Today has just been...an epic failure. I feel so overwhelmed and I just need to vent this out, maybe you guys can offer some perspective?
This is going to be raw, I'm not going to censor it, so go easy on me. I'm feeling so vulnerable right now.
Everything that could go wrong today did. I feel horrible. I feel like I should be able to handle this by now, that I should have it all figured out. I still flip out on DD when she misbehaves, and I don't WANT to. I know ahead of time and after that I do NOT want to be THAT mom, the mom that yells or otherwise punishes her child with harsh words. I want to treat her with respect, but my GOSH it's hard when she's pushed every single one of my buttons. Add to that the screaming baby and I feel pulled in two very different directions and I just want everyone to STOP for a minute and let me catch my breath. I try stepping back for a moment and gathering myself but today when I tried I burst into tears. What can I do to get better at handling myself? I'm feeling so frustrated with MYSELF, and it's really hard.
In 3 weeks, DH is supposed to leave for a week. I'm seriously debating asking him to reconsider this trip. But I don't want to be that wife, that mom, who can't handle things. I don't want to tell him he can't do what he needs to do for work, to further his career just b/c I'm incapable as a mother. Especially since he's the sole breadwinner for our family. UGH but how can I do this alone??? For a WEEK?!?
And then I think about all you military moms who do this all the time, with more than just 2 kids, and I feel like big wuss. You guys do this all the time. For months on end, and here I'm worried about a measly week. I feel stupid and selfish.
Please, any advice or commiseration is welcome and will be helpful. Thanks, guys.