When the matriarch of your family says you are not ment for homeschooling :(

[tibris]

My grandmother is the sweetest woman in the world. When you picture the hallmark version of grandma - It's her. She cooks sunday lunch for the entire extended family, every week. She is always taking care of all of us. She would drop anything she's working on to help you. I picked her up so I could run some errands the other day and she asked me if I'd enrolled DD1 (5) in K yet. I told her, no, we're homeschooling (mind you I have two sisters that have been homeschooling for years now). "I think it would be better for DD2 and DD3..... not to mention you." :( Now I know I am not the perfect mother. I lose my temper often, I have a hard time with patience, but I try. I try so hard to do things right. I love this woman so much and trust her completely. To hear her say this crushed my spirit. We are now going into week 5 of HS K and I am beginning to doubt myself. DD1 is doing wonderful, but I am not as organized as I feel I should be. Other life stuff got in the way in the last week, I am now behind of where I wanted to be. I am beginning to think I'm robbing DD1 of friends and experiences most kids get. I just started her in soccer and am wondering how she's going to feel when the other kids start talking about what happened at school today. I feel like I'm screwing it all up and we're only in week 5 :(

[sleepypeanutsmom]

YOU know what is best for your daughter and your family.  Hold your head high Mama.  We all lose our temper from time to time.  We all feel less organized from time to time.  Sometimes "life" gets in the way of our best intentions for educating our children.  Often the "life" that gets in the way is more educating than the schooling we had planned.  Your daughter is only 5.  There is LOTS of time for her to learn.  LOTS. 

Yes, your daughter will not have the same experiences as children who go to school.  Children who go to school will also not have the same experiences and freedom that your daughter will.  You have to decide what is most important to you.  I think you have already done that.  It is difficult when people we respect and desire approval from don't fully support our decisions.  We still need take a deep breath and stay firm and confident in what we know is best for ourselves, our children and our family.  Hugs and best wishes to you!

[briansmama]

We've always home schooled our almost 8 yr old who loves sports. He's played on a team every season with other kids who all go to school, and usually all go to the same school. He has never once told me the other kids were talking about what happened in school that day at practice. He has told me that he feels uncomfortable the first practice of the season when they go around and intro themselves and say which school they go to. But after that the other kids usually think he's lucky to not have to go to school

As for your grandma, I think it's important to remember that things are so very different now than they were when she was in school. She's not in that world anymore so it would be very difficult for her to fully appreciate the reasons for choosing to hs. You are truly the matriarch of your family.

And K is wonderful for enjoying real life. It is such a time of imagination, play, wonder. Your dd is likely getting everything she needs and more with you, even if you don't feel totally organized or on task. In reality ts may even be better for her- but then, I am also more in the delayed formal academics camp. I really think there's a lot of research indicating that children do best when they are free to explore more at that age, and read to a lot for pleasure.

[AAK]

Originally Posted by tibris 

 I lose my temper often, I have a hard time with patience, but I try. I try so hard to do things right.

DD1 is doing wonderful, but I am not as organized as I feel I should be. Other life stuff got in the way in the last week, I am now behind of where I wanted to be. I am beginning to think I'm robbing DD1 of friends and experiences most kids get. I just started her in soccer and am wondering how she's going to feel when the other kids start talking about what happened at school today. I feel like I'm screwing it all up and we're only in week 5 :(

Everyone loses it once in a while.  What does "often" mean?  What happens when you "lose your temper?"  Assuming that losing your temper isn't endangering your children, which I doubt, then please don't beat yourself up about it.  You are aware that you lose your temper.  Perhaps come up with a strategy to help during those moments.  While it isn't perfect, my current strategy is to take a very deep breath, tell the kids that momma is losing it and needs a break for a moment, and then I go into my room for 10 minutes and collect myself.  This might not work for you since your kids are younger, but if you can find something that does work for you, you won't have to deal with feeling guilty.  Oh, btw, this isn't perfect -- sometimes my break comes after I lose it.  But, apologies aren't just for kids.  Moms can give them too.

"DD1 is doing wonderful"  -- HELLO, focus on that point for a while!

Organization.  Hah!  I am just hoping to have a semi organized year.  That would be success.  Seriously.  And, life DOES get in the way.  That is why "school at home" doesn't really work that well.  Homeschooling DOES work because it allows for life to be the teacher too.  Learning can be incorporated throughout life.  And, as your kids get older, most things will run a bit smoother. 

