Guidance on Sharing

[milomama]

So, I was secretly quite proud when my two year old was good with sharing.  He'd play side by side with kids, and if they took things, he'd be calm.  He'd hand toys to other kids.

Haha...now I have a 2.5 year old and sharing is a nightmare!  He screams when other kids touch toys.  Sometimes it is about them not playing "right".  He'll tell me (through tears) that the train should not go on the road, it goes on the track.  Or that the truck should not go in the water table.  He doesn't hit or push, but he has started grabbing toys back from kids.

I try to get him to calm down.  I hold him, and ask him to blow down my fingers (to get him to take deep breaths) and then use his words to tell me what's going on.  I model words he can use "I was playing with that right now, can you use this one" or "Can I have a turn when you are done".  I try and stay calm...but I've started to have the kid other parents pull their kids away from as he screams so easily and gets so worked up.  We had friends over on the weekend and it was a disaster!  He screamed constantly!

He is extremely verbal, he always talks, and surprises me with what he comes up with.  Under good circumstances, he has expressed feelings (sad, happy, mad) and is great at telling me what he wants.  So, I think it's really just an emotional reaction, not a lack of words or anything. He shares with me, and wants me to always play with him, and will assign "mama's train" and "Milo's train".  So, although I talk to him, it's hard to "practice" at home, as he is fine at home.  In fact, he can share "in theory" as we have planned ahead of what we will do when kids want to play the same thing as him, and he will tell me about handing a toy to the other kid.  But it definitely doesn't happen in practice!

I want to approach this gently, as I realize sharing is hard for adults, let alone 2 year olds!  But, I also want to be able to relax and enjoy myself a little...I feel so on guard watching for when he grabs and screams.  I also don't want to hide from activities, as getting out of the house and with other parents helps me keep sane.  But, I am on the verge of that...just hanging out me and him...since no little kids want to play around him anyway!

How do you teach sharing gently?

[colsxjack]

We dont teach sharing. We call it "taking turns". Mind you, our DD is only 26months yet.

She is pretty good at taking turns. Sometimes she wants something someone else has, or wants to hoard toys at the park or drop in, but then we remind her that is is someone elses turn and she will have her turn soon. If she is playing with something and another kid wants a turn it is up to her if she is done with it. If she is not done, we try to get her to say "it is my turn, your turn is next" instead of "NO IT"S MINE!" Sometimes this works.

At or house, when friends are over, we remind her that her friend would like a turn and that the toy will be here after the friend leaves and she can play with it all she wants. She usually gives the friend a turn or I try to have another similar toy ready so that they both/all have something.

Edited to say that this is working for now. Who knows when things will change.