potty training not going so well...

[newbiemama09]

we tried the 3-Day Potty Training Method, and it's been somewhat successful. HUGE SUCCESS is that DD has not had ANY accidents in the middle of the night or during naptime. so that's FANTASTIC.

Day 1 went great. she was telling me when she was going potty, she could stop herself and finish on the toilet. lots of rewards and praise and treats and stickers.

Day 2 little bit of reverting. she wouldn't stop during an accident and rarely finished on the toilet

Day 3 little more reverting. she refused to sit on the potty even though she was showing signs of having to go. she'd have an accident and only once or twice finish on the potty.

Day 4 now she's crying and almost afraid of the potty. she has had 2 accidents already and only once finished on the potty.

i've put in a question to the helpdesk, but wondering if you ladies have any tips? BTDT stories that will make me feel better? i just feel like it hasn't "clicked" like the method "should" or "is supposed to." feeling a little discouraged because #2 will be coming soon and we were hoping to get this pretty well established before he came.

[Polliwog]

I'm not a fan of that method and have never used it with my kids (or any kids I've fostered or worked with.) I feel it all clicks when it clicks.

[pianojazzgirl]

What is the "Three Day Potty Method"?

Whatever it is I didn't use it with my kids (obviously... since I don't know what it is, lol!).  I pretty much agree with Polliwog that pottying will click when it does.  Whenever I've been met with hostility, fear, or any other strong neg feeling about using the potty I've just backed waaaay off.  With both kids I used a lot of positive encouragement (almost the only time I've used rewards in parenting actually), and suggested (but not pushed) fairly frequent potty visits.  I also found with both of them that seeing a close-in-age friend use the potty was a motivator. 

Again, I don't know about the method you've been using, but if she's getting fearful about the potty and you feel the beginnings of a power struggle I think you'll do much better in the long run to give potty learning a break for a while (or at least make it super low-key and no-pressure).

Good luck mama!

ETA I understand that it would be so much easier if your dd was using the potty reliably by the time the new babe comes, but I'd be careful not to get too invested in having that happen.  If she senses that this is Very Important to you then she might be more likely to dig her heels in (she is 2 after all, lol!).  Also, if you are feeling stressed out about it she'd going to pick up on that and feel stressed out herself.  See what you can do in your own head to let your expectations go and it will probably be an easier/smoother experience for both of you.

[stik]

I don't know the three-day method either, but I think it's a very rare kid that works it out in three days.  Two is a little young for potty training.  My first dd was super-easy to potty train, so I was shocked when my younger girl didn't do it until she was a couple months past her third birthday (and I now know, that's still pretty young).  Even with the new baby coming, I would let it wait.

[greenemami]

I haven't used the 3 day potty method either, but I agree that when she starts to freak out and get upset about the potty, it is time to back off.  I don't think that she is too young at all (dd was trained at 19 months and I am working on ds now at 18 months) but I think if you start to push she will push back and may get turned off on the potty for longer than necessary.  Keep it accessible, keep asking, but if she doesn't want to, just say okay and move on.  Make a big fuss over her when she sits on the potty, but otherwise keep it light.  Dd went through stages where she did that too, screamed and refused to go anywhere near the potty, but then it seemed to just click and she really got it and that was pretty much it, besides a few accidents here and there.  Ds will totally avoid the potty some days and some days wants to sit on it all day.  We just go with the flow.  I know it is harder since you have a baby on the way and I totally understand the desire to get it done first, but honestly, if she is recenlty potty trained when the new baby arrives you may end up with big-time regression anyway, so I wouldn't go too crazy about that :) Good luck!

[crunchy_mommy]

I agree with the other posters that it might be best to back off. DS went through a similar thing (though we weren't using the 3-day method) and it seemed to really help him to just put the potty away and put him in diapers and make no mention of the potty for several weeks. We are taking a very very very slow & casual approach to potty-training -- started with extremely part-time EC when he was a baby -- and he has gone through a couple of strong emotional reactions to pottying. Because of that, I didn't want to push him at all or use any kind of structured method. Interestingly, he's 2.5 now & the other day after spending a weekend with friends (2 of whom are mostly potty-trained), he started refusing diapers, using the potty consistently & has been accident-free ever since, it really is like something just suddenly clicked, though we'll have to see how he continues to do with it!!

[Mittsy]

I tried the 3 day potty method with dd when she was I think 3.5, and it really stressed her out and made her want to have nothing at all to do with the potty. I gave her a 2wk break from everything potty, then I started reading potty books and showing her the potty power dvd(you could use the elmo's potty time as well, dd just preferred the former), and I told her soon we would try out using the potty again, we did this for about a week. I made plans to keep us home for about 3-5 days, threw out all her diapers(and hid ds as he was a babe), I had her walk around naked and gave her lots of fluids and I rushed her to the potty for a story every time it even looked like she had to go. She didn't care about any rewards but after 2 straight days of this she decided she'd had enough and started peeing in the potty on her own, poop came about 6mo later completely on her own.

ETA: At this point dd was 4 and we had tried almost every other potty method we could think of. I never pushed the potty before 3 unless they showed the readiness and wanting to go.

[Caneel]

Pre-child, I thought there was absolutely no reason for any child over the age of two still be in diapers.   Oh, how did I eat those words, over and over and over again!

