My mom wants me to stop nursing my child. help. - Page 2

[nstewart]

Well OP, if it makes you feel any better, I had my first DS at 29 and my mom tries to tell me how to raise him too!  Super annoying, I agree!

I deal with it by arming myself with information.  Something studied or from a parenting book, such as one of Dr. Sear's books.  I purposely leave the book out when she comes over to babysit so that she'll at least read a few pages.  Or, if she disagrees with something I give her specific information as to why I am doing it and why I feel it is right.  (for example, how can your mom say that breastfeeding so long is wrong when the World Health Organization says to do it for 2 years minimum?)  Be very specific and don't make it about your opinion.  Make it about following an expert's opinion.  She can fight with you, but does she want to try to say that Dr. Sears or the WHO are wrong?  And if she does, is that credible?

Good luck!

[foreverinbluejeans]

Women have always been having babies at 18. There is no reason an 18 year old can't be a good mother. If she is toxic enough you may have to tell her she needs to back off or you don't want to be around her and you don't want your baby around her. Your baby doens't need to hear her saying you can't be a good mother.

[Lazurii]

Originally Posted by foreverinbluejeans 

Women have always been having babies at 18. There is no reason an 18 year old can't be a good mother. If she is toxic enough you may have to tell her she needs to back off or you don't want to be around her and you don't want your baby around her. Your baby doens't need to hear her saying you can't be a good mother.

Aaaaaaa-men!

[smeep]

I didn't even notice that you mentioned your age. I guess I didn't because IT DOESN'T MATTER!  So many more young moms would do better if only they had REAL support from family and friends and society. I know many women who had their babies at very young ages (even one who had her son at 14, and one who had twins at 16) and they are incredible mothers! The 14-year-old nursed her son, cloth diapered, did all that stuff and the twin mom nursed hers for 6 months (which is a feat for twins when she's going to school too). 

It's about what the mom decides and what support she has and how those two mesh together... NOT about age. I was 20 when I had my son and I certainly don't think my age affected my ability to be a good mother. 

[smeep]

By the way - you'd be surprised just how many women nurse full term! (Full term = 2+ years.) Many women don't do it publicly or not often, and many women don't really talk about it publicly either. I have met MANY older women - think ages 60-80 - who nursed their babies 1-4 years! And for most of them, when they told me it was in a very hushed voice and only after they knew it was "safe" to tell me (i.e., I mentioned nursing my son for 2 years in the conversation, or something similar).... that's when I realized there are probably a LOT out there who just don't talk about it.

[1love4ever]

My aunt nursed her DD til she was 6!  Everyone thought she was nuts, but they both loved it, and she didnt really talk about it in every day conversation because it didnt really come up!  The only people who knew was her family and close friends.  They both loved the nursing and were so in love with eachother that it didnt matter what anyone else said, they both enjoyed it so they did it. 

They are still in love with eachother and still so close and have an awesome relationship, and her daughter is now in her late 20s:)

[PseudoDiva]

It can be so very damaging and hurtful when our moms don't support us.  They seem to forget how powerful their words are and how intensely attached we are to their approval.  Very, very sad.  I am so sorry you're going through this.

The thing I have found that helps me--even if I only ever say it in my head--is:  You are entitled to your opinion.  I would just continue to say that to her.  "You're entitled to your opinion."  It validates her point of view without acceding your own.  

I read a really good book about family relationships recently that helped me a lot.  It's called: Emotional Blackmail by Susan Forward and it was easy to see both myself and other family members caught up in this toxic pattern of behavior.  

http://www.amazon.com/Emotional-Blackmail-People-Obligation-Manipulate/dp/0060928972/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1317402748&sr=8-1

Good luck to you.  Don't try and convince her that she's wrong, you'll never get anywhere.  Your age is immaterial.  The fact is, you ARE a mom whether she wants you to be one or not, and you are doing a great job.  The worldwide weaning age is 4.  There are many, many reasons why you are right and she is wrong.  Don't let her bully you into doing less than what you feel is best for your baby!