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Update pg 10. Yay!-The ever-present CPS fears have materialized for us - Page 9

post #161 of 192
Quote:
Originally Posted by FarmerBeth View Post

Storm Bride is Canadian, as am I.  Some of the differences in how things are handled could be due to different laws and different child protection agencies.  Here, we have Community Services and Children's Aid.  One odd thing I bumped into as a family support worker, for example, was that while either agency would know if a parent was on the Child Abuse Registry, they don't know any other information from each other's agency.  So, Children's Aid, for example, could know that a child's behavior was due to a documented disability, but Community Services wouldn't.  Also, Children's Aid is a not-for -profit and Community Services is government run.  Hiring and documenting practices can be somewhat different between the two.  And anecdotally, people in the field have told me that  child apprehension can happen somewhat more easily in most of Canada than the US.

 

APToddlerMama, I agree with most of what you have posted, and I don't think the OP is in a situation where it is in her best interest to be uncooperative or assume the worst about the social workers or the system she's dealing with.  Her lawyer's advice seems sound, and she really is doing all the right things, so in less than two months this will most likely be done with.  I just wanted to point out that Storm Bride's perspective may be different due to where she lives.  The US and Canada have much in common, but there are some major differences in our legal and social situations that may be affecting point of view, here.



I'm sure there are differences, but I don't think they manifest at the national level, exactly. I don't remember the current name of our service (it's changed quite a few times in my life, which is why I just shorthand to "CPS" - everyone knows what that means), but I do know that it's operated at the provincial, not the federal, level.

 

post #162 of 192
Quote:
Originally Posted by kathymuggle View Post

Op - do you have family the kids can stay with if they are apprehended?  I think most places prefer kinship placement if possible. While the idea of apprehension is horrible, I know for me it would be easier on everyone if the kids were with someone I know and trust.  

 

I do not think anything you said at this point means the kids will be apprehended, but I understand your worry!  I have only known a couple of families with CPS involved and all of them had to sign "plans".  

 

IIRC - your plan asks you to go to parenting classes?  No biggie - go to parenting classes.  I would cross out some of the wording if you feel the need to.  Example:  Due to defeciencies in parenting, the smiths have agreed to take parenting classes.  Initial anything you change.  As for whether or not you need a lawyer - it is a hard call, isn't it?  Most cases are opened and closed and no one needs a lawyer.  In a small amount of cases, though, things go south and people probably do need a lawyer.  In which case you get one, money be danged (sell thing, debt,  etc)  If I were you I would wait for signs that things were not going well, and then get one.  

 

APT and LROM - do either of you have signs of what things look like if things are heading south/if an apprehension is near?

 


This sounds like a good way to approach this.

 

post #163 of 192
Thread Starter 

Good news! (I think) I spoke to the new worker by phone today, at last. She scheduled to come out on Wed afternoon (yay, scheduled visit!) to "assess" and meet with myself and my husband. Then, I can't remember her exact wording, but she went over the positives, like the house was not a concern for the first worker, and other things, and said something to the effect of it's possible the case could be closed early. I'm not holding my breath, but I wouldn't be mad at it, either. She also said that it's fine for us to decline the service (the cleaning thing), but she just wanted to make sure that I understood that "if the case is open for several weeks and in that time we determine that there is imminent harm to the children we'll have to get a court order and MAKE you participate in services, and they would then not be voluntary." Sounded like she just wanted to make sure I knew that they are voluntary now, but if I don't keep it up they won't be. I'll keep it up for the rest of my life to keep them out of my life!

 

So, I have hope that we really have been doing everything right and that it will soon be over. Just 7 more visits. Fingers crossed for Wed.

post #164 of 192

OP, I really hope it all works out positively for you.  You are right not to hold your breath yet though.  I have been promised so many things by cps that they never came through on.  There always seems to be somebody, somewhere who can overrule what a worker tells you.  I would definitely keep the house extra clean before she gets there.  I would also take pictures of it (with dates) on the day that she is there so that you have proof later if her opinion on what "good" housekeeping is differs from yours. 

 

Best of luck and I'm sending all sorts of good vibes your way.

post #165 of 192

I hope it stays positive!  My fingers are crossed for you.

