Postpartum Chat 9/7-9/14 - Page 2 « Back to Group Discussions

[kylaskye]

Carrie, we're pretty blunt with eachother generally, and don't tend to sugar-coat things, but the way he said that pissed me off and I let him know. We're pretty good at letting things go when we say something wrong, and I think I got him to understand the situation yesterday, but it's going to take some more talking and time for everything to get straightened out eventually. 

Thanks to everybody for your support in this. I'm glad I have the resolve to breastfeed no matter the circumstances. DH doesn't want to buy formula so he's going to have to deal with it either way. 

All you mamas who are dealing with more than one kid, I don't know how you do it. I can't even take care of myself with one! I'm sort of getting the hang of doing things one handed, but with Liam being so small and his neck so floppy (not to mention he's squirmy when he's awake) I always feel like I'm about to drop him. I think I went 12 hours without eating (most of that time awake) and I know that's not good, but I couldn't seem to find the time to eat.

[Peony]

Skye- I think he is going to realize soon that EVERYTHING takes more time with kids. For some men, the the first baby, they think that most things will be the same except now you are dragging along this little person, it doesn't work like that but they have to learn that on their own. Hugs until he finally gets it. 

[love4bob]

Skye, does he not like a sling? I don't think I could get much done if I had to be holding him all the time. DH is off for 10 days on paternity leave, so I have a lot of help right now, but it will be hard when he has to go back to work! I have been out with the baby and another kid along a couple times now, and I don't think I could have done it without my wrap. :)

Breast feeding is hurting me!  I was so hoping that he would just have a perfect latch, and it wouldn't hurt like it did last time. DD3 just could not latch correctly, and it made my nipples so so sore. Then when I tried to get her to latch correctly it hurt so bad and was so hard. She didn't breast feed very long at all because it was so painful. I was in tears every time she had to eat!  I am seeing this time going that direction too, and I just want to fix it before I get to the point I was at last time again. I was thinking about getting a nipple shield to protect my sore nipples while he learns to latch correctly, but I have heard bad things about using them, so I don't know! I just don't want to fail at breast feeding again, but it hurts soooooo bad! I would pump and feed, but I can't get anything out with the pump, and it's really inconvenient.

[Beckily]

Originally Posted by love4bob 

Skye, does he not like a sling? I don't think I could get much done if I had to be holding him all the time. DH is off for 10 days on paternity leave, so I have a lot of help right now, but it will be hard when he has to go back to work! I have been out with the baby and another kid along a couple times now, and I don't think I could have done it without my wrap. :)

Breast feeding is hurting me!  I was so hoping that he would just have a perfect latch, and it wouldn't hurt like it did last time. DD3 just could not latch correctly, and it made my nipples so so sore. Then when I tried to get her to latch correctly it hurt so bad and was so hard. She didn't breast feed very long at all because it was so painful. I was in tears every time she had to eat!  I am seeing this time going that direction too, and I just want to fix it before I get to the point I was at last time again. I was thinking about getting a nipple shield to protect my sore nipples while he learns to latch correctly, but I have heard bad things about using them, so I don't know! I just don't want to fail at breast feeding again, but it hurts soooooo bad! I would pump and feed, but I can't get anything out with the pump, and it's really inconvenient.

Before he was a week old, my baby was eating from breast, bottle and shielded nipple. He eats like a pro now. Do what you need to do. They're weird and irritating little things so you'll certainly want to work to not use it anymore, trust me ;)

[Baby_Cakes]

Originally Posted by love4bob 
 I was thinking about getting a nipple shield to protect my sore nipples while he learns to latch correctly, but I have heard bad things about using them, so I don't know! I just don't want to fail at breast feeding again, but it hurts soooooo bad! I would pump and feed, but I can't get anything out with the pump, and it's really inconvenient.

I always say, if it's b/w using a shield and giving up bf'ing, use the shield!  It's good to use only for a short time, and once his latch gets better, you have to start trying to nurse without it.  You're only delaying soreness at that point.  Can you meet with an LC or have one come to your house to check latch?  Or get to an LLL meeting?  Support is EVERYTHING!  You have it here, but IRL it makes such a difference.  

