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On going back to work/school - Page 2

post #21 of 165

I can't manage to find the time to pump. I have about 25oz stored up, but Liam won't sleep unless he's on me and I can't figure out how to pump and hold him at the same time. Pumping and nursing at the same time seems impossible to me, as well.

post #22 of 165

oh god no, i could not pump and nurse in a million years - sofie squirms so much and i m not 100% awake, we would both be bathing in milk :-)

 

she finishes one boob, and i offer her the other one...if she rejects i know i can pump soon :) sometimes she just will skip both. 

i wake up dh enough to let him know it will be him and the baby alone in the bed so he cuddles w her. i leave all the pumping gear next to my chair in the living room so when i get up it is ready to go..i do not turn on lights, just opening the laptop gives me enough light without waking me up too much. afterwards i stick the bottle and all the flange etc attached to it in the fridge to deal w in the morning. so i try to minimize brain requiring activity.

 

if you are prone to clogged ducts be careful not to have the same boob staying full all the time - i did make that mistake once.

i hope we will both get some freezer supply to feel good, soon.

 

if others have different ways of filling up their freezers, i hope they will share since i dont know what to do if she starts nursing on both like she does in day time!

post #23 of 165

thanks, I'll try that tonight!

post #24 of 165
Thread Starter 

Anyone in the process of looking for childcare?  I would love to commiserate (sp?) on that one.  I've figured out that I don't know how to trust anyone.

post #25 of 165

Sigh. You just have to. Talk to other families, get their input. Check references, back ground check if it is a sitter/nanny. It is hard though. I have a new nanny starting next week. I loved our last one and the kids adored her, so we shall see how this goes. I can't use centers because of my varied schedule, multiple kids and what I actually need done so a person in my house works the best. I was a witness to a severe accident to a child as a result of the actions of a worker at a day care center years ago, I was there observing the children.  It turned into a nasty lawsuit, court case. It took me years when I had kids to trust anyone after that. But I've come to realize that most people in childcare do it because they really do love children. My kids have always been treated with great respect and like they were that person's children. We've never had a single incident and I have had a revolving door of providers over the years because we can't keep anyone. No fault of mine, they move, have an injury, another one moves, goes to back to school, on and on. This will be 5th one this year and last year wasn't any better. greensad.gif Mostly it is my area, high COL, people change jobs frequently, or have 3 jobs to make ends meet and move away or move to a neighboring town for cheaper housing and then don't want to commute anymore. It is a very transient area. 

post #26 of 165


 

Quote:
Originally Posted by Peony View Post

 I was a witness to a severe accident to a child as a result of the actions of a worker at a day care center years ago, I was there observing the children.  

aah, soo i am loosing some sleep over this issue, we have until january but we need to start now to get into one..would you elaborate on this in terms of things to avoid. was the person not qualified, the ratio of kids to care takers off? 

post #27 of 165

Daycare. That's a difficult one. DS2 will be going to the same place I've been sending DS1 since he was 4 months old. I'm not too happy with the place but it is one of two places in this area that takes infants and the other one is through head start, for which we narrowly exceed the income guidelines. DS1 loves his daycare, though, and in the last few weeks it has been a godsend since it keeps him fed and happy.

 

However, my reservations about the daycare are primarily b/c of philosophical differences - I don't believe in scholastic learning (numbers, letters, etc.) for toddlers and I wish other parents would bring in higher quality food - and not so much b/c the people working there do anything or much wrong. They love kids and they enjoy spending their days working at the daycare. They are all certified with college degrees in Early Childhood Ed. They keep up-to-date by attending workshops and classes. The daycare is certified by the state, and it's clean. The kids play outside year-round for 1-3 hours/day. They make lunches/snacks from scratch. They teach the children to respect each other. These things are the minimum of what I would expect to see in a decent daycare.

 

I sometimes have my moments of distrust but after 2 years I've learnt that these moments have a lot to do with feeling guilty that I'm sending my son to daycare for 40 hours/week. It's impossible for me not to work, both financially but even more so emotionally, but that doesn't free me of mama-guilt and of being critical of how the daycare deals w/ DS1.

post #28 of 165

I don't know what the ratios were back then, this was 11+ years ago before I had children and knew anything about daycares. I do know it was considered one of the few quality centers in the area. I was sent there in nursing school to observe developmental stages of children. A worker got clearly annoyed at a toddler who was being difficult and started picking up dress up clothes off the floor very aggressively while continuing to argue with the child, she wasn't paying attention to the other kids.  Another child was standing on one of the clothes and was sent flying across the room when the worker snatched up it. He ended up with a unstable pelvic fracture and had to be placed in traction at the hospital for quite some time. She was fired but the parents sued her and the center. 

