What do you do when another mother keeps popping around?

[LizzieMum]

I wasn't sure where to put this one, so I thought I'd put it in here.

There's a woman I know at work who is trying awfully hard to be my best friend!  The problem is, is she's one of those people who makes me feel extremely nervous and edgy when I'm around her, and she just plain saps my energy.

The problem is, she keeps inviting me places, keeps popping over to my house etc.  I've tried giving her the brush off but so far it hasn't worked.  It's got to a point where I'm going to have to say something, but if I do, there's a risk I'll be too direct, or offend her greatly, and I don't want to do that either because we work together.  She doesn't have a lot of other friends either, so I almost feel sorry for her at the same time.  

Ohh, I don't know what to do  :-(

[crunchy_mommy]

Could you just tell her that you are more of a homebody & need a lot of alone time with your family?

[Boot]

We have a new neighbour who is like that. I also feel sorry for her but at the same time, she is a taker and just wants to piggyback on everything I'm doing but doesn't generate anything for herself. Luckily, I don't work with her. I've found that I have to be extremely clear with boundaries. If she wants to meet up on a certain day I'll say 'sorry, we have plans' but not say what. If she comes round unannounced I'll chat for a little bit and let the kids play but then I'll start telling the kids 'OK, 5 more minutes then we're going to the store'. In your position, I would do stuff occasionally but find excuses the rest of the time. If you do meet up, be very clear that you have to leave at a certain time for an appointment or whatever.  Also, I have to be extremely careful not to talk about any personal stuff around her which is hard for me as I'm a chatterbox but it feels like she kind of feeds off that kind of stuff. The other thing is, her kid is rather draining too and also needs a lot of boundaries which his mum doesn't give him. I don't hesitate to correct him if he's at my house or doing something that affects my kids or me (throwing his boots at my son, yelling at my baby, pushing me to get my attention) while his mother just stands by. Unfortunately, I have the feeling that the more I use firm, gentle boundaries with both mum and kid, the more they are interested in being our friends! Still, she does seem to understand now that she can't just assume that I am always available to her which is kind of how it was in the beginning. Good luck! 

[meemee]

i know u r at the end of your rope.

but keep on refusing with reasons why and one day she WILL get the message. since they are so needy they can be particularly tenacious.

[mattemma04]

I would just keep turning invites down.No need to give a reason*Thanks,but I'm not interested* is all that is needed.When she shows up at your place never let her in.Just tell her it is not a good time.