[kylaskye]

Love4bob: He seems to like the sling well enough, but I always seem to have issues getting used to carrying him with it. I need a bit more confidence before I start doing chores with him in it, I think. Especially things like dishes or laundry where I need to do something in front of me, kwim?

[katiemaeeee]

kylaskye - Wow, breastfeeding in public is super challenging, for me. I am already super self-conscious about it and try so hard to not show my nip but in the heat it is really hard to cover with a blanket. I am not comfortable breastfeeding in front of DP's parents even!

I second what PP said about everything taking so much longer with a baby. I knew it would take longer, but I really had no idea how much longer and how much work it takes to get myself and DD ready. And, I have definitely felt very overwhelmed a few times and have taken my frustration out on DP without thinking. The first time I went to the grocery store and tried to do a couple of errands I totally admit that I felt a bit, ummm, suffocated. It was just for a few moments, and I think only because I was so used to only thinking about myself. I don't know, maybe that sounds horrible to say. I feel like I prepared very well for a baby, and I would not change a thing, but still its an adjustment, ykwim? Hmmm. LOTS of changes!!!

For those of you struggling with older siblings, I also can not even imagine how challenging that must be! My goodness, I can barely take care of myself and this little babe!

Also, PP mentioned a sling. I have two slings but they just aren't working for us. I don't feel like DD is secure in them. They probably don't fit right. I have an Infantino front carrier that a friend picked up for me at a yard sale and I am loving it. Its a pain in the ass to get on and get the baby in it, but once she's in it its working great. It makes me really, really want to find the money to get an Ergo!!!

love4bob - I have been using a nipple shield. One of the nurses in the hospital got frustrated with me and said that was the only way DD would nurse because my nipples are "flat". (DD was in for seven days on IV antibiotics so we were stuck there and there was no internet access available.) (Really, my milk had just come in and my breasts were engorged because she had latched perfectly the first couple of days, but anyways. . . ) At first I felt awful about it, but three weeks later we are still using it and I am honestly really liking it. Its different for everybody of course, but its working for us. And, my nipples are finally not sore. And eating is a rewarding experience for us both now. I hated seeing her get so frustrated every time I tried to feed her.

And, AFM - just wanted to complain really quick. Caroline was born August 17. We finally got out of the hospital August 23. DP had to go back to work August 24. August 25 - September 1 we moved 45 minutes away.

I love, love, LOVE our new place. I feel so much safer here.

But, the unpacking . . . we are still living out of boxes!!! DP has been working constantly. And when he hasn't been working he's been cleaning the old apartment so that we can get some of our security deposit back. So, he has been almost NO help. Family helped us with the move, but the unpacking has been almost all on me. And, I've gotta start making phone calls to change our address, and I've been pumping to build up my milk supply for when I go back to work in two weeks (!!!).

I love this new home, but it feels so filthy and cluttered and messy.

I wanted to unpack this morning, but by the time I emptied the litter boxes and washed the dishes . . . DD was hungry AGAIN.

But, it will all get done. SLOWLY, but it'll get done!!! My goodness. Its just hard because DP goes to work all day and he doesn't say much, but I know he comes home and is like, ugh, what has she been doing all day? Oh well. He knows and I know, we're doing what we can. . . it is just slow going.

Oh and, thanks BabyCakes for setting up the social group!! :) Much appreciated!!

[bethany42309]

Thanks Baby_Cakes for setting up the group!

How is everybody with 2 kids making it?

It's been pretty good so far, I mean it's a handful, but not quite as bad as I expected.  Nights are rough though.  My 2 yo is still learning to sleep by herself in her big girl bed so she's up crying sometimes at night too.  Ada is a pretty good sleeper and a pretty content baby as well, so she's pretty easy for the most part.  We've had a couple spells of constipation with her though.  My other DD has never been constipated so at first I had no clue as to what to do.  But it seems if I give her a couple ounces of water in between feedings it makes her go.  Hopefully it stays this easy. 

I've yet to step on a scale since birth.  I'm curious though.  Ada is 3 weeks today.  Oh and I have ankles again!!!  I can finally get in my jeans and it not be too tight on my stomach. 

