DH and I have agreed our marriage is over, well we pretty much agreed this a year ago but he refuses to move out. I've been asking him to move out for the last year. He says he is only in it for financial reasons, he is verbally/emotionally abusive, very critical, calls me and the kids names, etc. It is horrible living with him. He is also very controlling, and he says he will decide when it's over, he will decide when he moves out and he has made some threats around the financials etc. when we do separate. We've lived in separate bedrooms for 2 years and I consider us separted.
He says he is not emotionally ready to look after his own home, shovel his own snow, look after himself etc. (he lived at home until he was 30, when we met, and then with me). He says he wants to wait another year or two. He also wants to drag it out as long as possible as he thinks it will increase the amount of spousal support I will have to pay him (I make more than him).
He has never been physically violent, but he has a temper and there are times where I've been scared of him. I tried again to push the separation recently and he left me a threatening message at my office. The police were involved, and it is on file. But b/c there is no history of violence and there wasn't a direct specific threat of harm (more "I will make your life miserable, you don't know what I'm capable of...") they couldn't do anything. But they did say one of us (he or I) have to leave the home as soon as possible. It also made me realize that there is no way we can work through the separation under the same roof, which was what I had hoped.
He has said in the past that he sometimes gets so mad at people he actually wants to kill them. At counseling, they always told him that his anger at me was out of proportion to the "offense" (me not emptying the laundry fast enough etc.). In 10 years he has never raised a hand to me, yet I would not be surprised if he lashed out in anger if he got mad enough. He does not seem to have the capacity to care about another human being, others are like "things" that serve his purpose or don't. He cares a LOT about money and has said he will even become permanently disabled if that is what it takes to get lifetime support from me. He has faked disabilities in the past to get time off work and his dad has done the same, and has a doctor and lawyer who will apparently "lie" for him.
So bottom line, I'm scared of him, but there is not enough there to get a restraining order, peace bond or anything legal to force him to move out. I also know that would just make him madder. And I'm not 100% sure if the danger is real or not, but my instincts are on full alert to beware. He will not move out. I cannot live with him for another year (and I'm sure he'll have another excuse then). I want to keep the kids in their home and at their same school, and my lawyer agreed that this is a priority. We will lose tens-of-thousands of dollars if we sell versus me buying him out, and he knows this - that he will be better off financially if I buy him out versus selling, but I can't get him out!
I've talked to the bank and he can have his half within 24-hours, but he's refusing to go. He says he's not emotionally or physically ready to care for himself, his own home, shovel his own snow, clean his own house, mow his own lawn, etc. I feel like I cannot live like this for one more day. He belittles me and the kids constantly, daily.
Anyone have any creative ways to get him to leave ASAP!!!??
ARG!!
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