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Etiquette on telling XH about being pregnant?

post #1 of 12
Thread Starter 
I'm not sure if this is the right place to post this, but I think it's the most fitting?

I found out yesterday that I'm pregnant. It's with my partner, whom I left my XH for. XH and I have a daughter that is nearly 3. I don't know why but for some reason I'm really scared to tell him about this pregnancy. Should I wait? Should I treat it like it's none of his business and disregard his feelings? Should I just tell him and hope for the best? Any advice would be greatly appreciated!
post #2 of 12

i think that if he shows that he is upset it is probably more because he is worried (about you/your daughter) and also jealous for the child you share together. i know if ex were to tell me that he and his new partner were expecting a child i would be pretty upset because they already can not care for the child we share together. 

post #3 of 12

no advice, only hugs, i cannot imagine what my stbx would say if (when?) i were ever to get pregnant again in the future. if i were you i would tell him, i cant imagine hed want to hear it from someone else... then again, depends on your current relationship... ugh, sticky situation for sure.  again, hugs to you!

post #4 of 12

Congrats on your pg!  I think you should kindly tell him. You don't want him to hear it from someone else and since you share a child he will be linked to your life and your family's life forever.

post #5 of 12

Just jumping in from blended families to share advice I have commonly seen over there :)  Several people have noted that it may be a good idea to tell your ex around the same time you tell your child, while child is with you, by e-mail or telephone to give him time to process before he sees your child and hears the news from them, just to avoid any "ugly" or negative reactions being shown to your child. 

 

Honestly, we just let dsd pass the news on and it wasn't a big deal, just as dsd was the one to tell us about her mom's pregnancy, but I can see how that would not work for everyone. 

post #6 of 12

 

Congratulations

 

The one thing I am sure of is that each ex will deal with this news differently. All we can do is tell them with tact and compassion. I tend to lean towards telling when we tell other extended family members and friends.

post #7 of 12

I would email...

 

Dear Ex:

 

Gertrude is excited about seeing you this weekend, she always enjoys the time you spend together.  I wanted to give you a heads up, in case she mentions it, that I am pregnant.  I am telling Gertie about the new baby tonight and, since she may comment on it during your visit, I didn't want you to be caught off guard. 

 

See you at 6:00 on Friday.

 

Me.

post #8 of 12

I think it really depends on your relationship with your ex. I don't talk to my ex (or, rather, I try to communicate with him and he completely ignores everything I say). So when I found out I was pregnant I let him hear it through the grapevine. When his wife was pregnant (they have a 2 year old and an infant) I heard about them both through the grapevine. The only thing that pissed me off is that ex didn't tell ds about either of the babies. They just sorta appeared (we live 2 states away and dh wasn't seeing ds consistently when either of those babies were born or when ex's wife was pregnant).

post #9 of 12
Quote:
Originally Posted by tessa67 View Post

I would email...

 

Dear Ex:

 

Gertrude is excited about seeing you this weekend, she always enjoys the time you spend together.  I wanted to give you a heads up, in case she mentions it, that I am pregnant.  I am telling Gertie about the new baby tonight and, since she may comment on it during your visit, I didn't want you to be caught off guard. 

 

See you at 6:00 on Friday.

 

Me.



This is what I did, but it was emailed to XH's parents because they're the ones who visit the kids. XH sends a Christmas/B-Day present and otherwise doesn't bother with the kids, so I just CCed him the same email.

post #10 of 12

I was in the same situation, and was also very very worried about telling him. We made a phone date and I told him, probably when I was about 11 weeks or so. Hard conversation for me, especially since I felt so guilty (my partner is also someone I left XH for), but I was so relieved when it was over. And he took the news much better than I expected.

post #11 of 12
Thread Starter 
Chemical pregnancy, I don't need to tell him anything after all. Thanks for all the good advice though!
post #12 of 12

Sorry to hear that.

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