September Chit Chat - Page 4 « Back to Group Discussions

[IwannaBanRN]

Hummmmmmm......  Our work as mommies is never finished, is it?

[Jaimee]

Originally Posted by birdhappy85 
My DH had to work tonight and wasn't able to come to our childbirth ed class with me, so I went alone and it just happened to be one of the most important ones to go to as a couple... the class on pain management techniques and how husbands can support their laboring wives and provide them comfort in different ways. I know I won't remember any of it when I'm actually laboring, let alone be able to teach it to him ahead of time - and even though he says he'll read the booklet, I highly doubt I'll ever see that happen...

Joanie, I'm not sure if this is helpful or not, I don't want to trivialize your frustration at all, but I thought I'd throw this out there...

I'm not sure what type of class you guys are taking... a hospital class?  Or a combo class?  Or something more specific?  Often the generic childbirth classes end up not being that helpful.  So if it's one of these sort of overview types with an intro to lots of different ideas then the fact that he had to miss it may not be as huge as it feels right now.  There are so many approaches to pain management and you can learn the Lamaze breathing and he can learn the Bradley coaching, but in the end it is whatever works.  And I do not mean this to diminish the role of the partner AT ALL, but I honestly feel that the most important thing that you can do for your labor is prepare yourself with a tool box.  You will need to draw on your inner strength and wisdom.  Your dh cannot do that for you.  What your dh can do to prepare himself is to get familiar with the stages of childbirth- what is normal, what to expect, common complications, etc.  Reading birth stories is a great way to do this.  If you get him to read anything, pick out a few birth stories from here on MDC or from Ina May's books.  Have him read Emergency Childbirth (available online in pdf form and very short) and important sections of A Thinking Woman's Guide to a Better Birth.  Have him read the Holistic Stages of labor article I posted a while back.  If you just can't seem to get him to read anything, try reading it to him.  Show him "The Business of Being Born" and other natural birth DVD's.  Maybe you could borrow some from a mw, doula, or where you're taking the class?  But reading a pamphlet or even listening to one short class on pain management probably won't do much to get it into his brain either.  And on labor day, he may not even be in a place where he can remember or say the right things to you.  You just don't know until it happens.  That's why having a doula can be really helpful, especially for a first time mom.  It's a doula's only job to remember your wishes and make suggestions to better manage what you're going through.  I can't remember... are you considering a doula?  I have never had a doula and while my dh has been very present during my births, he has yet to say or do anything that helped me with the pain.  He was very helpful with other things like getting me snacks, preparing the birth pool, making sure the room was set up, calling anyone that needed calling, etc.  But when it came to my body and the birth, it was all me.  And from what I've read, this is not an unusual experience.   The power to birth comes from within.  We all have it.  Learning to allow our bodies to birth and getting past our fears is the most important thing you can do and you don't need a doula or a trained partner in order to do that.

I know as a first time mom, that all the tiny details and feeling as though you're doing all the right things, buying all the right items, taking all the right classes feels that much more important.  I was totally the same way.  But I really, truly feel that your dh missing this one class will not negatively affect your birth outcome.  You sound like the type of person that researches and educates yourself and that is going to rub off on your dh and serve you very well during your birth.
 

Edited by Jaimee - 9/13/11 at 8:12am

[IwannaBanRN]

With my DH, he was just naturally a good coach. We did a weekend childbirth class, but it basically taught us what to expect with labor, not really pain management through relaxation. They talked more about epidurals and interthecals than anything. But before I had my epidural, he was so good about helping me through contractions and doing things to help think through them instead of fighting them. I'd find myself holding my breath, and he'd remind me to breath. He rocked with me and told me I was doing a good job. All in all, if he is being involved in your labor, instead of being on the sidelines, he's helping you, and no amount of childbirth classes can teach the compassion that comes with being a good birthing coach. If he doesn't read the literature, you can always tell him the jist of what to do when you go into labor and he'll run with it. You could always tell him what it means to you for him to read it, so he's not clueless going into your guys' birthing experience. If anything, he'll be able to educate his guy friends on what to do when their wives go into labor. DH prides himself on knowing that stuff. He even gives a bit of advice to a few of his servers that are pregnant at the restaurant he works at. It's hard to get guys to read stuff. I hope you can get through to him somehow, Joanie.