My kids do sports too.  My oldest actually plays volleyball for our parish.  She is the only one on the team not enrolled in the parochial school.  She was nervous at first, but it has only been good.  My second dd is in soccer.  Maybe it is the age, or that we have more than one school represented on the team, or that my dh (coach) keeps them very busy :) but it has never been an issue.  Some of the kids don't understand why Kayla would want to homeschool; others don't understand why their parents won't let them homeschool.  It is really a non-issue.  My girls also do dance and girl scouts.  There are a few other homeschoolers at dance, none at girl scouts.  It isn't a big deal.  

Really, I think you sound like you are doing fine.  Grandma struck a nerve because she means so much to you and you respect her opinion.  That doesn't mean she is right.  Who knows, maybe she spoke to each of your sisters too.  I have concerned relatives too.  They are also supportive relatives.  It seems like an oxymoron, but it does exist.  My mom (for example) is more concerned about me than the kids.  She really did value the time we were at school because she got her housework done and had time to herself.  When we were out of school she was able to completely focus on us.  She wonders when I get time to myself (so I don't get burned out) and she knows I don't get my housework all done-- that may just bug her a bit.  

Hang in there.  It really does sound like you are doing great.  Throw out the schedule if it helps!  

Amy

[tibris]

Thanks for the replies ladies!

I talked to one of my sisters and she was shocked my gma said that to me :( So I don't think it's a conversation she's had with them.

AAK - Your post made me really think. I usually pick up my gma on bad days that I don't want to take my girls to run errands. She's too old to watch them at her house, so I usually just pick her up and she sits in the car with them while I run into whatever stores I need to. Which usually makes the girls even angrier because they love running errands with me. She really sees a lot of the frustrated, LOUD me. So it makes sense. When I'm having a rough time I yell. I don't demean or anything like that I raise my volume because it's overwhelming when all three are crying/yelling at each other. That really is my number one problem, when they are all making noise and some days I feel like they all three are making noise all day long. My brain can't function. I do on occasion tell them mommy is in timeout, but because of their age that doesn't do much good. I still have the two year old climbing on me, upset that I'm not holding my arm at the most uncomfortable angle for her to hang on and the three year old "hey mom, hey mom, mom, mom." Which is what is going on right now. I don't have that mommy gene that lets me tune them out. Lots of people used to be impressed at how I always responded to my children no matter what they were saying, but now I cannot handle all of them talking at the same time without getting tense. So when the problems start, I'm already primed to yell.

I end up thinking maybe she's right, if I sent DD1 off to school that would bring down the volume level and maybe be better for all of us. *sigh* The reason I say this is cause DD1 doesn't like noise either, but her way of dealing is different,. When sisters cry or scream, she tries to block them out by yelling louder than them.... I've tried to reason with her on how it makes things worse and how she could bury her head in pillows, plug her ears, go to another room, etc, but she still does it. If I could figure out how to make her stop this one thing, I feel like life would suddenly become simple again (so not true, but it's my number one obstacle in daily life right now). I feel like a failure because I cannot get her to understand the concept of quiet and silence.

[etsdtm99]

i really don't know what to say about this situation other than my DD is 5.5 and i have a 3 yr old and 1 yr old and my oldest does NOT get the concept of quiet or silence and she does not understand that arguing with her 3yr old brother makes it worse , even when what she is saying is RIGHT .. that is SO not your fault.  i, too, wonder if we'd all be better off if DD was in school cause then DS could play happily and i coudl pay attention to the 1 yr old.. but.. a tthe same time, i know that isn't right for our family and in a few years - they will all be older and they won't all need so much of me and it will be better.. 

[tibris]

Thanks etsdtm, we don't spend much time with other families so it does make me feel better to know it's normal. The only other kids we're around regularly are only children. We are a spectacle around here.

[seashells]

I didn't hear the conversation, obviously, but from the one quote you gave me, I actually read it not as a criticism or a vote of no confidence, but just encouragement to not take on too much.

I agree with the PPs that times have changed so grandma probably doesn't really appreciate the decision. I see her as thinking "why take this huge task on yourself when you can just send her to school and then have more time for the other kids, not to mention yourself? That's what school is for!"

I also agree that it's YOUR family but that's separate from feeling crushed. I just wasn't totally sure you actually NEEDED to feel crushed, because she might not have meant you couldn't handle it, but rather that you shouldn't bother.

[AAK]

Originally Posted by tibris 

She really sees a lot of the frustrated, LOUD me. So it makes sense. When I'm having a rough time I yell. I don't demean or anything like that I raise my volume because it's overwhelming when all three are crying/yelling at each other. That really is my number one problem, when they are all making noise and some days I feel like they all three are making noise all day long.