 

I gotta say, my house has been quite a bit cleaner since this thread started.  I am a complete slob, but I'd say that even at my very worst, no mess I've ever created could have been an imminent threat to children.  shrug.gif  A lot of the motivation for my cleaning the last, oh, eight years or so, has been that I think having a reasonably tidy house is good for the mental health of oneself and one's children, but I cannot imagine how bad a mess would have to be for *being taken from your family* to be a healthier option than living in it.  I just had to get that out.  

post #166 of 192

I would seriously have a maid come out ASAP and scrub the damn walls! Take all the dated pics, keep your receipt from the maid, go food shopping right before the visit and keep the receipt...anything that will help. Just document the heck out of your life right now so you have something in case anything goes wary.

 

Sounds like good news though! Maybe the other worker told this one she was going to close it but the supervisor wouldn't let her? If they are used to the supervisor being that way I'm sure it's no surprise and they know how she is KWIM?

post #167 of 192
Quote:
Originally Posted by sosurreal09 View Post

I would seriously have a maid come out ASAP and scrub the damn walls!

Good idea.

 

OP, if you do have money to throw around, before I spent it on an attorney, I would spend it hiring someone to come clean or keep an eye on the kids while you clean.  If for no other reason than to take some stress off of yourself, you know?  Maybe you would be able to breathe a little easier if you knew that every Wednesday or whatever, someone would be able to help you clean up.  Usually ongoing workers keep their schedules the same so you could always hire someone to come the day before she normally comes.  Not that you need to do that... just an idea. 

post #168 of 192
Quote:
Originally Posted by sosurreal09 View Post

I would seriously have a maid come out ASAP and scrub the damn walls! Take all the dated pics, keep your receipt from the maid, go food shopping right before the visit and keep the receipt...anything that will help. Just document the heck out of your life right now so you have something in case anything goes wary.

 

Sounds like good news though! Maybe the other worker told this one she was going to close it but the supervisor wouldn't let her? If they are used to the supervisor being that way I'm sure it's no surprise and they know how she is KWIM?



This is a good idea!

post #169 of 192
Thread Starter 

She's closing it! She's closing it! I organized and uncluttered my BUTT off this week. Shampooed the carpet and everything. She did the tour, she asked if it had looked considerably different when the first worker was here and I said no. She looked baffled that there had even been the referral to "services" in the first place.

 

She was "concerned" that there was no crib for the baby. She said she's seen people "and I don't think this is a concern here, but I've seen people roll over on their babies and suffocate them. It's a big safety concern. Do you think that you could get a pack and play and set it up in here? If you could get that here and show me that it's set up then I would know (she said this in a wink-wink way) that she had a separate place to sleep and I could close the case." We bought it tonight! I'm to call her to let her know and she'll come by tomorrow to verify we have it set up and then she'll close it!

 

She did say that they could do a drop-by visit at some point, and if the house was considerably different than what she'd seen then they may have to reopen it (I didn't know they could do that once the case was closed...), but I guarantee it won't be! And I'm still not counting my chickens until I get something in writing, but I'm SO ready to exhale. Thank the Heavens, or whomever gave us this wonderful worker!

 

And, thank all you lovely women who supported us through this. I appreciated the conversation, from both sides (it helped me not be totally terrified and keep my cool to hear some good of them, as I've never before heard anything good), and the support and advice. I really don't know how we'd have made it through without it.

 

I'll update again when it's for sure closed (I'd assume I get some piece of paper or something for confirmation) so we can all have a virtually party. :) Don't uncross those fingers just yet, ladies.

post #170 of 192


 

Quote:
Originally Posted by gabbyraja View Post

She's closing it! She's closing it! I organized and uncluttered my BUTT off this week. 



broc1.gifbanana.gif  So happy for you (and good for you for being so on top of things)  Way to go, mama!

post #171 of 192
thats wonderfui, im so happy for you!!!
post #172 of 192

Wonderful news! It sounds like she was doing her job well. She just needed to verify that the kids were okay and their living conditions are good.

