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First Time Moms

post #1 of 15
Thread Starter 

How is everybody transitioning to being a mom?

 

I'm definitely overwhelmed sometimes. I feel like all my time is spent on Liam, and while I expected that, I didn't know how much it would effect me emotionally. It's a lot more straining that I thought it would be. 

 

I'm trying to get the house and life back to some kind of normal, but I'm having trouble with that. I'm still working on getting my sling to work properly for us ( I think it's my huge boobs causing the issue) so I can only clean or do something while Liam is sleeping. 

 

Anybody have any suggestions or tips? Something they figured out but wish they'd been told. I'm sure we could all use the advice.

post #2 of 15

Just wanted to pop in and offer my support.  I found going from 0-1 a LOT harder than going from 1-2, and I'm floundering with 2!  So, I should take this advice, but go easy on yourself.  Babywearing takes a LOT of practice, I got so frustrated with it early on I didn't do it for real for months.  Hugs, mamas!

post #3 of 15
It's definitely taking some time for us too. I feel like she sleeps most of the time, but yet I'm somehow still always busy with her.

The hardest part for me is figuring out how to be content with just being a mom. (I know that sounds horrible). I could never imagine putting her in daycare or leaving her with someone else, but I do miss the interaction with people from work and the fulfilled feeling I would get after a hard days work. Right now everything is so monotonous and its draining. I know it won't be like this forever, and in a year she'll be running all over the place and I'll probably look back and wish she was a teeny tiny newborn again that wanted to be held all the time.
post #4 of 15
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by SouthernStormy View Post

It's definitely taking some time for us too. I feel like she sleeps most of the time, but yet I'm somehow still always busy with her.
 


That is exactly how I feel right now.

post #5 of 15

I feel just like you ladies do as things have been really rough at times. I am EBF and don't ever get a second to myself. At times I wish I could escape for just an hour for some me time. People tell you how tiring and emotionally taxing a newborn can be but nothing can prepare you!

 

I also am struggling with not working or going to school. I miss the fullfilled feeling of getting things done and accomplished in my career that I worked so hard to obtain. Its weird, its almost like I have kind of mourned the old me. My life is so different now and it will never be as it once was. And for the most part I love that it will never be the same because I couldn't imagine life without Jude and he has only been here for a month. But I also miss my old life at the same time.

 

It hasn't been all bad and stressful though. I still have moments where I just cry with the overwhelming amount of love I have for this tiny person. Its mind blowing how perfect he is in my eyes and how much my heart overflows with so much love. I never knew I could have this much love for a person!

 

And we are still trying to get the baby wearing thing down as well. I am not a huge fan of my moby but I do love my ring sling I got from sleeping baby productions. Her pleated cap sleeve is awesome. I still struggle with the fabric getting twisted in the rings and getting him positioned just right but for the most part I can get him in and adjusted enough that it works for our outings. And hes ok with it too because he usually just passes right out and stays out the whole time were out. I am still not comfortable doing a lot of chores around the house in it because I always feel like he is going to slip out for some reason.

 

As for my house it is a wreck and I have decided its just going to have to be this way for awhile. Other things are more important, like naps!

 

I hope things keep getting better for you ladies. And I hope you are getting some kind of sleep orngbiggrin.gif

post #6 of 15


Big HUGS to all of you in the first time mama club ... it's been a few years since I was there, but some things I figured out too slowly (or had to the learn the hard way ...

Quote:
Originally Posted by SouthernStormy View Post

It's definitely taking some time for us too. I feel like she sleeps most of the time, but yet I'm somehow still always busy with her.

The hardest part for me is figuring out how to be content with just being a mom. (I know that sounds horrible). I could never imagine putting her in daycare or leaving her with someone else, but I do miss the interaction with people from work and the fulfilled feeling I would get after a hard days work. Right now everything is so monotonous and its draining. I know it won't be like this forever, and in a year she'll be running all over the place and I'll probably look back and wish she was a teeny tiny newborn again that wanted to be held all the time.


Join a moms group. Call a church if you're comfortable with that & ask if they have one, check meetup.com, call public health ... find one. The one I ended up going to was a 'post-natal' baby class offered free by public health. From that 6 week 'class', we formed a weekly playgroup that met for almost a year. A few of us stayed in touch until about the 2yr mark, and I know almost everyone ended up with at least one closer friend long term. It's like a due-date club, in person. A group my sister goes to meets at a church, and does a crafty thing most weeks when they meet -- iron on appliques, or little christmas ornaments, decorating cookies, that sort of thing. Since they are all moms, they understand the mid-meeting interuptions etc. There's also stroller fitness groups all over the place.