[Jaimee]

I keep thinking of things to add- it would be so much easier to have this type of conversation in person!    But I wanted to say that I'm sure a big part of the emotion you felt at him missing the class was that he wasn't there with you- not that he didn't hear the information.  I remember for me, that going to our group prenatal classes was so much more than hearing info, b/c honestly I knew most of it anyway.  It was about doing something together with my dh for the baby.  And that felt good.  So all the childbirth education aside, I hear you on that level, too.  Maybe set aside an evening where the two of you dedicate the time to reading/watching birth related stuff together?

[Abraisme]

I would go easy on yourself!  20mo is incredibly young for a boy to potty train.  In fact, not 1 of my friends have had a boy that's been fully trained before 3.  I started to potty train my DS as 2.5yo and he wasn't fully trained until 3.5yo.  I tried EVERYTHING!  He actually had accidents until he was about 5 because he refused to stop what he was doing to go to the bathroom.  This seems to be really common with boys.

My DD is 25mo, we've also been working on potty training and she still poops in her undies all the time.  We've got pee pretty much mastered, but poo is another story.  I have no idea how to get her to go in the potty!  I generally keep her in a pull-up (we still call them undies) around the time that she poops, that way I can just throw it away.  Other than that she's in undies.  I don't know if you've got a large 20mo, but where have you found undies for him that fit?  I bought my DD some 2t panties yesterday and they fell right off of her (she's 33" tall and 24lbs).  The only ones that will stay up are the Gerber training undies, but even those are too big.  I know that there are many petite, potty trained 2yo in the world.  They should be commercially available.  I don't want to pay $10 a pair for cute, tiny undies on Etsy.
 

Originally Posted by Jaimee 

I'm sorry Joanie and Becky!  That's so frustrating!  I've had a couple days like that recently as well.  I almost cried last night in the middle of dinner b/c ds wouldn't stop throwing his food and I was just losing it.  Not to mention the fact that I'm trying to move onto "phase 2" of our potty training where I rely on him to tell me he needs to go when we're home and make short trips out of the house.  He's doing really well, but when my patience is already super thin, any accidents that could have been easily prevented are so frustrating!!  Yesterday and today he started to poop in his underwear and then came and told me, finishing the rest on the potty.  I know it's baby steps, but that means I have to drop everything and clean out dirty underwear and a potty full of poop, and wipe his butt.  You know, while I'm burning something on the stove b/c dh is out on a run. 

[Abraisme]

Yup, Jaimee is right on here.  My DH has never taken a birthing class, but he still did great while I was in labor.  He did read the Hypnobirthing book (just weeks before I went into labor), but I had to coax and remind him a lot.  I would put it out in obvious places and highlighted the really important parts.  At least that way we were both on the same page in labor.  We also practiced some meditations together 1-2 times a week from about 30w on.  I found that this was a good way to connect and practice relaxation together.  The hypnobirthing cd has a couples meditation. 

Having your DH know what's normal and what to expect during labor is really the most important.  My uncle told me a story this summer..  He said that while his wife was pushing out their baby (20 years ago), he was fully convinced that the baby was going to be born without a skull.  He thought that the wrinkly skin on the babies head was a birth-defect.  If he had just watched a few videos!  :)
 

Originally Posted by Jaimee 

I keep thinking of things to add- it would be so much easier to have this type of conversation in person!    But I wanted to say that I'm sure a big part of the emotion you felt at him missing the class was that he wasn't there with you- not that he didn't hear the information.  I remember for me, that going to our group prenatal classes was so much more than hearing info, b/c honestly I knew most of it anyway.  It was about doing something together with my dh for the baby.  And that felt good.  So all the childbirth education aside, I hear you on that level, too.  Maybe set aside an evening where the two of you dedicate the time to reading/watching birth related stuff together?

[birdhappy85]

Thanks for the suggestions. We've been taking an in depth 8-week childbirth ed class that is a modification of the Bradley Method. It's definitely not a brush-over class. It's been a lot of work but a great learning and bonding experience! We've been going every Monday together for 6 weeks so far and this one Monday his boss scheduled him to work on accident and he couldn't get out of it, so I think you're right Jaimee - it was just really hard not having him there with me since we've been doing this together the whole time. Plus, I felt really left out while the other couples were practicing all of these comfort techniques together, like having the husband slowly touch different parts of his wife's body to remind her to relax the muscles, and then the husbands gave the wives hand and foot massages at the end of class using certain techniques with pressure points and stuff. (Although, I did get a hand and foot massage still. The instructor used me as her guinea pig! So I probably got the best massage out of everyone. LOL! ) She was explaining a lot of things that husbands can do to be mindful of their wives' needs. Of all the classes that my DH could've used reinforcement from, it would've been this one. He is great at comforting me when he knows what to expect, like when I'm having my predictable PMS moments and stuff, but he doesn't do as well when caught off guard in new situations and doesn't have a full set of "tools" per se to comfort me. He's very hands on; I can tell how much he has learned from the prior childbirth classes in general. When he has a full tool belt for how to help me in any way, he is amazing. He doesn't get the same thing out of reading, though; he hates reading. I just want him to soak in as much information as he can about the whole process since his biggest problem all around tends to be mindfulness... And these specific techniques last night are the exact ones I know would help me the most during contractions. I'm very touchy-feely.

