anyone in an open adoption move soon after placement?

[sesa70]

This is sudden and unexpected, but my husband got a job offer literally across the country. Its a place we have always wanted to live, but never really expected we would. Now we have to decide in a very short time if the move is right for our family.

Our youngest daughter is 7 months old, has been home for 6, and we finalize later this month. We have an open adoption with her birthparents, and the plan is to see them 2-3 times a year with frequent phone calls and pictures/letters. So far, that has been perfect, but I worry about what moving so soon after our daughter came home would be like for them.

I don't want them to think we are or were in any way dishonest about things, my husband didn't even apply for this job, he was contacted by a recruiter. He thought it was so incredibly unlikely he would get an offer, he went on the interview as more of a 'lets see what happens' instead of a 'I hope I get the job' if that makes sense.

Now we are faced with a very difficult decision. What to do?

[lauren]

How exciting!  Do you think you can commit to keeping the schedule for visits from where you would move to? If you were able to, it would show that your follow through extends no matter where you are physically. I think I would also worry about birthparent reaction with such a quick move.

[CrunchyChristianMama]

Would you be able to financially afford flying to see them or flying them to see you a couple times a year?

I know you shouldn't plan on this and certainly don't probably desire it, but a lot of times contact slows down after the first couple years.  It's something to think about.  I would hate to see you turn down the position and then in a year or two have the birth parents start dropping off on contact and it causing bitterness.

I would definitely chat about it with them though if you are really considering it.  Let them know that you are really considering what is best for your DD and them.  I'm sure they will appreciate that. 

[Polliwog]

Is frequent Skyping an option if they are internet users?

DS's older sister moved out of state not long after her adoption. Her new parents come down to visit once or twice a week, we Facebook, and Skype.The kids' birth mother/grandmother aren't computer users so they don't Skype but it's a great option for former foster parents and siblings.

[illumini]

Ononjguxd Guilin;cvuuiuyuyii[URL]http://[/URL]uuiikjkojhggpkopjjjgfft[IMG]http://[/IMG]ujjiou


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[CrunchyChristianMama]

Originally Posted by illumini 

Ononjguxd Guilin;cvuuiuyuyii[URL]http://[/URL]uuiikjkojhggpkopjjjgfft[IMG]http://[/IMG]ujjiou


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Insightful.  Gotta love smart phones.

[WifeMomChiro]

I have a friend who did this.  They adopted in the Spring and moved across the country in July due to a job change.  It has worked out just fine for them thus far.  They are just really honest with the first mom.  I think she has plans to fly down to visit them in their new home.

[sesa70]

Thank you for the replies, everyone!

Yes, we would still plan to come back to visit, but probably only about once per year, as we would be moving 2 thousand miles away and flying with a family of 5 (and my oldest daughter in a wheelchair) is NOT easy!

i think it would definitely be worke-able, but I worry about the emotional impact it will have on her birthparents and I don't want them to think we are dishonest or that we had this planned from the start. It has been a month almost and we still don't have an answer... its been a rough decision.

[Mom31]

Have you discussed it with the birthparents yet?