Well time to get these girls off to bed.  I'm exhausted.

[Peony]

Tired, tired. It is one of those days where you finally get home and are thrilled that you managed to get everyone where they needed to be that day, play group, speech therapy, school pick up, soccer, gymnastics. Exhausted, certainly not feeling like super mom, but hey they are alive! And then your 2 year manages to open his older sister's meds and eat the entire bottle in 2 minutes. Sigh. He is doing ok, waiting for the puking to start though. Guess I won't be going to bed anytime soon.

[jillybeans]

angie, have you called an LC yet? I finally broke down after four kids and called lol. This time I think we have thrush, and I'm so glad I called because it was killing me too. I say go in, see if there is something you are missing (you never know!) and try to get some help. And air those babies out to help them heal when you can! I wish I could give you a big hug, this part just sucks. Breastfeeding has never been easy for me and I hate when I see other people having to hurt too.

Went on a walk tonight for the first time, about two miles. Felt great and the kids had fun! Hating the smoke from all the freaking wildfires though. Ick.

SO the scale won't move. I'm 3 weeks pp tomorrow and I cannot lose more than the 15 I lost originally. I have 20 more to go! UGH! I know I"m still retaining some water as I have pitting and swelling, but it can't be THAT much. I'm one size over pre-preg, and my tummy is gone down a ton thanks to the belly wrapper. My thighs though...they aren't shrinking! I'm eating super healthy too. Give me some ideas mamas! I'm being as active as I can with my prolapse, which unfortunately isn't much! We have a wedding where ALL of our childhood friends will be attending on Oct 8th and I'd like to be somewhat close to that!

[cat13]

Ugh, having a rough day today. Taking abx for mastitis, while praying that the thrush (that we finally got rid of!) doesn't come back. And I just got stung by a centipede twice on my stomach while I was nursing DS. Thank god he didn't get stung! 

[Tear78]

ok, I've gotten really behind, sorry! I just had to jump in and cheer because I got my wedding ring back on last night! Now let's hope I don't swell...

[ursusarctos]

Also sort of shocked at how incredibly slow it is with a baby... Of course I sort of expected it but it actually makes me really pick and choose when I have to go out because it has to be orchestrated around DD's needs and is sort of stressful once we're out in case she wakes up and starts crying. Which she hasn't done... yet. I usually put her in the moby and she falls right asleep but then I have to keep moving or she wakes up pretty quick. I am scared of dealing with a cranky baby in public! Even just a wakeful baby.

So, um, how's everyone's vagina? I ask because just yesterday I got up the nerve to explore a little bit more (I am actually 4.5 weeks pp already...) and honestly it freaked me out. I *feel* pretty normal, like I haven't had pain since pretty much the first week, and I can tell that my stitches have healed, and I can sneeze without peeing now that the weight of the pregnancy is off my pelvic floor. So I expected my vagina to be pretty much how it was before. But no. First of all, it feels like my vagina is sort of... hanging out. Not really, but at the entrance I can feel some of the wall sort of hanging down (not totally out of the opening, but *at* the opening), if that makes sense. Sort of like a hemorrhoid. Is that prolapse? Will it take care of itself? Or is that just how it's going to be from now on? I tried flexing my pelvic floor muscles and could barely feel them without a lot of effort. I sort of assumed they weren't that weakened because they actually feel stronger (i.e. no sneeze peeing). But my finger says otherwise. Also, more minor but still freaky, when I put my finger in I can feel the scar from the tear extending up a few cms into my vagina. Of course that makes sense, but for some reason I always visualized it only being on the "outside". It wasn't a huge tear, it only got 4 stiches, so maybe that's why I didn't expect to feel such an obvious scar. I'm guessing that will fade somewhat over time?

Anyway sorry for the tmi but I'm a little surprised and a bit unsettled. I just didn't have any idea really of what to expect and since I didn't tear badly or have a hard pushing stage and my recovery has been so good I just didn't expect to notice this level of... damage? difference? a whole month pp.