 

 

When I had kids I freaked out about leaving them after that. I had planned to return to work but literally quit the day before I supposed to go back, I just couldn't do it.  I didn't leave DD1 with anyone that wasn't a family member until she was 6! I went back to work when my DS1 was a baby and had to make peace with other people caring for my children.

 

 

post #29 of 165
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Peony View Post

Sigh. You just have to. Talk to other families, get their input. Check references, back ground check if it is a sitter/nanny. It is hard though. I have a new nanny starting next week. I loved our last one and the kids adored her, so we shall see how this goes. I can't use centers because of my varied schedule, multiple kids and what I actually need done so a person in my house works the best. I was a witness to a severe accident to a child as a result of the actions of a worker at a day care center years ago, I was there observing the children.  It turned into a nasty lawsuit, court case. It took me years when I had kids to trust anyone after that. But I've come to realize that most people in childcare do it because they really do love children. My kids have always been treated with great respect and like they were that person's children. We've never had a single incident and I have had a revolving door of providers over the years because we can't keep anyone. No fault of mine, they move, have an injury, another one moves, goes to back to school, on and on. This will be 5th one this year and last year wasn't any better. greensad.gif Mostly it is my area, high COL, people change jobs frequently, or have 3 jobs to make ends meet and move away or move to a neighboring town for cheaper housing and then don't want to commute anymore. It is a very transient area. 


Ok, so I wonder which is better?  Center or in home care?  I will have a crazy nursing school schedule needing to drop DD off and p/u at random times, but I'm also worried about high turnover as you mention-- I don't want DD to get attached to someone and then have them up and quit!  I also need consistency with school-- I can't have someone quitting on me mid-semester. I had that happen last year with my DS.  There's a reputable day care center directly across the street from the college.

 

I did find a lady willing to watch DD at her house-- she isn't a formal daycare provider, but she is an attachement-parenting mother of 3 boys, a postpartum doula, a LMT specializing in infant massage, and she homeschools (unschools) her boys.  I found her on my local attachment parenting yahoo group.  We get along great and she seems like a wonderful person.  So do I put all my eggs in her basket or should I keep looking?  The problem is that I was kind of hoping to find someone that will come to my house, watch the baby, and maybe even pick my DS up from school a couple times a week if I can't get his grandpa to do it.  With this lady, I can drop DD off over there but I'm on my own with someone to watch DS.  And I worry that she might have too much going on with handling her children, working on her career, etc.  She's great, but is she the best fit for us??

 

Oh, I'm so lost!  Thanks for letting me rant about this.  And thanks for sharing your own experiences.  I did the same thing with DS-- had found a day care provider prior to delivering my son, then when it was time to head back to work I changed my mind-- just couldn't do it.  I ended up working very part time for the next 2 1/2 years while finishing prerequisites for nursing school.  this time around it isn't an option.  I have to either finish school or go to work ($$ reasons).

 

post #30 of 165
Quote:
Originally Posted by cakemama579 View Post




Ok, so I wonder which is better?  Center or in home care?  I will have a crazy nursing school schedule needing to drop DD off and p/u at random times, but I'm also worried about high turnover as you mention-- I don't want DD to get attached to someone and then have them up and quit!  I also need consistency with school-- I can't have someone quitting on me mid-semester. I had that happen last year with my DS.  There's a reputable day care center directly across the street from the college.

 

I did find a lady willing to watch DD at her house-- she isn't a formal daycare provider, but she is an attachement-parenting mother of 3 boys, a postpartum doula, a LMT specializing in infant massage, and she homeschools (unschools) her boys.  I found her on my local attachment parenting yahoo group.  We get along great and she seems like a wonderful person.  So do I put all my eggs in her basket or should I keep looking?  The problem is that I was kind of hoping to find someone that will come to my house, watch the baby, and maybe even pick my DS up from school a couple times a week if I can't get his grandpa to do it.  With this lady, I can drop DD off over there but I'm on my own with someone to watch DS.  And I worry that she might have too much going on with handling her children, working on her career, etc.  She's great, but is she the best fit for us??