 

It's not the same fulfillment as a hard day at work, but it gives you someone other than your DH to talk to about baby poop & spit up & sleeping ..
 

Quote:
Originally Posted by karalynnskies View Post

I feel just like you ladies do as things have been really rough at times. I am EBF and don't ever get a second to myself. At times I wish I could escape for just an hour for some me time. People tell you how tiring and emotionally taxing a newborn can be but nothing can prepare you!

 

...

 

And we are still trying to get the baby wearing thing down as well. I am not a huge fan of my moby but I do love my ring sling I got from sleeping baby productions. Her pleated cap sleeve is awesome. I still struggle with the fabric getting twisted in the rings and getting him positioned just right but for the most part I can get him in and adjusted enough that it works for our outings. And hes ok with it too because he usually just passes right out and stays out the whole time were out. I am still not comfortable doing a lot of chores around the house in it because I always feel like he is going to slip out for some reason.


When your babies are about 6 weeks or so, once you feel you've got your supply well established, and a bit of a routine figured out, book a manicure or a walk with a friend, or dessert ... something that won't take more than an hour, and LEAVE THE BABY WITH DADDY. Feed them right before you leave, and wear breast pads in case you start leaking all over before you get home. They will not starve before you get back, and it will help restore your sanity. Taking that ONE HOUR is like a miracle cure for the newborn isolation. I'm not saying go for dinner & a movie & leave baby with a sitter ... just their father. It'll be good for all of you!

 

For the baby wearing. I wore DS for nearly 4 years, and sewed & sold carriers, but I could never (and still can't) wear a NB in a one shoulder carrier of any sort and get anything done. Until their necks are stronger, I want them in a MeiTai or wrap if I want to be truly hands free & eat my supper, or MAKE my supper, or clean up anything ... or even, if I'm really lucky, get to sewing something new! :)

 

Quote:
Originally Posted by kylaskye View Post

How is everybody transitioning to being a mom?

 

I'm definitely overwhelmed sometimes. I feel like all my time is spent on Liam, and while I expected that, I didn't know how much it would effect me emotionally. It's a lot more straining that I thought it would be. 

 

I'm trying to get the house and life back to some kind of normal, but I'm having trouble with that. I'm still working on getting my sling to work properly for us ( I think it's my huge boobs causing the issue) so I can only clean or do something while Liam is sleeping. 

 

Anybody have any suggestions or tips? Something they figured out but wish they'd been told. I'm sure we could all use the advice.



See all the stuff above! :) It's really hard to be the ONLY person that this new little person is depending on, but when you get a few months down the road, and they are so much bigger then they are now, and you can look back and say "I did that .. I fed that baby, and nurtured that baby, and look at them now" It's such a great feeling. If you EBF, then you are really the only source of food for that baby for 15mths ... the 9 you're pregnant, and 6 more after that. So it is isolating & overwhelming, but the reward is great, and you CAN do it. Just remember to find the things that keep you sane and do them. If you need to go for a run, or a walk, or get a hair cut, or even simply get a shower, find a way to make it happen. Finn spent most of my showers his first year in his bouncy seat in the bathroom b/c he would be happy if I'd keep talking to him, and I'd be happy if I could have a shower that lasted more than 2 minutes!

post #7 of 15

Man, those first few weeks were sooo hard for me emotionally, and physically. Now, things seem to be falling into place quite nicely for us at 6 weeks. Every week, things seem a little bit easier. We have been trying to take her out and about as much as possible to get her used to her mei tai and car seat, and being in new places because we are going to Italy in December, so I want her to be a happy traveler. There have been a few moments of extreme chaos (DH had too many beers to drive, so I had to drive while baby is screaming in the back seatt because she wants mom, then DH realizes he's lost his wallet and we are stuck on the side of the road while I comfort the baby and DH searches the car, lol) but I think these times are helping us all learn how to work together and get around as a family.

