vent - 12 yr old is driving me insane. - Page 2

[Linda on the move]

I do a lot of yoga. Like -- a lot. My mat is wearing out.

[QueenOfTheMeadow]

Originally Posted by karne 

Yes!  We frequently have "conversations" like this.  I find myself in disbelief at a certain point in the discussion that I am even HAVING a discussion about some disagreement or other, because it's essentially meaningless. I have to stop myself because I feel like my head is spinning. 

ETA: one of the funniest/hardest pieces is that I will still be in "recovery mode" from these conversations, and processing how I/we might have done thin gs differently, and dd has completely moved on, pleasant, ready for the next topic.  I know, intellectually, that this is part of adolescence, but living it is another thing altogether.

*snort* Yes!! I told ds one time that he just needed to let me have a moment to myself after one of these 10 minute "discusions" about the fact that, yes, the grass is gettting to long. It was up to my shins. sigh. I finally gave up and thought, what am I two? I'm arguing with a 12 year old about something that is so completely useless. I mow the lawn anyway, so it's not like his opinion really made any difference. Why didn't I just say OK, and walk away? :

[neonalee]

Genifer, if I figure it out I will let you know. I've never known anyone to take offense faster than my dsd. And its always "you're mean!". The best I've discovered is selective listening. If I pretend I didn't hear it that is usually best. Especially since most of it is muttered under her breath. If she pushes the issue it at least gives me a moment to collect myself and not go off on her. But my head still wants to explode.

sent from my phone using tapatalk, please excuse typos.

[purplerose]

Oh these stories are so nice to read!! I have a 16 and 14 year old teenagers. The oldest wasn't like this, but the younger one is, so much. I think what must happen is they tend to have all the possible directions a conversation can go, and it gets all jumbled up so that when the conversation is over they have a hard time separating fact from imagined? It's like when I was a teenager, my mom once said, "Stop trying to plan your next response and just LISTEN!!" That one comment has stuck with me the rest of my life. We'll have some very short conversation, no decisions made, and later dh will tell me that she came and told him all these plans we had made. "Mama said...." when it NEVER HAPPENED. She's not lying, you can tell they believe what they are saying! It can be so confusing! And if both parents aren't aware that this happens I can see how it can cause problems LOL Dh always comes to me to get the facts straight. And the arguing, unbelievable. The oldest also didn't argue so much, but the 14 year old AND our almost-9 year old do, constantly. Mostly, any attitude problems from the oldest comes from hormone swings so it's not something we were used to with the younger two. It's been so revealing reading all your stories so I know it's not just mine :) You want to hear something nice? My oldest once admitted (in front of company, no less!) that she realized she sometimes overreacts. How cool is that?! They WILL get it one day and it won't always be this way LOL

[greenmama]

In response to the sun setting disussion:  I would probably respond with "Do you really want to debate me on this topic? because I would love to hear a well thought out, well articulated argument refuting my statement."  my daughter would probably say no she didn't, but I would hate to miss an opportunity to improve their logic and rhetoric skills.

[Imakcerka]

NO! I don't want this! Someone has to have a good teenager story? PLEASE!

[purslaine]

Originally Posted by Imakcerka 

NO! I don't want this! Someone has to have a good teenager story? PLEASE!

OP here.

My 15 year old is easy, quirky, fun and makes good choice.  He regularly holds quite adult discussions on matters relating to culture and politics.  It is very cool.  He is also game for most movies, gaming and outdoor exploits (hiking, anyone?)

My 12 yr old is often moody and belligerent....but she also makes good choices, is very much her own person, and is someone many people (including me!) admire.   I admire her vegetarianism and her ability to see who is a true friend and who is not.

I don't think this age is anything to fear (although I do think the cultivation of patience  is a great tool for this age).

Kathy

[Linda on the move]

Originally Posted by Imakcerka 

NO! I don't want this! Someone has to have a good teenager story? PLEASE!

My 14 year old was responsible for watering and taking care of her school's green house all summer. She did a great job. Usually one of the teachers does it, but she offered and they knew they could trust her.

My 13 year old applied to be a Jr. Docent at the zoo this summer, and didn't get in because it was so competitive and she was so young. She was disappointed, but bounced back and did some other volunteer work, and is motivated to do lots of things this school year to improve her application when she re-applies next year. I love it that my kid has a "fall back" for community service.

Although my kids drive me bonkers sometimes, they are GREAT kids, and real movers and shakers for their ages.

[karne]

Originally Posted by Imakcerka 

NO! I don't want this! Someone has to have a good teenager story? PLEASE!

Normal, developmental struggles do not mean "bad" kids--I'm sure you know this, but I felt compelled to say it anyway!

