supplement, which I have no problem doing, especially as lack of vitD has recently been linked to depression, which, postpartum especially, I don't need any more risk factors for. I feel like the additional vitamin that will be coming through in the breastmilk will be enough for me to feel comfortable. If I weren't taking a supplement though, I probably would look for a drop like Annie said, that we could put on the breast prior to a feed. 

MW-- that sounds horrible about the Dr's. Any chance you could make a new "diaper stays on" rule? I've heard of some moms doing that. I guess it depends on the practice you're at. 

Carrie-- good news about pinpointing even part of the problem! Every little bit helps, right? 

[AnnieA]

I use a wipes warmer for disposable wipes and they don't get that hot. They are cool within a few seconds of taking it out.

One of my favorite shower gifts was a video monitor. I have started using it more since DD is sleeping longer and also sleeping in her crib. I love that I can see if she is actually awake when she makes noise. A lot of times she's still asleep. I do notice static if the battery is low. Maybe that's it?

The points system sounds good but I think I need to wait until I go back to work before I start that. I still don't have consistent times that I can eat so when I get the chance I just need to eat fast. No time to think about points right now.

[akind1]

Hey! I've been keeping up, but only on my phone, which I don't like to post on.

WW seems to work really well for breastfeeding women. I hope it works well for you, Carrie.

I thought about mentioning it on FB, but forgot - but I know lots of babies with dairy issues also have issues with soy (hope that isn't the case for Finn, as I know you do quite a bit of soy, being vegetarian/vegan) glad between cutting out dairy and adding Zantac that Finn is a happier baby!

Annie: we just got a video monitor and I LOVE it! it really is more for for DS than the new baby, but man it is awesome! I don't need or use the sound bit, mostly I need to be able to see DS. We watched FIL put DS to sleep the other night and that was funny - I just kind of like to see how other people do things - and when he fell out of bed later, it was easy to check and make sure he was ok (he went back to sleep on the floor, silly boy) without having to run upstairs.

re: all the meds/vaccines - it's such a tough choice. We have friends whose LO got rotovirus (the whole family did, really) and it was scary for a bit, as the little girl didn't have really an extra weight to begin with. but they got through it. That's my main thing with DS and vaxes - for the most part, should he get a so-called VPD, they generally are very treatable - and rarely life threatening. In Ava's case though, I understand her added risk - you have to weigh everything even more carefully. RSV isn't much fun either, we usually have several friends' kids who end up with it each winter.

Vit D: Like MW I make sure to get us out in the sun as much as possible. We rarely do sunscreen, and as fair as DS is, he's never burnt (knock on wood) - so I think he really does get adequeate amounts of it. It's one of those things that if you get a good supplement - we've found straight Vit D drops at Vitamin World -  I think there is certainly no harm in it, and some potential benefits. I think it's offered to BF babies because it's already added into the forumla for FF babes - in other words, they are already being supplemented.

Wipe Warmers: we don't and never have used one. DS has never seemed bothered overmuch by a cool wipe (in the summer I bet it feels sort of refreshing) - the biggest complaint I"ve heard about them is that they can dry out 'sposie wipes.

AFU: I'm obviously still pregnant. I was getting some regular contractions last night - about 10 minutes apart - but they petered out. I feel like the time is getting closer . . . I just wish I knew really when she's arrive. Carrie, I've been keeping an eye on the dark purple line, and it's there, and I think getting a bit longer - so maybe I'm making some progress? who knows!  Took DS to the zoo yesterday with a friend, and he had a blast. He's being such a cuddlebug with me the last few days, I am sure he senses something - he's been trying to look at my belly more often and touching it more.

Only other encouraging sign is increased mucousy discharge - not exactly a plug, but it's something!