I can't take my boys' behavior anymore! - Page 2

[childsplay]

I haven't read all the replies but IMO, your 7 y/o sounds bored. When my 7's and 8 y/o start teasing, bickering, fighting and picking at the younger kids and each other I've learned (after a LONG haul) that the key is age appropriate structure. 7 is a funny age, they're not really little kids anymore, but they're not quite big kids either. With mine, privacy, personal space, and alone time is quite important, they will spend time in their rooms reading, building, drawing, or listening to music. They'll also spend time running around outdoors (we have no neighborhood kids around though) swimming together, biking, and so on. It's the in between times that really stink though, like around suppertime, they're done playing, they're kind of hungry, the daycare kids are ready to go home, I'm frazzled, and they just get at each other, teasing, fighting, screaming, until I'm ready to throw them all outside. ( and this is where TV becomes my saviour : )

Does your 7 y/o have a homeschool schedule? And a place he can go learn on his own without the 4 y/o anywhere near?

Could you dictate some of the interactions between them - ie, not so much 'free' play? Like ask 7 y/o to play a game with 4 y/o, or help him on his bike, or teach him to build neat things out of lego, etc. Cap it at so many minutes then have them do some things on their own for a while?

Are there any adult (safe) jobs he could do around your house and earn money for? Like raking or sweeping the porch/driveway?

I hope I didn't sound harsh, sorry if I did : )

[MarineWife]

Originally Posted by limabean 

I've never encountered little kids walking around with clubs looking to harm someone, so I definitely don't think that's just typical school-kid behavior. I'd be having a very alarmed talk with their parents if I saw that in my neighborhood. But if they're the same parents letting them play WWE unsupervised on the trampoline I guess you might not have much luck -- that's a tough situation!

Yeah, that was kind of scary. I did call my one neighbor and told him he may want to check on what his son was doing b/c of what I saw and heard. But, yeah, they are the ones who don't supervise their child at all when he's on the trampoline with his friends so...And we had a bit of an issue a few weeks ago when I told my 7yo he couldn't play with the boy anymore b/c I was tired of that boy's behavior and my ds always coming home upset and crying. He told the boy I said he couldn't play with him and the boy told his mother and she called me. When I told her that her son and another kid were being mean to mine she would not accept that her son was involved.

Originally Posted by funkymamajoy 

It really sounds like they need some one on one time with mommy and away from each other.

I agree that one-on-one time with me would help but that's really hard to come by right now. I'm doing my best but there's no way to really have any time with either boy without the baby, at least. I did get some time with my 4yo today while my 7yo was at his first chorus class. That was nice.

Originally Posted by Tjej 

How do you encourage them to work it out with one another?  Do you point out the negative behaviors and offer positive alternatives?

I do point out the negative and suggest/express positive alternatives. I do that when they speak to me, too. Like if one of them says, "Get me a drink." I'll say, "Will you get me a drink, pleas?" They almost always repeat what I've said right away without any problem and then I do what they've asked. I do the same thing when they are speaking to each other.

That's why I'm at my wit's end. I've been doing that for quite a while now and it doesn't seem anything has changed.

Originally Posted by childsplay 

Does your 7 y/o have a homeschool schedule? And a place he can go learn on his own without the 4 y/o anywhere near?

Could you dictate some of the interactions between them - ie, not so much 'free' play? Like ask 7 y/o to play a game with 4 y/o, or help him on his bike, or teach him to build neat things out of lego, etc. Cap it at so many minutes then have them do some things on their own for a while?

Are there any adult (safe) jobs he could do around your house and earn money for? Like raking or sweeping the porch/driveway?

I hope I didn't sound harsh, sorry if I did : )

We don't have a schedule but we have a routine so both boys know what to expect throughout the day. I always tell them a day before whenever we have something different to do the next day. I think I do need to give them more to do rather than letting them choose so much. I can at least try that and see if it helps as long as it doesn't turn into a fight with me trying to force them to do something. KWIM?

We also have a list of jobs that he can do to earn money that we made up together. Both the boys like to help around the house and I try to give them jobs every day.

[zinemama]

Originally Posted by MarineWife 

I think I do need to give them more to do rather than letting them choose so much. I can at least try that and see if it helps as long as it doesn't turn into a fight with me trying to force them to do something. KWIM?

I think you are right about giving them things to do. It sounds as if your boys are badly in need of structured activities, and I imagine that must be difficult to provide with a baby to care for. What exactly do you want your 7yo to be learning? If he is demanding that you "give him a test," he might be thrilled with handwriting practice workbooks or something of that nature that he can work on independently.

[Linda on the move]

I suggest Five In a Row. Both your 7 year old and your 4 year old could enjoy it and learn together.

[Lakeeffectsnow]

I know you aren't interested in sending your oldest to school, but have you thought of other options?  My youngest son is almost 8 years old and he is easily bored.  When he is bored, he is  miserable and spends his time "experimenting" (taking apart the washing machine, painting his sister's room with her art supplies, fighting with his brothers, catching the free range chickens and putting them in dog crates, black holes with the vacuum cleaner and plastic bags).  He always feels terrible after the incident and is filled with remorse, guilt, and self recrimination.  Honestly, his behavior got much worse after my youngest was born last December. 

He simply requires much more stimulation and interaction than my other children.  We have him enrolled in a daily physical activity every day, except Sunday (home school swim, home school gymnastics, martial arts, and soccer).  During the school year; he attends an after school program at his martial art school.  My husband drops him off at 2:15 on his way to work and either I pick him up at 5:30 or one of his friend's moms drop him off at 5:45. He attends summer camp there several days a week. It does require extra work and expense on our part, but he is much happier and so are the rest of us.  All five of my kids require different levels of social activities and structure, it's hard to accommodate at time. 

[MarineWife]

Originally Posted by Lakeeffectsnow 

I know you aren't interested in sending your oldest to school, but have you thought of other options?

Yes. That is why I've very recently become more active in a local homeschool group. They do things during the day so my boys aren't just sitting around all day waiting for the other kids to get home from school and finish their homework. I've also enrolled 7yo ds in a homeschool chorus class. It's only once a week but it's something. Yesterday was his first day and he liked it. Yesterday was also a much better day, probably partly because we got out and did something and partly because I was able to spend some one-on-one time with my 4yo while my 7yo was in his class. I had the baby with us but he was sleeping so I was able to focus completely on my 4yo for almost an hour.

I talked about how the day went with my 7yo that night so that he would take conscious note that the day was better and why. Things have been better so far today, too.

I had been sick with mastitis for about 3 days right before I started this thread. It hit me really hard and really fast. One minute I felt fine and the next I was laying on the couch completely incapacitated while I shivered uncontrollably under two blankets. It was horrible. So, things may have been especially bad then if my boys were reacting to me being sick or I may have been more overwhelmed about it than usual because I was sick. At any rate, I hope that the last two days are a sign that things are getting better.