I need to just trust in him more and have faith that he's as invested in our baby's birth as I am and wants to help me through the process as much as I need him to. He has been reassuring; I'm just a nervous wreck (poor sleep makes my anxiety level skyrocket). And I've had really bad memory problems for a while now (part of why I have difficulty working) so he has been great at reassuring me that he is remembering a lot from these classes when I'm struggling with that. We joke that he's "my memory" and he has been nothing but supportive with that. I showed him a little bit of the techniques this morning before I forget them. (I'm visual too; re-reading from the booklet won't help me with certain things.) I'm less worried now. He was really attentive and reassuring this morning.

I know that I'll manage things in my own way too using my own relaxation techniques. I've been practicing some of them. I've experienced excruciating pain in my lifetime, so I'm not even expecting childbirth to be as bad as some of the other things I've gone through. I can manage pain. However, when I've hit the point of overwhelmed emotionally and just exhausted, I'm not like a lot of people where self-soothing would help and I do need outside help in those times. I might tense up and not go with the flow if someone isn't there to remind me and walk me through it. I am very close with my DH and he is the most comforting presence in my life whenever I'm in a lot of pain, sick, etc. Some people like to be alone; I am not like that at all. This isn't to say that I'm relying on him 100% to get me through the labor at all because I'm totally not implying that. But I am very dependent on him to help me and bond with me during the labor, I will fully admit that. He understands completely since he has seen me through a lot of hard times and illness, and this is the dynamic that works for me. I'm sure some people would see it as needy and too dependent, but honestly I think most people would be the same way if they had numerous times in their life when they really just had to depend on their spouses because they weren't able to take care of themselves due to severe illness... He knows how to navigate my emotional buttons and see me through things. So anyway, I want a doula too but we can't afford it. I have asked two good girl friends to come to the birth. I'm excited for that. They're both entering the stage when they might start their own families and they're very loving and positive women. I'm so happy they want to come. I think then I'll have my midwife, her assistant (+ her baby), my husband, and my two friends (if they can make it). Maybe one more friend too. Maybe I should see if one of my friends is willing to step in to give my DH a little break? I know one of them would probably be more than willing to like hold my hand or just sit there by me when I'm having a hard time.

I'll end my long spiel. lol. Baring it all here today! I can't wait to be less emotional when all of these hormones are out of my system. I'm really excited to experience natural labor and childbirth. I need to stop being so scared of the unexpected! That is one thing that the classes probably weren't good for. I was a lot more in the dark and not nervous at all when I had no idea how things go. Silly me.

[IwannaBanRN]

I felt so hormonal and out of control yesterday. lol It makes a person feel clinically insane, doesn't it?

[birdhappy85]

LOL yes - clinically insane sums it up!

[jasmin85]

..

Edited by jasmin85 - 9/13/11 at 10:43am

[Jaimee]

Originally Posted by Abraisme 

I would go easy on yourself!  20mo is incredibly young for a boy to potty train.  In fact, not 1 of my friends have had a boy that's been fully trained before 3.  I started to potty train my DS as 2.5yo and he wasn't fully trained until 3.5yo.  I tried EVERYTHING!  He actually had accidents until he was about 5 because he refused to stop what he was doing to go to the bathroom.  This seems to be really common with boys.

My DD is 25mo, we've also been working on potty training and she still poops in her undies all the time.  We've got pee pretty much mastered, but poo is another story.  I have no idea how to get her to go in the potty!  I generally keep her in a pull-up (we still call them undies) around the time that she poops, that way I can just throw it away.  Other than that she's in undies.  I don't know if you've got a large 20mo, but where have you found undies for him that fit?  I bought my DD some 2t panties yesterday and they fell right off of her (she's 33" tall and 24lbs).  The only ones that will stay up are the Gerber training undies, but even those are too big.  I know that there are many petite, potty trained 2yo in the world.  They should be commercially available.  I don't want to pay $10 a pair for cute, tiny undies on Etsy.
 