 

Oh, I'm so lost!  Thanks for letting me rant about this.  And thanks for sharing your own experiences.  I did the same thing with DS-- had found a day care provider prior to delivering my son, then when it was time to head back to work I changed my mind-- just couldn't do it.  I ended up working very part time for the next 2 1/2 years while finishing prerequisites for nursing school.  this time around it isn't an option.  I have to either finish school or go to work ($$ reasons).

 



Nursing school certainly creates it's own set of childcare issues! The random hours that you mentioned. Can the center handle the hours? Or will you have to find in between care? With the lady I can see one problem, what if your child is sick or her kids are ill? What happens then? Because missing something because of that isn't an option in most nursing programs. And then with the center, the same thing, if your child is ill, what is a plan B? 

 

 

I would suggest not putting your eggs all in one basket because of that. You might have one place/person that does most of the care but certainly line up back ups and other options. I didn't have kids in nursing school but a lot of my classmates did, most had several child care arrangements because not one person or place could handle all the hours and needs. I still keep lists of other sitters that I can call in a pinch because it never fails, I have an important meeting and my sitter falls ill. I know their regular schedule and call the ones that might be available and work my way down the list. 

 

 

My struggle to keep a sitter seems to be odd, most keep them longer then I do. Although from knowing lot of parents in my area, it seems common here. People  come here thinking they can make ends meet and then can't and move away or they end up with 2-3 jobs to pay the rent. I'm hoping my new one will stick around, her shortest job was 6 months and that was working for a woman that was OCD. Her other families she has stayed with for years. Crossing my fingers. My girls are 8 and 4 and have been fine with all the sitters but my 2y DS1 gets VERY attached to them, he does bond quickly with the the new ones but I just hate that people he loves keep leaving his life. 

post #31 of 165

i found out there there is a new montessorie (sp?) school opening where we are (well more like 20 min drive up the mountain but so worth it if it s a good one) so, we will go check it out during their open house this sunday. The may be a good alternative for after when she is 6 months and they are taking in infants.

 

A friend of mine gave us a great advice interms of hiring someone to take care of the baby  - get two baby sitters. I guess one would be the main one, and the second would be the one that does 2 days a week or something. that way, if something was to go wrong with one of them, there is already an established relationship with the other it is just a matter of negotiating extending their hours etc. Sounds great in theory  but having to interview for two is not something i am uber looking forward to.

 

thank you for sharing your experiences ladies. I guess the "human factor" is not something we can escape in this case regardless of how well trained individuals are. 

 

to be perfectly honest, I think part of my intimidation with this process stems from the guilt i feel deep down about leaving her with other people. We have no choice but I think it is healthy to acknowledge where feelings are coming from too. 

 

How is everyone already back to work doing?

post #32 of 165

This has been my first week back to work and it has gone ok.  The nanny I have is amazing, so I have no worries there.  But I am stressed, tired, and I miss my baby.  Last night I came home and the poor baby screamed her head off for about an hour before going to sleep.  That is not like her at all.  I really think she is starting to miss me when I'm gone and then she just unwinds on me when I get home (I get home at 11pm, so not a fun time to deal with a baby meltdown).  The way she stares and stares at me when I get home makes me feel sooo guilty.  She seems so aware of what's going on already.

 

I second having one or two additional sitters.  Besides my nanny, I have a handful of back up sitters just in case.  I will probably never need all of them.  But I trust them 100% and it feels good knowing that I always have somebody that can watch the baby in a pinch if I need it. 

post #33 of 165

I am heading back next week and DS is still not on a bottle.  I've decided to stay local and work less hours.  We are hoping he takes the bottle this week otherwise DH will be bringing him down to me to nurse...or just hanging out at work with me which won't be a lot of fun for either of them.

post #34 of 165

Hawaiian Blessing - we were having the same issue with a bottle and I am also going back to work this week.

 

Against all advice, I gave her a few bottles myself and tried different bottles and nipples and found that she liked AVENT and she has taken them great since then. No nipple confusion at all, she still loves the bewb.

 

CakeMama - also having severe anxiety about finding childcare. I interviewed everywhere I could find and took my Mom's advice, to trust my instinct and the choice was SO much easier. Only one of the five places I visited did the women actually pay attention to the baby. This one place the women were clearly very interested in the baby and all the other details seemed to just fit. Still scarey, but I am feeling much less anxious! :)

 

I don't know how I am going to function on NO sleep at work though . . . UGH.

 

Best of luck ladies, we can do it!!! :D

post #35 of 165
Thread Starter 


 

Quote:
Originally Posted by katiemaeeee View Post

Hawaiian Blessing - we were having the same issue with a bottle and I am also going back to work this week.