Lots of people used to be impressed at how I always responded to my children no matter what they were saying, but now I cannot handle all of them talking at the same time without getting tense. So when the problems start, I'm already primed to yell.

Thanks for elaborating.  It makes sense that your gma would be concerned.  I think it is more of a concern for YOU rather than anything else.  I am a "yeller" too.  I have worked hard at changing it (and I am TONS better now than I used to be!) but I understand you very well.  

I think it is good that you respond to your kids.  I do to.  I can't tune them out.  

Maybe others on here can help with tips about the noise factory in your house.  :-)  Your ages do make it more challenging, but perhaps if you tried something of a "one at a time" thing it would help.  The older two should be able to get it.  The 2 year will likely follow suit, but if not . . . well it seems that once they are three they can get this concept.  One person I know did some elaborate modeling with her dh to show kids how she wanted it to work.  Then, when they all needed her attention at once, she reminded them "one at a time".  Each kid was allowed to put hand on leg/arm of mom while they waited their turn (helped the kids know that mom wouldn't forget their turn).  The current speaker needed to get "to the point" so that those waiting didn't need to wait too long.  And, finally, she changed up who got to go first.

Amy

[tibris]

Thanks for the responses! It really has made me feel so much better. When I spoke to my sister about it the first time, I told her I thought gma had accidentally said my name instead of my oldest daughters, but what you are all saying makes sense. She thinks it would be easier on me to send her off to school. I guess I'm insecue enough in this department that I chose to take it as a jab at me instead of another point of view on the concept of HSing. You've all made me feel so much better about it! Thank you so much for taking the time to respond!!

[lmonter]

Originally Posted by tibris 

My grandmother is the sweetest woman in the world. When you picture the hallmark version of grandma - It's her. She cooks sunday lunch for the entire extended family, every week. She is always taking care of all of us. She would drop anything she's working on to help you. I picked her up so I could run some errands the other day and she asked me if I'd enrolled DD1 (5) in K yet. I told her, no, we're homeschooling (mind you I have two sisters that have been homeschooling for years now). "I think it would be better for DD2 and DD3..... not to mention you." :( Now I know I am not the perfect mother. I lose my temper often, I have a hard time with patience, but I try. I try so hard to do things right. I love this woman so much and trust her completely. To hear her say this crushed my spirit. We are now going into week 5 of HS K and I am beginning to doubt myself. DD1 is doing wonderful, but I am not as organized as I feel I should be. Other life stuff got in the way in the last week, I am now behind of where I wanted to be. I am beginning to think I'm robbing DD1 of friends and experiences most kids get. I just started her in soccer and am wondering how she's going to feel when the other kids start talking about what happened at school today. I feel like I'm screwing it all up and we're only in week 5 :(

Life stuff is always going to happen.  What better for your kids to see you handle the surprises in life than up close and personal?  They'll be that much more equipped when they're older.  At least that's what I tell myself when I kept having babies and PPD and unemployment and all other kinds of monkey wrenches in life/homeschooling.  :)  As for organized...  I try.  Try being the key word.  Unless I can get rid of them for an entire 3 weeks straight, there's always going to be some kind of thing going on around here/with them that needs my attention in addition to everything else.  Maybe everybody else can handle everything and a bag of chips, but I'm just normal.  :D
 

Originally Posted by briansmama 
As for your grandma, I think it's important to remember that things are so very different now than they were when she was in school. She's not in that world anymore so it would be very difficult for her to fully appreciate the reasons for choosing to hs. You are truly the matriarch of your family.

And K is wonderful for enjoying real life. It is such a time of imagination, play, wonder. Your dd is likely getting everything she needs and more with you, even if you don't feel totally organized or on task. In reality ts may even be better for her- but then, I am also more in the delayed formal academics camp. I really think there's a lot of research indicating that children do best when they are free to explore more at that age, and read to a lot for pleasure.

Yup, school's even changed in the 15-20 years since I've been out.  Odds are grandma hasn't been in a middle school in the last few years.  ;)
And yes, the more kids you have, especially young ones, the louder the house is.  I have a 7yo, 5yo, 2yo, 18mo.  It's. never. quiet.  You don't know how many times I want to just tape their mouths shut for a while.  Sometimes I've had to resort to yelling responses back to them when they yell thoughts/questions at me - otherwise they just don't understand their own volume.  Sigh.  I've heard from older family members that you miss the chaos when they're grown and moved out, but sometimes that just sounds like bliss when you're running on 3 interrupted hours of sleep and have 5 loads of barfiness to deal with in addition to everything else.