We trained dd at 20 months and she was quite petite.  I bought generic panties at Target that were just colored and some had little patterns, but no characters.  The 2T-3T size fit fine after a few hot washes and dries to shrink them up a bit.

Dd was a challenge at 20 months b/c she didn't even know what the potty was for.  She was indicating when she was going and taking her diapers off, so that's why we went ahead and did potty boot camp with her.  By the end of a week we had progress, but still lots of accidents.  By the end of two weeks we were having maybe 0-2 accidents a day and it just got better from there.  She was/is very distractable so parks and playgroups were added challenges.  But when we were out shopping she was great, b/c she loved big potties.  Anyway, I would say we had accidents about once a week for a few months after that.

Ds was part time ECed so he already knew what the potty was for and we had almost 100% success from the beginning.  I think that's almost what makes it more frustrating... we know that he knows and sometimes he just forgets.  But I know he's very young and I just need to be more vigilant.  I also know that boys tend to potty train later but we have a couple friends who trained their boys by 17-24 months.  I expect that he'll still have the occasional accident, but hopefully in another week we'll be able to go out shopping and for longer periods and not need to stop in the middle of everything and whip out the potty.  I'd like to get to the point soon where we can make it to the bathroom when he indicates he needs to go.  It's harder with two kids and I know it will get even harder with 3, so I want this done or mostly done by November!  We'll see!
 

[jasmin85]

deleted comment

[IwannaBanRN]

But why? I was just finishing a response to what you said. lol  hugs to you, Jasmin.

[jbk21]

We started early potty learning with Owen at around a year.  We bought the potty and would sit him on it- he even accidentally peed in the potty a few times while we were reading to him.  We were pretty excited that he might learn fairly early- especially since all the medical and psychological research shows that they are physically capable of holding it at a very young age (before disposable diapers came along, almost all children were trained well before age 2.  It's not that they can't do it, it's that we as parents have "trained" them to continue using the diapers, the disposables companies have trained docs and parents alike to think that age 3 is a great time to start training.  Of course- that means more profits for them). I'm sure you know all of that if you ECed.  Anyway, I think that we got lazy and were inconsistent with the potty.  He was so willing to do it and it was like old hat for him by 18 months, but then we moved cross-country and put it on the back burner, only leaving him diaper-less for short periods of time infrequently.  I'm sure you can guess what happened next- he turned 2, became more independent and defiant (he's still the most agreeable kid I know, but he is very independent) and he started refusing to use the potty.  Now, accidents are one thing (I consider them a learning tool) but all out screaming when I try to put him on the potty is something I cannot push through.  I don't want to scar him.  So, we're just now getting to the point (at 30 months) where we have gotten him excited about peeing on the potty. (poop is another story.)  He wakes dry from naps and is able to understand the concept of keeping his pants dry.  We're getting there, but I fear he will just regress when baby comes (anyone have advice to avoid that?)

I know plenty of babies- boys and girls- who have been trained well before age two.  The nice thing about potty learning early is that research shows they have fewer accidents and less night-time wetting than kids who are trained later.  Again, I think this is because we "train" them to continue using the diaper.  For me, "no I want to keep playing instead" is not a reasonable excuse for not wanting to use the potty.  Unfortunately age two brings that sort of thinking....

So, I'm sending good vibes that you can get your LO trained before baby!  It's hard work, for sure.  It's easy to get frustrated too but keep looking at the long-term picture.  Even if there is an accident today, maybe there won't be one tomorrow- or maybe next week!  
 

Originally Posted by Jaimee 

Ds was part time ECed so he already knew what the potty was for and we had almost 100% success from the beginning.  I think that's almost what makes it more frustrating... we know that he knows and sometimes he just forgets.  But I know he's very young and I just need to be more vigilant.  I also know that boys tend to potty train later but we have a couple friends who trained their boys by 17-24 months.  I expect that he'll still have the occasional accident, but hopefully in another week we'll be able to go out shopping and for longer periods and not need to stop in the middle of everything and whip out the potty.  I'd like to get to the point soon where we can make it to the bathroom when he indicates he needs to go.  It's harder with two kids and I know it will get even harder with 3, so I want this done or mostly done by November!  We'll see!
 

