Chrissy, you are not alone. One of the ways I tried to "deal" with PPD was by drinking too much. It's a vicious cycle because over-drinking feels very good temporarily but results in feeling worse the next day and beyond b/c you aren't treating your body right. So then you feel crummy and want to feel good for a little while and so you drink again.
The worst thing for me is that I noticed that 1-2 drinks would no longer make me feel as good so I started having 3 most every night and more some weekends. Then I'd think "oh my gosh, that's too much" and vow to stop, but it'd only last for a couple days. Of course, I was doing this when I was refusing to take antidepressants because of what they would do to my body. Ha! Finally I realized the utter irony of self-medicating with alcohol, which only made matters worse, while eschewing antidepressants.
It's to the point now that when I have one drink I can't "shut down" the urge to have more. So I pretty much have to have none instead of "just one" - at least for now. Maybe if I can do it for long enough I can "unaddict" myself somewhat.
A few days ago I gave alcohol up for two weeks in conjunction with reading the "Get With the Program" fitness book. I did it for 2 weeks because I have 2 major social events coming up and I know it will be so hard to see everyone else drinking. Who knows, maybe I'll decide not to drink. But I recognize that I don't want to set myself up for failure and end up with an "oh well, can't do it so I guess I'll go back to my old ways" mentality. So I'm giving myself to choose whether to drink on those 2 occasions but after that I'll probably go back to none.
My husband also likes to drink so it's really hard to see him do it and not partake. I have stopped buying alcohol most of the time or I'll buy something he likes but I don't. He drinks more than I would like him to, but he doesn't have an addictive personality so I don't worry as much about him. I do, so I know I have to watch out. If you can limit your access then do so. And if you're drinking when you go out to eat, pay close attention to the ridiculous amount they charge for drinks and think "now is it worth $20+ for us to have a couple drinks apiece?"
Everyone always suggests lots of things you can do to help with depression, but when you're in the midst of it, it can be so hard to get up and do anything. If that's happening to you, it could be that you need to up your meds a little bit or have extra therapy sessions or something till you're able to find a little more motivation. Or pick ONE thing that you'll do right now to help you feel better, and when your ready you can consider adding to that. Like instead of saying "I need to exercise 5 times a week" you can choose to go to the gym one time and decide if you like it. Or rent a special movie just for yourself. Whatever. Just one little thing for yourself, and see how it goes from there.
Remember, as I saw Oprah explain once, addiction is addiction whether you're addicted to alcohol, shopping, gambling, food, sugar, or whatever. You're no worse or better than anyone else struggling to control something they're too fond of. Most everyone has some weakness. You are not a horrible person, and you are less alone than you might think.
Good luck.
Carol
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