 

One big challenge that has come up recently is letting DH watch her for a few hours. I though this would be easy since we are doing great with breast feeding, and I have a nice little milk bank stored up in my freezer. Last night I went to my first yoga class and left the baby with DH. He said the minute I was out the door, she started screaming and didn't stop until I got home an hour and a half later. She wouldn't eat from the bottle and nothing he tried would calm her down. By the time I got home he was sooo stressed and upset. I felt terrible for both of them. So I have NO idea how I am ever going to get to go out on my own. She's totally cool when I am around but I guess she knows when mom is gone and does not like it at all. I'm so bummed because I am lucky to have a DH who would be more than happy to watch her as much as I needed him to, but it's not fair to either of them if she is distraught the entire time. :/

post #8 of 15

I think that one of the best things I did for my sanity at about two weeks was leave DD with DP to run to the closest store and buy us both coffees. I was gone for about 15 minutes top. I had just nursed the baby and she was sleeping on her Daddy already. But just driving for five minutes by myself was exactly what I needed to refresh my spirit.

 

This is a great thread!

 

I am also finding babywearing to be so frustrating! I can't ever seem to get the wrap just right. We have an Infantino carrier which I surprisingly really like, but its a PITA to get on and off and adjusted correctly so I have mostly been using it when I am out getting groceries.

 

DD loves to ride in the car. So, her and I go somewhere almost every day.

 

Like the PP I also am struggling a little bit with my old identity as a working professional and trying to reconstruct that to include DD.

 

 

What is amazing is that now that DD is born I know why I wake up in the morning, or all hours of the night, LOL. My life has a purpose now. It is the most wonderful adjustment to make. And now, whenever I make choices I ask myself, is this the kind of Mom/Family I want for Caroline. Is this the choice I would want Caroline to make? Its so simple, but she is guiding my life in the most wonderful ways now! Yesterday afternoon even though DP and I were so tired and he has such limited time off we went to an outdoor blues jam/concert because we decided that we wanted to be the family who would go out to that show with the baby, not the family who would stay home and nap/lounge around the house. And it was so lovely to be outside and enjoying the music and people and weather as a family.

 

Its amazing!

 

And so challenging at the same time. LOL.

post #9 of 15

 

Quote:
Yesterday afternoon even though DP and I were so tired and he has such limited time off we went to an outdoor blues jam/concert because we decided that we wanted to be the family who would go out to that show with the baby, not the family who would stay home and nap/lounge around the house. And it was so lovely to be outside and enjoying the music and people and weather as a family.

Yes! We are the same way. Once you are out the door, it feels so nice to be out and about as a family, and not stuck inside all the time. It also keeps me from feeling like I have lost my pre-baby identity if we are doing the kinds of things we have always enjoyed doing.

post #10 of 15
Quote:
Originally Posted by Baby_Cakes View Post

Just wanted to pop in and offer my support.  I found going from 0-1 a LOT harder than going from 1-2, and I'm floundering with 2!  So, I should take this advice, but go easy on yourself.  Babywearing takes a LOT of practice, I got so frustrated with it early on I didn't do it for real for months.  Hugs, mamas!



same here - no matter how tricky it gets with 2 - and today was rough- it was still WAY more challenging for me to go from none to one.  I was 34, had a great career, loved my freedom and had tons of interests to keep me going.  i loved my life and didnt have kids to fill any void. It was a huge adjustment to suddenly have a little being totally dependent on me.  I really struggled - and eventually made it ok to fit the things I need to feel fufilled back into my life.  It is so much easier this time around - exhausting, but easier mentally :)  

post #11 of 15

I'm really loving it.

Well. We have our moments. Mostly moments of, "Oh, c'mon. You've eaten, burped and your butt is clean. Now it's time to sleeeeeep. You are getting sleeeeeeepy!"

I only really have gotten super frustrated once - Dusty was at work for about 11 hours, I was alone and I just needed a break. Just two minutes. I wanted food and the bathroom and he was being clingy.

I'm not yet ready to even try to go away from him. I'm trying to arrange for a massage (I need one so bad!) where he comes with and can nurse. I have someone who will do it, just have to schedule it.