[Jaimee]

Originally Posted by jbk21 

...all the medical and psychological research shows that they are physically capable of holding it at a very young age (before disposable diapers came along, almost all children were trained well before age 2.  It's not that they can't do it, it's that we as parents have "trained" them to continue using the diapers, the disposables companies have trained docs and parents alike to think that age 3 is a great time to start training.

Right.  I do believe that successful potty training has more to do with the amount of consistent effort a parent/caregiver can put forth.  So many of us don't have the support we need, have to work and put the kid in daycare or preschool, or have alternative caregivers that aren't as vigilant, etc. such that consistent training becomes difficult.  Certainly every child is different and every family is different, but all those parents I know that stay home with their kids and really made a huge effort early on (before age 2) to potty train had success.  It did work with dd, so I'm hoping that it'll be fine in a few weeks.  He's already dry at nap and most nights as well (I accredit that to EC) so I know he can hold it.  He just needs help getting to a potty quickly enough when he feels the urge while awake. 
 

[TalkToMeNow]

Hi guys! Ugh, not being able to access this on my phone leaves me feeling left out! I did most of my posting that way... I don't sit down and pull out my laptop that often. Guess I'll have to get better at that!

Don't remind me of potty learning... I can't believe I'm going to do that again! Well, technically I only did dd1. Daycare totally did dd2. I swear, I did nothing... she just learned to use the potty with the rest of the two year old class. 

dashley, hope you will feel better after the procedure. Sorry you have to deal with that. 

Joanie, can you guys hire an exterminator? I know there are natural ones out there. I used to use one for years. Though I did go mainstream eventually.  It might give you more peace of mind. I used to be super afraid of bugs. Like, I would leave the house until exh would get home from work to look for the bug and kill it. I got better because of living alone (with my kids) after I got a divorce in 2006. At some point I had to realize no one else was going to kill the bugs for me!  Also, I second everything Jaimee said about childbirth classes and birth in general as far as your dh is concerned. My attitude is so different this time after having two already. I am not doing any classes and really haven't pushed dp to read anything. In my case, though, I doubt he will be here since he works out of town. In fact, I'm not sure anyone will actually be with me. But it's such an internal thing that it really doesn't bother me. Plus, my midwives are great. I will probably stress to him that if he makes it for the birth I need him to be supportive of my wishes and understanding that the process is normal. That's about it. 

I'll be 32 weeks tomorrow. I had an appointment today and baby is definitely head down. Yea! I'm getting my iron rechecked because I am still exhausted. Other than that, things are good. :)

[TalkToMeNow]

After I posted, I read this. It's the opposite of what I said in my post. Lol! Dd2 was in an awesome daycare, though. Maybe that makes a difference? Of course, she's also the kind of child who has always done very well in a group setting. She's very well mannered, always the "star student", loves to please her teachers, etc. 
 

Originally Posted by Jaimee 

Right.  I do believe that successful potty training has more to do with the amount of consistent effort a parent/caregiver can put forth.  So many of us don't have the support we need, have to work and put the kid in daycare or preschool, or have alternative caregivers that aren't as vigilant, etc. such that consistent training becomes difficult.  Certainly every child is different and every family is different, but all those parents I know that stay home with their kids and really made a huge effort early on (before age 2) to potty train had success.  It did work with dd, so I'm hoping that it'll be fine in a few weeks.  He's already dry at nap and most nights as well (I accredit that to EC) so I know he can hold it.  He just needs help getting to a potty quickly enough when he feels the urge while awake. 
 

[Jaimee]

Originally Posted by birdhappy85 
So anyway, I want a doula too but we can't afford it. I have asked two good girl friends to come to the birth. I'm excited for that. They're both entering the stage when they might start their own families and they're very loving and positive women. I'm so happy they want to come. I think then I'll have my midwife, her assistant (+ her baby), my husband, and my two friends (if they can make it). Maybe one more friend too. Maybe I should see if one of my friends is willing to step in to give my DH a little break? I know one of them would probably be more than willing to like hold my hand or just sit there by me when I'm having a hard time.

Have you contacted DONA for a list of doulas in training in your area?  Have you contacted LLL and API, gotten on any natural parenting Yahoo/Google groups, or posted in the Finding Your Tribe section here on MDC?  They will know where the doulas are and you should be able to find one that will allow payment on a sliding scale, a payment plan, bartering, or even for free if she is still in training.  Don't give up b/c of money if you really want one!  And it sounds like you are a perfect candidate for needing a doula.  Friends might be helpful, they might not be, especially if they haven't been through it before.  Everyone is different, of course, and some thrive off of the energy of lots of familiar people in the birth area, but that is SO not for me.  I would not want anyone there that was not helping directly in some way and if any of your friends don't know how to help you when you get into that emotionally fragile state or they are clueless about birth... I'm not sure their energy is what you want to have around.  But that's me... less is better for me.  Your dh may need a break, he may not, depending on how long your labor goes.  But your mw or birth assistant can give him a break while he goes and pees or gets something to eat.  In fact, they will insist that he do that at some point. 

