Best spacing between kids? - Page 2

[Devaskyla]

I have 3y 11mths & 3y 7mths spacing with my oldest 3. I love it. And my eldest 2 play really well together. Ds1 is very bossy, but he was even before he had a younger sibling. He was the 3yr old herding the 18mth olds back to their parents.

This next spacing will only be 2y 10mths. I already don't like it, it feels way too close. Ds3 still seems so young to me. He still nurses for naps & to sleep & to wake up. He's still not potty trained..he could be, he just won't. He's still very much a mama's boy. I feel like I'm stealing something from him.

[gitanamama]

Great thread---we've been thinking about this a lot lately and going back and forth. As others have said, there are advantages and disadvantages to both. I want my kiddos to be close enough in age to relate but far enough apart that they both get to be "babies" for as long as they need. My menses still haven't returned (my 16 month old breastfeeds around the clock) so I take that as a sign from my body that I'm not ready for #2 yet. And I also try to remind myself that spacing can only be partially planned. It took me awhile to get pregnant with my son and I had one miscarriage before his pregnancy so I know from experience that I only have so much control over when our next will be born. 

[~Adorkable~]

one thing i think about is when they are older, i was in a household with a sister a decade younger, a step brother that was basically my twin and a brother 2 years older and a sister that was 3 years older, i know there was other factors but i certainly related to them all very different in large part because of our ages.

• my younger sister was a totally different generation to us back then, i changed her diapers and was paid to babysit her, we actually are the closest now, but she is in her late 20's so it very different and unimportant our ages now.

• my "twin brother" and i had the same friends and he dated girls i knew, this was good and bad, usually just frustrating, but we did feel close at times,  like it was us against the rest of the house, i hope my real twins do at least as good

• my brother that was 2 years older was the best, he was "older and cool" but not so much older that i could not hang our with him, and he tolerated me tagging along often and with grace, i learned a ton from being around him, we are still very friendly

• my sister that was 3 years older, she is the one that the age thing hurt us i think, she "parented" me too much and i was in her way since it was not age appropriate for me to do most of the things she was doing, but i of course wanted to anyway. we pretty much stopped hanging out by the time she went to middle school and never got close again.

now im sure there are a lot of personalities and other factors that led to each of these relationships, but i do see the age effect.

So while i think of the needs of my babies and my wishes about juggling infants and diapers and toilet training, i am doing my best to also take in account teenage years, once they get thru that i feel age matters very little, but middle school thru the start of college is such a formative age for the relations that siblings will keep with them for life, it seems smart to keep it in mind.

i used to say i wanted wither twins or them 5 years apart so they never had to endure high school together, well i got my twins (how strange) and now i feel like having them 5 years apart puts a barrier between them that has them miss out out on lots of what is great about siblings. im starting to think 2 years give or take might be my sweet spot (now i just get to tell the universe i have made plans, HAHA)

[jacksmom0115]

I've been wondering this, too. I had a hard first 3 months with Jack, but now things are great! He's 8 months and I've been wondering "when." Things will never be right financially, that's for sure...but I do want them to be close in age. The more I think about it, the more I think I'd like to want to TTC until mid-next year, so when he's about 18 months. However, I WILL be taking a preg test next week as I may be pregnant now...sigh...then I guess it will have to be the right time.