how to teach toddler that everything doesnt belong to her?

[teddysmomma]

Recently my baby has been declaring everything "MINE" and i'm having trouble teaching her how to respect the property of others.

She will grab pretty much anything, such as my phone or camera, and when i ask for it back she yells "NU" and swiftly turns away.

Thanks in advance for any help

[katelove]

How old is your LO? During the early toddler period they don't really understand the concept of ownership. As they get older (beyond 18 months) they may start to understand but the impulse control and desire are still going to be present.

My LO is 15 months old. For things she really may not have, such as my prescription glasses, we try to keep them out of her reach and sight as much as possible. If I slip up and she does get them I ask her for them back once. If she doesn't return them I gently remove them from her hands and offer her something else. If she is upset, I empathise "You really want the glasses don't you. I wish you could have them too" and apologise for leaving them out. She is now at the point where, 9 times out of 10 she will immediately bring them to me if I leave them in my bag and she finds them. I always thank her if she does that.

For things she is allowed to have, such as my wallet, I consistently enforce the rules. In this case, she can have my wallet at home but not when we're out. When we're out I try to keep it out of her sight as much as possible but, if she gets upset then I do the empathy/distraction/substitution as with the glasses. I also explain why she can't have it - "the cards will get lost and I need them".

Can she have her own phone/camera etc? Do you have any old ones? We made J her own bunch of keys which she loves and my mum has filled an old wallet of her with cards she doesn't need anymore. When I replace my phone I intend to give her my current one, although she may not want it once the battery is flat and it won't do anything 

[teddysmomma]

My little one is also 15 months, and she is the cutest little baby =D

I will upload a picture of her shortly.

I think consistently enforcing the rules is very important, although I do forget at times. I was a single mother for the summer, as my significant other was away on business in hong kong, but we got her a doll (her "bobo") which I am trying to use as a replacement for my own items.

Thanks for your advice, and I hope to see her behaviour improve =D

[lovepickles]

I've come to accept that everything belongs to DD when she sees it. Anything we don't want her to have we keep out of her sight. We use our phone lock and just give it to her. We take batteries out of remotes and watch her until she gets bored then hide them again. Her interest passes so quickly it just isn't worth it to discourage her curiosity. DD is 20 months and way to young to learn about rules and ownership. She doesn't understand why so there is no point in torturing us both with policing any activity that is non-fatal.

[JudiAU]

Assuming she is a young toddler, I wouldn't bother. She is too young to understand ownership and you will just engage in a pointless battle. I would just take it away and redirect, using words about ownership if you prefer.

[katelove]

Originally Posted by lovepickles 

I've come to accept that everything belongs to DD when she sees it. Anything we don't want her to have we keep out of her sight. We use our phone lock and just give it to her. We take batteries out of remotes and watch her until she gets bored then hide them again. Her interest passes so quickly it just isn't worth it to discourage her curiosity. DD is 20 months and way to young to learn about rules and ownership. She doesn't understand why so there is no point in torturing us both with policing any activity that is non-fatal.

 Yep, that is pretty much us too. I do have to hide some things though. Like the remote for the roller door!

[ThreeTwoFive]

DS (23 mo) stole a cherry tomato at the farmer's market the other day.  I made him take it back.  The vendor said, "Oh, he can have some!" and started filling a bag for him.  I explained that getting tomatoes because he took one without permission is _not_ a great reason to give him more.  :)

At 15 mo it's really just redirect and repeat.  And so cool that the concept of ownership is developing in the first place.  Now you can play with, "That's mommy's broccoli!  Well, okay, I'll share."  And then work on "my turn!" (Except he keeps climbing into the car and yelling "My turn to drive!")

[teddysmomma]

I've been taking the advice of everyone, but my toddler is being very difficult. She will smack me with her tiny arms and yell when I don't pay attention to her, and is beginning to demand more and more attention. The other day she was squealing at everyone we passed by on the street, embarassing my SO . It was even more embarassing due to the fact that she is a teddy.
Thank you so much!

[mamazee]

Toddlers only understand possession, not ownership, so "mine" means either "I possess that at this time" or "I want to possess that." It does not mean "I own that" because they don't understand the concept of owning things.

[coffeegirl]

Originally Posted by teddysmomma 

I've been taking the advice of everyone, but my toddler is being very difficult. She will smack me with her tiny arms and yell when I don't pay attention to her, and is beginning to demand more and more attention. The other day she was squealing at everyone we passed by on the street, embarassing my SO . It was even more embarassing due to the fact that she is a teddy.
Thank you so much!

Sounds like a normal kiddo in between that baby-toddler age. My girl is 13 months and she's VERY even-tempered, but in the past two months or so she's started throwing little mini-tantrums about things. Before, she only really cried when she was hungry, tired, hurt, etc. Now she cries when a toy is dropped, or when I take her out of the bathtub and she wants to stay in, or when we take something away from her that she can't have.

We've started using "no" or "hush" with her (in a very calm, firm voice) when she starts on some of her tantrums. Like if we're in public and she starts the shrill whining about something that we just can't give in to her about. I know a lot of people here don't like saying "no", but for us we've found that it actually works. I think mostly because we never raise our voice to her normally and this surprises and distracts her for a second, long enough to get her focused on something else.

This is the exception, though. Most of the time, at her age and at your LO's age, I think this is just what they're going to do. They're just now learning how to express their frustration.

Also, just curious....what do you mean when you say "It was even more embarassing due to the fact that she is a teddy"? :) Does that just mean, she's cute and cuddly like a teddy bear? Or is it a colloquialism for something else?