[Jaimee]

Originally Posted by TalkToMeNow 

After I posted, I read this. It's the opposite of what I said in my post. Lol! Dd2 was in an awesome daycare, though. Maybe that makes a difference? Of course, she's also the kind of child who has always done very well in a group setting. She's very well mannered, always the "star student", loves to please her teachers, etc. 
 

That's great that it worked out.  Peer motivation/mimicking is an awesome tool, for sure.  And it sounds like your dd was very amenable to that and also that the daycare was very involved.  Many daycares will take kids to the potty when they are trying to train, but only if they indicate it or only on a prescribed schedule.  That doesn't work for all kids, but I'm sure it does for some.  Awesome that you didn't really have to deal with it!!  One of my friends had her mother staying with her for the summer (she was from the Czech) and the grandmother trained her son that summer while she worked full time.  Good deal!   I was wondering the other day how much I would pay to have someone else potty train for me. 

[Abraisme]

This seems to be very common.  Olivine was using the potty a few times a day round 13-14mo, then got to a point where she refused.  Then, about 2 weeks ago she peed in the potty again and it just clicked on!  However, she still has accidents and it's on me to remember constantly.  I also won't force her to go if she throws a fit about it.   From my experience with my DS and seeing my other friends potty train, when a kid is really ready, it's super easy.  It's like, you can either fight the cause for a year (to prevent accidents) or you can wait until they're 3 and it can be done 100% within days.  I dunno which is better..  I almost wish that I hadn't frustrated myself so much while training DS.  If I had just waited another 6mo it probably would have been simple.. 

I went and bought some Hanes 2t undies at Target today, which actually fit.  They're for 20-26lbs, where the Old Navy and Gerber brands are for 28lbs+.  I'm going to keep on trying with the potty training and take it as it comes.  We tend to do a little better every day and I'll be happy if she's fully trained before 3yo.  She can hold it for a decent amount of time after she tells me that she needs to go, so I've often taken her out in undies.  It's just the darn poop that we haven't quite mastered!  :/
 

Originally Posted by jbk21 

We started early potty learning with Owen at around a year.  We bought the potty and would sit him on it- he even accidentally peed in the potty a few times while we were reading to him.  We were pretty excited that he might learn fairly early- especially since all the medical and psychological research shows that they are physically capable of holding it at a very young age (before disposable diapers came along, almost all children were trained well before age 2.  It's not that they can't do it, it's that we as parents have "trained" them to continue using the diapers, the disposables companies have trained docs and parents alike to think that age 3 is a great time to start training.  Of course- that means more profits for them). I'm sure you know all of that if you ECed.  Anyway, I think that we got lazy and were inconsistent with the potty.  He was so willing to do it and it was like old hat for him by 18 months, but then we moved cross-country and put it on the back burner, only leaving him diaper-less for short periods of time infrequently.  I'm sure you can guess what happened next- he turned 2, became more independent and defiant (he's still the most agreeable kid I know, but he is very independent) and he started refusing to use the potty.  Now, accidents are one thing (I consider them a learning tool) but all out screaming when I try to put him on the potty is something I cannot push through.  I don't want to scar him.  So, we're just now getting to the point (at 30 months) where we have gotten him excited about peeing on the potty. (poop is another story.)  He wakes dry from naps and is able to understand the concept of keeping his pants dry.  We're getting there, but I fear he will just regress when baby comes (anyone have advice to avoid that?)

I know plenty of babies- boys and girls- who have been trained well before age two.  The nice thing about potty learning early is that research shows they have fewer accidents and less night-time wetting than kids who are trained later.  Again, I think this is because we "train" them to continue using the diaper.  For me, "no I want to keep playing instead" is not a reasonable excuse for not wanting to use the potty.  Unfortunately age two brings that sort of thinking....

So, I'm sending good vibes that you can get your LO trained before baby!  It's hard work, for sure.  It's easy to get frustrated too but keep looking at the long-term picture.  Even if there is an accident today, maybe there won't be one tomorrow- or maybe next week!