[SynEpona]

Originally Posted by Tear78 

ok, I've gotten really behind, sorry! I just had to jump in and cheer because I got my wedding ring back on last night! Now let's hope I don't swell...

I got mine on last week, wore it for a week, took it off to colour my hair, and the next morning -- it wouldn't go on! I think the humidity here is working against me. Glad yours is back on :)

[Baby_Cakes]

re: weight/size - I'm still huge.  UGH.  I bought an embarrassingly huge size of jeans at Target and OMG the muffin top.  It's hideous!!  I've resigned myself to yoga pants for another month at least.  NO WAY am I going to get into anything respectable anytime soon.  Oh well.  And Jill and everyone else stressing over it - don't!  It took a long time to put this weight on, it'll come off eventually.  But not in a month or so!!  We do need to be patient, give our bodies time and the respect they need to heal, and just love our bodies the way they are NOW.  They did good things!!  They birthed healthy FULL TERM *AHEM* babies!!  It felt awful to be huge and pregnant and it feels slightly more awful to be huge and NOT pregnant, but this is just one season in life.  Our babies are here, they were totally worth the gain, and everyone KNOWS we just had babies.  We get cut a little slack, I think.

I blame the media for making us think we need to look pre-pregnancy hot mere weeks after giving birth.  That's not normal!! 

re:vaginas - i refuse to look, but i did feel around.  Where i tore is still really stingy.  Everything is swollen slightly, but getting there.  It takes time for that stuff to heal, too!!  All those flaps, walls, and bits that feel out of place will shrink back where they belong, i wouldnt worry.

tear-- awesome about your ring!!  I havent tried mine.  I think im still too overweight for it to fit! LOL!!

[kylaskye]

Re: weight - I've lost about 30lbs, I think. That puts me around 10 above where I started out at. I can fit into my pre-preg fat jeans, but I tried on a normal sized pair and they wouldn't go past my hips about 4 days ago. I've been too scared to try again just yet, but I might do that later on. 

re: vaginas - Mine feels pretty good. I didn't tear or even have a skid mark, so I just needed to heal from the stretching. There are times when it hurts to put pressure on it, though. I haven't checked inside but the outside feels pretty normal, at least. 

afm: Still need these hemorhoids to go away. I know I haven't been doing everything I should to take care of them, but they're managable as is. I just don't like having them. So sexy.

Also, I've been dreaming about sex with DH again. I'm so emotionally ready. I just know that I can't right now because I'm still bleeding, and I'm sure that I'm not fully healed yet. 

[Peony]

Still fat here. Exactly 21 lbs above and it is not budging at all. I've got a huge pair of jeans that work but yeah, the muffin top. 

[SynEpona]

OY! I forgot that the 'social group' was here ... I need to add it to my 'home tabs' so it opens on it's own!
 

Originally Posted by ursusarctos 
I am scared of dealing with a cranky baby in public! Even just a wakeful baby.

You'll find that most people are not as annoyed by infants crying as you (or any mom!) thinks they are. In fact, in my local grocery market, a crying baby is quite the star attraction ... all the grandmas out shopping flock to see her! If she's silent I can sneak past them sometimes. It takes forever to get my groceries otherwise, b/c every one of them wants to talk to her. Everyone knows that babies cry :) and most people are quite understanding of infant meltdowns & exhausted mamas trying to deal with them.

Originally Posted by jillybeans 
SO the scale won't move. I'm 3 weeks pp tomorrow and I cannot lose more than the 15 I lost originally. I have 20 more to go!

I know! My scale is stuck at 22 - 24 lb down and will not go anywhere. The good news is that the remaining weight is moving around each day, but there is at least 20 lbs I'd prefer to see vanish instead. The shifting has been enough to get me into my pre-baby 'fat' jeans.

Originally Posted by Peony 

Tired, tired. It is one of those days where you finally get home and are thrilled that you managed to get everyone where they needed to be that day, play group, speech therapy, school pick up, soccer, gymnastics. Exhausted, certainly not feeling like super mom, but hey they are alive! And then your 2 year manages to open his older sister's meds and eat the entire bottle in 2 minutes. Sigh. He is doing ok, waiting for the puking to start though. Guess I won't be going to bed anytime soon.