I think it seriously helps me that Dusty has a Duty. He thinks it's silly and I need to learn to do it, but I know quite well how to do it. It being burping. I just want him to. If he's gone, I obviously do, but when he's here and Charlie wants walked or the really big burping, that's daddy's job. It helps.  A lot. :)

 

I am finding all the family visiting tiring, though. Even though I like seeing people, I have to clean up, put on clothes and be awake at a certain time and I don't love that. The only other time we have to do that is for appointments - we have a weekly full-family chiropractic appointment every week. Charlie really likes it. He came out with his jaw on crooked and it's been very helpful for that and other things :)

post #12 of 15

I am SO loving being a mama! Really, the transition has been relatively manageable. Moving 35 minutes away with a newborn as something I will never, ever do again, lesson learned. Haha.

 

What I am having a hard time with is it seems as though there has been a redistribution of power between DP and I. I think it is more my perception than his. And he does everything he can with DD. But I am still struggling with how she is primarily my responsibility. And he is a very involved Dad and he is working 50+ hours! It just seems that we've always shared responsibilities and with DD and since I am not working yet I just feel like the baby is mine to take care of. I am breastfeeding so I am obviously doing night feedings and he works 12 hours days so we really don't see much of him. Then he does come home and interrupts the little bit of routine DD and I do have going and I get snappy and I NAG and I hate that! I never wanted to be that woman! Anybody else relate? Its like, yes dear, I want you to change her diaper and pack the diaper bag but I don't trust that you'll get everything we need and it'll take twice as long! The poor man can't really win and I feel so bitchy!

 

I read 'Misconceptions' by Naomi Wolf while I was still pregnant and so I sorta knew to expect this sorta thing, but I guess I thought somehow DP and I would be exempt somehow, you know?

 

AAAHHH!! I'm sure with time and talking with each other we'll get a better handle on it!

post #13 of 15

 

I know how you feel. DH and I have been together for over 8 years, and it's always been a very equitable relationship. But now with DS here, there seems to be a shift. In our case, DH is willing to do everything he can, but he has been working a lot while he can now before I go back to work (then he'll be a SAHD while finishing school).  And with bfing, that means that I inherently have more baby duties than he does. 


Quote:
Originally Posted by katiemaeeee View Post
 Its like, yes dear, I want you to change her diaper and pack the diaper bag but I don't trust that you'll get everything we need and it'll take twice as long! The poor man can't really win and I feel so bitchy!

 


Yes! I can totally relate to this as well. I am trying really hard to 'let go' of things that aren't really important. He needs to struggle so that he can learn, even if it's different than I would like or takes longer. But it's hard to know where to 'let go' for me. For example, I am trying to let him struggle with calming DS down when he is crying, but it's so physically and emotionally difficult for me to sit around and listen to DS cry when I know I can just calm him with my boob, even if he's not even hungry.  But I know so many partners who have such un-equal relationships, and I just can't put up with that, so I guess this is where the hard work is for me right now. 

 

post #14 of 15

doing OK. I'm OK with the feeding, getting up at night, and bazillion diaper changes. Hubby is helpful when he is home. however I'm a SAHM and he works full time. So I try to let him sleep at night even though he assures me I can wake him if I need help. 
The hardest part for me is not having a schedule and baby not sleeping like I thought babies are "supposed to". I am a lover of sleep and this baby wants to be awake! lol She doesn't like to seep and I have been getting migraines from the lack of consistent sleep. Right when I think I have her figured out she throws me a curve ball. I hear this changes once they get over the 6-8 week mark and they start to become more regular on their own. If not I'm going to try to get her on some sort of routine.

For example she was taking 2 nice long naps during the day(nearly 3 hours) and I as sleeping with her for one, and doing something else for the other,(dishes, a craft, laundry, etc). Now she likes 40 minute naps instead several times a day. :P Not helpful when it takes my brain 30 minutes to wind down and relax! She also started over the weekend sleeping really good at night. only waking once between midnight and 8am to eat(typically 4am). I knew this wouldn't last long yet since she's only 4 weeks old, but last night she decided she just didn't want to sleep between these feeds so we where up from midnight till 4 am. 

Thankfully after tomorrow I will have kept my goal of keeping her isolated for 4 weeks and we can start venturing into the world together and I think that will help wear her out some. And give momma some sanity back. I am looking forward to our first church service together, and to going shopping for cloth diapers with my sister this weekend. I am looking forward to grocery trips, and visits to my mom's and outings to the thrift store and walks! 

 

post #15 of 15

I have found that if I put my nursing diaper (I put it under my boob and his head to catch dribbles) near his head when I lay him down to sleep (was rare, getting more common!), he snuggles up to it and sleeps longer.

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