 

Against all advice, I gave her a few bottles myself and tried different bottles and nipples and found that she liked AVENT and she has taken them great since then. No nipple confusion at all, she still loves the bewb.

 

CakeMama - also having severe anxiety about finding childcare. I interviewed everywhere I could find and took my Mom's advice, to trust my instinct and the choice was SO much easier. Only one of the five places I visited did the women actually pay attention to the baby. This one place the women were clearly very interested in the baby and all the other details seemed to just fit. Still scarey, but I am feeling much less anxious! :)

 

I don't know how I am going to function on NO sleep at work though . . . UGH.

 

Best of luck ladies, we can do it!!! :D


Katie, so glad you found both a bottle and childcare you are comfortable with!  what a stress relief!  I think it is a great sign that they paid attention to baby--something that should go without saying, but is actually kind of rare!

 

AFM, DD has an affinity for Tommy Tippee bottles (spelling?), but we are still in search of perfect childcare.  This morning I will be dropping by a daycare center that has a fabulous reputation but is way out of my price range.  Friday I'm meeting with the lady I mentioned before to find out how serious she is, etc., and i have an ad out on care.com to hopefully attract the perfect nanny.  Hoping we find someone soon and that my eye twitch goes away (lol I always get them when I am stressed!)

 

post #36 of 165

Rafe took a bottle today for DH.  I fed & changed him then ran an errand.  I guess 10 min before I got home he started screaming so with no boob in sight or smell he caved and took the bottle eat.gif.  DH also figured out he wasn't putting it far enough in his mouth.  Bittersweet I guess but it still makes me kind of sad.  greensad.gif

post #37 of 165
Quote:
Originally Posted by HawaiianBlesing View Post

Rafe took a bottle today for DH.  I fed & changed him then ran an errand.  I guess 10 min before I got home he started screaming so with no boob in sight or smell he caved and took the bottle eat.gif.  DH also figured out he wasn't putting it far enough in his mouth.  Bittersweet I guess but it still makes me kind of sad.  greensad.gif

 

Glad to hear Rafe took the bottle.  Can I ask how many times you had tried before?  Today was our first try with the bottle, and it didn't go well.  I hope we didn't wait too long, River's 6 1/2 weeks old and I go back to work in a week and a half.  DH will try again tomorrow, maybe if I'm out of the house it will go better. 

 

post #38 of 165

Cat13; I dont think 61/2 weeks is too long to wait. My LLL group leader told me to wait for at least 6 weeks before trying. We tried once at 6 weeks - she did eh, and we tried after I had fed her so she was not super hungry. I wanted to start that way so in case she does not like the specific bottle or something she would not get very frustrated right off the bat. Than we tried again right around 7 weeks, this time when she is hungry (using the same bottle) and it worked fine. 

 

My LLL group told me to work on "paced bottle feeding" - well not me but for DH, when he is taking care of her. Anyone else working on this? I am wondering if this will make it a little frustrating for caregivers who would want to get the feeding done with?

 

Katiemaee what awesome news! I am very happy that you found a caregiver you are ok with! way to go mama!

post #39 of 165

We waited till he was 8 weeks hide.gif.  We are using the breastflow bottles.  The first time he was kind of hungry but not too hungry.  DH gave him the bottle but I was sitting right next to him in bed.  DH was a little timid with the placement so Rafe just kind of moved it around with his tongue.  He did take a bit but it wasn't like he was actually drinking from it. 

I decided to run an errand.  I made sure he was fed and changed before I left.  I was gone less than an hour (at least I think).  My husband said he got really hungry and started screaming so he made him a bottle.  He drank about 1 oz before he fell asleep, so I'm guessing he was mostly tired and just a bit hungry.


From what I've read, it's easier to let another someone give the bottle.  You may have to leave the room or the house entirely.  They sometimes just won't take the bottle if they can sense the boobs. 
 

post #40 of 165

The baby paced feeding sounds just like the instructions we were looking at on Kellymom.  I also have no idea how it will actually play out, but I'm glad to know there are some methods out there to discourage DS from getting bottle preference... it's a big fear of mine.

 

I'm glad to hear that we didn't wait too long either, I think we just have to be a little more persistent with it.... and maybe without me to swoop in when he is crying too much.  OK, so I'm deciding to look at this as a good thing, maybe I'll go to the county pool and do some laps or walk around Target for an hour... and just let DH and DS figure it out together. I totally trust DH and he is a great dad, but it's still hard to let go of what is supposed to be my job...

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