Peony, big HUGS. You always sound like 'super-mom', even if you don't feel like it. Just getting all those kiddos to the right places is a big enough job, the fact they they are all alive as well ... totally super-mom-cape-deserving. I hope today is a better day!

Originally Posted by katiemaeeee 

kylaskye - Wow, breastfeeding in public is super challenging, for me.

Also, PP mentioned a sling. I have two slings but they just aren't working for us. I don't feel like DD is secure in them. They probably don't fit right.

BFng in public gets easier the more you do it! But, check around your mall etc. to see if there are BFing rooms ... we have them here and they are nice usually with a rocking chair or two, an attached bathroom & a change table. Some even have playpens if you have a toddler that needs to be contained. It's sort of nursing in public, but in an 'entry level' way. Usually the only 'public' you'll see is another mama in the same boat!

Originally Posted by Baby_Cakes 

I always say, if it's b/w using a shield and giving up bf'ing, use the shield!  It's good to use only for a short time, and once his latch gets better, you have to start trying to nurse without it.  You're only delaying soreness at that point.  Can you meet with an LC or have one come to your house to check latch?  Or get to an LLL meeting?  Support is EVERYTHING!  You have it here, but IRL it makes such a difference.  

Originally Posted by Peony 

Skye- I think he is going to realize soon that EVERYTHING takes more time with kids. For some men, the the first baby, they think that most things will be the same except now you are dragging along this little person, it doesn't work like that but they have to learn that on their own. Hugs until he finally gets it. 

For us, DH did a great job understanding things with DS 4 1/2 years ago. This time, he seems to have forgotten how long things take with a NB, as well as how little housework I can really fit into a day ... I can usually EITHER mop the floor OR load/run/unload the dishwasher, not both. I can EITHER do some laundry OR tidy up a room with DS after a full day of play (WHY do little boys love Playmobil & Lego and other things with a million small pieces?!)

Anyway, he's re-learning all this now, especially when he holds Cate and all of sudden can't do anything else.
 

[Chaika]

Still fat here, too.  I finally got weighed when I went to see the midwife yesterday.  I'm down 25lbs, which means 25 to go.  It's been a month since I had the baby.  I tried on some size 12 jeans at Walmart last night and they barely fit (I used to be a size 6).  Found some nursing bras - 38D!!! I used to be a 34B. Also, the lighting and mirrors in the dressing room were not kind to me.  It was a bit traumatic. 

I've been going for walks daily with the baby in the Ergo.  I hope I continue to lose weight before my sister's wedding in a month.

[SouthernStormy]

re- babies in public- we've taken Magnolia out several times already and so far, so good. I'm sure it will get more difficult as she has more awake time. Usually when we take her out she just sleeps through the entire outing. Wednesday night we took her out to a wing restaurant/sports bar, so its pretty loud. I don't have a wrap yet, so we just took the bouncy seat to put her in while we ate. There was a girl at the table behind us that had turned 18 and the entire staff came out singing happy birthday and shaking coins in hard plastic cups (basically being as loud as possible) and she slept through the entire thing. The manager came over and apologized right after and we let her know it wasn't a big deal.

Re- weight- I've lost about 20 and have btwn 15-20 to go before I'm at my prepregnancy weight and I'm going to really have to work to get those last pounds off. Due to the csection I've had to take it easy and haven't worked out yet. Since I don't drive so therefore rarely leave the apartment, I'm in pj pants and tshirts most of the days. I wear my maternity pants when I go out, or a sundress.




So I though DH and I were doing really well relationship wise, much better than we were doing during pregnancy. But last night we got into it (well mostly HE did, I didn't really know what to say). He kept saying that I'm emotionally unavailable and if we don't start depending on each other emotionally then this relationship will be miserable and if he sees bad stuff when he goes overseas and I'm not emotionally supportive of him when he gets back then he'll probably do something bad. Because of the childhood I had, I learned to be independent and not depend on others, because others so often let you down. I know I have some issues to work on, but I don't think the situation is nearly as bad as he was making it out to be.