DS3, 4yo, got up first with me. Everything was fine. We came downstairs and had breakfast. DS2, 7yo, and DS4, 6 weeks, got up a little later. they came downstairs so we were all together. things were fine for maybe a half hour. then ds2 saw that ds3 had ds2's, broken fishing pole that he hasn't paid attention to since he was probably 4, himself, and demanded that ds3 give it to him. not once did he ask nicely for it. just demanded and then starting yelling at and threatening ds3 when it wasn't handed over. this really irked me, not only b/c it's just unpleasant behavior, but also b/c i know the only reason ds2 wanted the thing was b/c ds2 had it. he just didn't want his little bro to have it. after trying to talk to ds2 about asking nicely for things (ds3 almost always gives things to whomever asks nicely) and sharing (ds2 used to share almost everything when he was younger without any suggestion from me) i finally got fed up and told him that if he was going to act that way i would decide it wasn't his anymore and that it would be ds3's. so that was sort of settled although no one was happy.
a few minutes later, ds2 is trying to play Jenga with ds3. I don't know exactly what happened but there's ds2 yelling at ds3 again. DS2 had decided he wasn't going to play anymore and was putting the pieces away while ds3 was still trying to play with them. DS2 said something about ds3 crying if he didn't win so ds2 didn't want to play with him anymore. Fine, then don't play, but don't immediately start yelling and taking the toy away. I have to intervene and referee this now, too.
Then, again just a few minutes later, they are playing on the couch and next thing I know ds3 is whining b/c ds2 won't let him see something. DS2 was purposely hiding it from ds3 and then getting mad when ds3 would lean over his shoulder to try to see. It wasn't anything important or anything that ds2 was particularly interested in. Again, he just wanted to keep his little bro from seeing it, too. Then ds3 is kicking ds2 in the face with hard sneakers on. I tell him to stop kicking and he goes to punching so I have to separate them.
This sort of thing goes on all day and I can't stand it. DS2 acts downright, purposefully mean and then ds3 retaliates. Not only does it hurt me to see ds3 hurt but I don't understand why ds2 is acting this way. He used to be so tender and sweet and giving. And, I don't like spending my time constantly telling them to stop fighting, fussing, yelling whatever.
I know ds3 can be bothersome. He's very high energy and gets out of control, doesn't realize what he's doing sometimes and won't stop when he's asked. And before anyone suggests that it's a reaction to the new baby, it started long before new baby was born. I just can't stand it anymore because it's been going on so long and I have to do so much for the new baby now that I can't play referee as much. I feel like I've lost all control. I'm at my wit's end and all I can do is send them to their rooms, which isn't making any difference b/c they go right back to it as soon as they are together again.
I'm so frustrated and angry and don't know what to do.