I think potty training is one of those things where parents think everyone else's kids were trained at 16 months when in reality, potty training happens later then many people realize.

In my experience, pushing too hard will cause huge set backs.  I vividly remember the day I insisted, gently I thought, that DS sit on the potty before he went downstairs.  Up to that point, he was showing a good deal of interest in using the potty.  He always used the potty away from home and was generally dry at night.  He broke down in tears and refused to even listen to the word "potty" for months.  In one action, we undid weeks of progress.

The teachers at my son's daycare, women who spend their days changing diapers and definately have a vested interest in getting kids out of diapers, all say kids will do it when they are ready, that some kids just don't have the muscle control and don't know how to read their body's cues.  

[~Boudicca~]

Back off mama, she do it when she's ready.  My dd1 was fully potty-trained at 2 years.  Actually, I can't say I had much to do with it, she had a really bad diaper rash and it was summer and we couldn't put a diaper on her poor little butt.  So by the end of the week she figured out that if she didn't want to pee on herself she'd better make it to her potty.

DD2 was definitely more of a challenge, and she didn't figure out the potty thing until she was 3.5.  She just wasn't ready.

[pianojazzgirl]

Originally Posted by pianojazzgirl 

What is the "Three Day Potty Method"?

I'm quoting my own post, lol.  I'm actually curious - can anyone explain to me what this method is?

[crunchy_mommy]

Originally Posted by Caneel 

Pre-child, I thought there was absolutely no reason for any child over the age of two still be in diapers.   Oh, how did I eat those words, over and over and over again!

I think potty training is one of those things where parents think everyone else's kids were trained at 16 months when in reality, potty training happens later then many people realize.

In my experience, pushing too hard will cause huge set backs.

LOL I had the same thoughts about kids over 2 not being potty-trained!!! I was so clueless. And I agree about the 'everyone else's kids trained so early' thing, it's more of an illusion... I have also found that a lot of people who consider their kids "potty-trained" are... um, not exactly potty-trained -- or at least have a whole lot more accidents than what fits into my definition of potty-trained! Maybe my definition is off lol.

Originally Posted by pianojazzgirl 

I'm quoting my own post, lol.  I'm actually curious - can anyone explain to me what this method is?

I have seen a couple variations of the method (several different ebooks out there), but basically you spend 3 days focusing totally on pottying. Day 1 you really push lots of water (and some recommend sweet & salty snacks) so you have lots of opportunities to get them to practice peeing on the potty. All you do all day is stay home & focus on getting them on the potty when they need to go. By day 2, they 'should' be getting the hang of it and starting to use the potty more often, and on the second or third day you can incorporate a short outing if they seem ready. Most kids are (supposedly) well on their way to being totally potty-trained by day 3. Some advocate keeping them naked for the 3 days and in just loose pants for the first few weeks, and others start off with pants and/or underwear. There is a lot more to it but that's the gist of it, as far as I can tell, but as I said, we didn't use this method, so I'm no expert in it!

[starling&diesel]

I have a friend who did the 3 day thing.  Worked for about four days after and then her child refused to go.  Back into diapers full time.  No signs of her wanting to have anything to do with the potty now. 

My dd had the skill around 18 months, but didn't want to go on the potty.  When I got pregnant, she announced that she was going to use the potty when the baby came (due October 9th).  During the summer, I saw her checking out her friends' cool underpants (race cars and frogs!) and watching with great interest when he fled the yard to go into the house to pee.  She decided one day on her own (she was 2.5 at this point) that she was finished with diapers.  She got her cool underpants (race cars and frogs!) and hasn't worn a diaper or pull up since.  No accidents.  No gnashing of teeth.  No wringing of hands.  No charts, no program, no stickers.  Just good ol' time.  I tell you, I will not stress about pottying at all with this new baby.  All in good time.

[swd12422]

I agree w/ PPs to back off. If you have a little potty for her to use, I'd leave it in the bathroom and just ask her periodically if she'd like to give it a try. If you don't have one, go out shopping with her and let her pick one out. Then leave it in the bathroom and ask her periodically...

2 is young to expect perfection. I would continue to use small rewards for success (maybe just a sticker chart or something) and count how many times she tries it/how many mornings she wakes up dry. As she improves, you can up the ante and let her know she can choose a new toy/book/have an M&M/whatever if she stays dry and uses the potty all day. But I wouldn't push that til she's not scared and is using the potty at least a few times a day.

I have 2 friends who started PLing their DDs a little after their 2nd birthdays, and neither was successful much before their 3rd birthday. (One isn't quite 3 yet, is home with her dad all day, and still isn't interested. The other struggled and fought and basically made her mother insane (okay, the mom did that to herself) and then one day shortly before her 3rd birthday she just decided to go use the potty and did it every time on her own.) I pushed DS a little b/c we were going on vacation and I wanted him out of diapers so I wouldn't have to pack them and worry about washing on the trip. It backfired. He was fine most of the trip, then got freaked out by the hotel toilets and wouldn't go. We had to borrow diapers from our friends and when we got home he had 2 days of accidents before he got back on track. Then 6 or 7 months later, he started having accidents at school. I was told it's a normal regression that lots of kids go through and just waited it out. It was FRUSTRATING.

All that to say, be patient and let her do it on her own. It's not something you can control, so don't try. It'll happen, and when it does, it'll be quick and (mostly) painless.