We are FINALLY getting to the last stages of our divorce proceedings.
The kids are 10,9 and 6.
We were married for 10 years. He has Narcissistic Personality Disorder. He was emotionally and psychologically abusive to me during our marriage. Including having an affair which lasted 7 of the 10 years we were married, probably longer.
I was the primary caregiver for our children. I was a SAHM when I could be, and worked as a nurse off-shifts so I could be home for them during waking hours.
I went back to work 2 weeks after my last baby was born because he didn't have a job. When we were married he worked only 2 out of 10 years. Otherwise, he was an "independent contractor".
He got a job this last spring after we had been separated for over 6 months. Prior to that, he lived with his parents and didn't work. He finally got his own apartment in April/May of this year.
Since our separation he has them every Weds overnight and every other weekend. He was paying me $200/week child support without an order up until 2 weeks ago.
This is when he decided he wanted 50/50 visitation. Over 14 days we each have the kids 7 days, with no more than 3 days between visits. Of course, this hasn't been implemented yet.
He gives no reason for this. My guess is that he doesn't want to pay chilld support.
I was laid off 2 weeks ago and am going back to school. I've cut my expenses way back, living in a small but comfortable home, driving a small, paid-off vehicle etc etc.
He is moving from an apartment he pays $1300/month for to a 3500sf house at $2200/month. He has a $780/month truck payment. He claims he makes 50k a year. He is moving in with his girlfriend and her 3 kids which she has 50/50 visitation with. IMO, he is living beyond his means (which he has always done) and just doesn't want to pay me.
I am adamantly opposed to the 50/50 visitation because I don't think it's good for school aged kids. They need a "home base". I am the primary caregiver and would still remain responsible for all the "detail" type parenting tasks. It's always been deferred to me. He's helpless.
He is talking to the kids about it. Telling them that I was trying to keep him from seeing them, trying to take them away. Last night he was asking them if they wanted 50/50 or wanted to keep things how they are. I think it's ENTIRELY inappropriate for him to be talking to them about this stuff. I respectfully asked him to stop. He says their input counts and "someone" needs to speak up for them.
I have retained an attorney this week and we have a 4-way meeting next week before a Pre-Trial hearing. Is it possible that the courts will be ok with his proposed arrangement? What can I do to mitigate the damage he is causing them by talking to them about these "grown up" issues?!
He has always manipulated me and is doing it to the kids now. Is that considered abusive?
Thanks for reading.