 

What a relief. I'm sorry you had to endure all that stress, but at least you can be rest assured that CPS looks out for kids. They just want them taken care of, which, sadly, isn't always the case.

post #173 of 192
Quote:
Originally Posted by Drummer's Wife View Post
but at least you can be rest assured that CPS looks out for kids. They just want them taken care of, which, sadly, isn't always the case.

 

Comments like that can really sting if you've lost kids to CPS for unjustified reasons.  My daughter was taken care of just fine...and yet was still removed.

 



Quote:
Originally Posted by gabbyraja View Post

She's closing it! She's closing it! I organized and uncluttered my BUTT off this week. Shampooed the carpet and everything. She did the tour, she asked if it had looked considerably different when the first worker was here and I said no. She looked baffled that there had even been the referral to "services" in the first place.

 

She was "concerned" that there was no crib for the baby. She said she's seen people "and I don't think this is a concern here, but I've seen people roll over on their babies and suffocate them. It's a big safety concern. Do you think that you could get a pack and play and set it up in here? If you could get that here and show me that it's set up then I would know (she said this in a wink-wink way) that she had a separate place to sleep and I could close the case." We bought it tonight! I'm to call her to let her know and she'll come by tomorrow to verify we have it set up and then she'll close it!

 

She did say that they could do a drop-by visit at some point, and if the house was considerably different than what she'd seen then they may have to reopen it (I didn't know they could do that once the case was closed...), but I guarantee it won't be! And I'm still not counting my chickens until I get something in writing, but I'm SO ready to exhale. Thank the Heavens, or whomever gave us this wonderful worker!

 

And, thank all you lovely women who supported us through this. I appreciated the conversation, from both sides (it helped me not be totally terrified and keep my cool to hear some good of them, as I've never before heard anything good), and the support and advice. I really don't know how we'd have made it through without it.

 

I'll update again when it's for sure closed (I'd assume I get some piece of paper or something for confirmation) so we can all have a virtually party. :) Don't uncross those fingers just yet, ladies.


I am so happy for you!!!  Congrats! :)

 

post #174 of 192

Thats GREAT news mama!!  Show her the pack n play - put a sheet on the mattress or something so that she can say it looks slept in, and maybe a blanket if your baby is old enough to have one (according to whoever it is that says baby's can't have blankets until they're "old enough").

 

You should get something in writing - ask the worker when you see her again.  In as casual a way as you can, something like, "Will I get a letter telling me the case has been closed?  I'd appreciate having one, just for peace of mind" or something like that.  I got one, and you bet I still have it in all my custody battle papers.  She'll tell you how long that will take, and after you have that letter in hand, you don't have to let them back in.

post #175 of 192

in many cases you DONT get a letter saying they are closing the case.

 

i kept calling her till she told me the case was closed. and i trusted her coz she and i became friends enough that she asked me to apply for a job with them. whenever i had questions if it would look like an offence or not, i'd call her office and ask if it was ok. i did that for the next 3 years. and then we lost contact.

 

i am so hear about the worker's attitude. hopefully it wont be long before she does a surprise visit and then closes the case.

post #176 of 192

SUPER YAY!  I'm so excited for you and so happy for you.  Such good news!  What a blessing!   Keep up the good work mama!

post #177 of 192

I do have to say, since the beginning of this thread, I have become considerably less afraid/pessimistic of CPS. I think there is more at play than JUST this thread, but the stories and comments in this thread(as well as the OPs happy ending) helped too. (congrats OP!)

 

I've also decluttered my house significantly. I no longer have any trouble keeping it clean. The entire apartment used to have clean clothing waiting to be folded laying all over the floor. And toys, and random papers, and piles of dirty dishes in the sink. I love how clean my house is, and that it's clean all the time too. Actually, one of the posts in this thread made me worry that maybe my house doesn't look "lived in" enough, but I doubt that's the case in actuality. I no longer feel defeated in my own home! yay! And it's a nice feeling being able to invite anyone in who drops by (or even open the door without being embarrassed when the post man comes), because the house is always as clean as it would be if we were expecting company. 

post #178 of 192

OP I'm jumping out of my boots excited for you!!! GREAT UPDATE! <3

post #179 of 192

That's wonderful, gabbyraja!  Yay!

post #180 of 192

 

joy.gif

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