So dd's 7th b-day is coming up in a week. Last week I asked her who she wanted to invite and she made a list of friends (family friends and friends from school).
Here's the problem...
I have a good friend (we've been friends since high school and were roommates at University) who is on sabbatical and has moved to our city for the year. He has two sons who are 6 and 4. Dd has known them her whole life, but we only see them once in a while (once or twice a year). Since they've moved here she hasn't really been getting along with the 6yo for whatever reason (they used to get along fine), but does enjoy playing with the 4yo.
While we were making the list I thought of these friends and asked if she wanted to invite the boys. She said she wanted to invite the 4yo but she didn't want to invite the 6yo. I said if we invited the 4yo we had to invite his brother too or he would be really sad, so she said she just wouldn't invite either of them. I talked with her a bit about how they had just moved here, moved away from all their friends, and it might be kind to invite them, etc, etc, but she insisted that she really didn't want to invite the 6yo.
Now, part of me thinks that it's her party - she can invite who she want. I don't know if I can see myself forcing her to invite someone to her b-day.
But, on the other hand, mutual friends *are* invited to the party. It's v. possible that this family will find out about the party. If they do then both the boys, AND their parents will probably feel hurt (esp since the dad is a good friend of mine, and the mom is a pretty good friend too). Basically, I feel bad about not inviting them. I also think that if we did invite them then on the day of the party she'd be so busy having fun, playing, etc that she'd barely even notice they were there, let alone have a problem with it (there are already 14 other kids invited). There isn't any open animosity between dd and the 6yo, just that she's not really into playing with him (these days he tends to just play off by himself when we all get together).