Every crazy conversation, or boundary pushing moment, is really a step towards the growth that the kids are doing at this age.  It doesn't always look (or feel) pretty, but much of it stems from cognitively and emotionally where they're at.

My dd is pretty amazing.

[purplerose]

Remember these are all just stories, not our 24/7 lives :) My 14 year old I was describing earlier, volunteers 3 days a week and has the biggest heart. My kids all make me so proud, they are brave and smart and compassionate. And very decent children! Even the best, most composed people you know had a childhood ;o)

[whatsnextmom]

Originally Posted by Imakcerka 

NO! I don't want this! Someone has to have a good teenager story? PLEASE!

Lol, of course we do but this was a vent post to blow off steam not a brag thread. Posting to someone having issues that your child is wonderful is just annoying lol. Yes, My DD 14 is a great kid. She's high achieving. Very responsible and dedicated to her school work as well as her part-time job. She has a long list of parents begging to hire her as a babysitter. She's talented but humble. She's welcoming and has a talent for putting others at ease. She's great with her brother 95 percent of the time. She's clever and witty and easy to laughter. She gives her whole heart to her friends. Everything she does outside the house gets 100 percent. I hear nothing but how wonderful she is from teachers, staff, other parents.

She just wasn't much fun for me between the ages of 13.5 and 14.25. All kids go through their crap whether it's at 12 or doesn't happen until they leave for college. Never met a sole that didn't. It hurts like a bugger when you go through it but you console yourself with those that have been there. You hug your own mother tighter as she laughs at how YOU were the same way. You just bundle up and wait out the storm.

[Imakcerka]

Oh I realize they are just stories, I just wanted to hear that these kids also do some great things. My kids, can drive me batty and I remember my sister and I being rather interesting little snots. I just don't want double pay back!

[Linda on the move]

Originally Posted by Imakcerka 

I remember my sister and I being rather interesting little snots. I just don't want double pay back!

My kids are not as bad as either my DH or I were as teens. DH and I were both complete hellions,  and we are very grateful for recessive genes.

[Imakcerka]

Oh good, DH was a little thug, pretty funny now when I think about it. I didn't know him then but if any of his old friends met him now they would think they were talking to Ghandi. I was just sneaky! And mouthy. My sister was a monthly runaway... she always went to a funner house, can't blame her. My brother... he's still a hellion at 33!

[genifer]

Lol, My girls are amazing, really. They have these moments, however that simply leave me like this:

They are quite creative, very funny and so unique. It is just this age that keeps me on my toes.

[onlyzombiecat]

Originally Posted by Imakcerka 

NO! I don't want this! Someone has to have a good teenager story? PLEASE!

Dd (11) is moody right now. That means that she is ecstatically happy alternating with everything being the worst. Everything right now just has exclamation points.

It is an exciting and trying time period for all of us.

She is almost as tall as me but is still a kid.

[mamadodson]

Hugs mama!  I agree it isn't just girls.  My 12 year old DS drives me insane more days then not.  I swear if the sky was blue and I said wow look at the blue sky he would say its not blue.   Every little thing I say he argues with.  He will still be my mama's boy from time to time, but mostly he is full of attitude.  I to am hoping it is a phase that ends real quick!

[QueenOfTheMeadow]

Originally Posted by Imakcerka 

NO! I don't want this! Someone has to have a good teenager story? PLEASE!

OK, as hard as it can be, there are times when I see a shimmer of light at the end of the tunnel. Yesterday, I took ds1 out for a decaf coffee so we would just have some mom/son time. We actually had a really nice talk about how he didn't make the soccer team. He said, "I was disappointed when I saw the list, but then I thought, 'I'm going to Disney World in a few days! I've got my viola to play after school. I've got my mom to take me out to coffee! How many kids have that?! And I felt better'." I had to turn my head really quickly so he wouldn't see that I got teary eyed.

Of course, as soon as we got home, he started complain that I asked him to empty the dishwasher, but there was a good 20 minutes there where he was a really nice person to be around!

[greenmama]

I think I would prefer it if my almost 12yo dd were always difficult.  But she is really sweet when I am spending money doing special for/with her.  A meal/treat out, or shopping for things she wants/needs always makes her pleasant, but it actually makes me feel worse because I feel I am buying pleasant behavior.

[mar123]

I discovered this pre-teen/early teen behavior many years ago; it is why I no longer teach middle school. There is a special gift awaiting those teachers. I am back with my high school kids and love it.

My kids are (girl)11 (this Sunday), (girl)13, and (boy)15. 90% of the time, they are wonderful to be with. We talk, do things, dance around, and have a great time together. Then there is the other 10%. Sigh. Two girls with mood swings is more than I can bear after a day of dealing with teenagers, LOL. But I also find that the 10% is usually caused by something else. I also know that it is natural to an extent. They have to break away from us, find their own way, etc.I remember those days well.