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Military Family Life - General Chit Chat - Page 3

post #41 of 58

Ah ha! I found the military life forum! happytears.gif You guys were hard to find. I've posted on the discussion threads previously, but it's been a while. Anyway, my dh is in the Army and we are currently stationed at Fort Bliss, TX. We have 3 kiddos, ages 7.5, almost 4, and 15 months. Fort Bliss/El Paso isn't the greatest place to live, but so far I like it. The schools in our area are terrible though, so we homeschool. I'm finding more and more that their is a "crunchy" scene, but you have to look for it.


Edited by madis81 - 2/9/12 at 7:44am
post #42 of 58
Thread Starter 

so DH got a tasking that will take him about 4 hours away from here for a month this spring.  it will be the first time i will be solo with the twins who will be 16months then.

 

im pondering my options which include staying here, maybe seeing him on one weekend. staying with family in NY, just 2 hours away from him and maybe seeing him each weekend. or flying to the west coast, staying with my mom, visiting friends and getting some work done that i need to do there but of course not seeing him at all. he is going to miss the kids zoo bad he is so bummed. i feel like the good wife thing to do is go to NY and be available for him to see the babies on weekends, but my family there is NOT helpful with the kids (i would spend most of my time with a 91 year old grandma that needs my help rather than her helping me) on the west coast it is clearly what is best for me personally, my mom would be pretty good help and i miss my friends something awful since we have been posted here. and i would be being responsible in getting some of my affairs our west in order.

 

so why do i feel like i would be selfishly taking his kids away from him?

post #43 of 58
Quote:
Originally Posted by ~Adorkable~ View Post

so DH got a tasking that will take him about 4 hours away from here for a month this spring.  it will be the first time i will be solo with the twins who will be 16months then.

 

im pondering my options which include staying here, maybe seeing him on one weekend. staying with family in NY, just 2 hours away from him and maybe seeing him each weekend. or flying to the west coast, staying with my mom, visiting friends and getting some work done that i need to do there but of course not seeing him at all. he is going to miss the kids zoo bad he is so bummed. i feel like the good wife thing to do is go to NY and be available for him to see the babies on weekends, but my family there is NOT helpful with the kids (i would spend most of my time with a 91 year old grandma that needs my help rather than her helping me) on the west coast it is clearly what is best for me personally, my mom would be pretty good help and i miss my friends something awful since we have been posted here. and i would be being responsible in getting some of my affairs our west in order.

 

so why do i feel like i would be selfishly taking his kids away from him?


How long will it last? 

 

post #44 of 58
Thread Starter 
One month, so really nothing big. But dh has been dealing with depression and anxiety a lot since the babies were born. He's getting seen for it. So he really bummed out about not being there for his kids.
post #45 of 58

If it were me, in my situation, I would go to CA with family. I have a hard enough time with my 3 kiddos for a weekend by myself, let alone a month! The NY option sounds ideal, besides you having to also worry about taking care of your grandmother if you did go. Is there anyone else in the area that could come to NY too? 

post #46 of 58

Hi! I am new - to the group, a new navy wife and a new mama-to-be! That's a lot of new!

 

My SO and I have been married for 12 years, he joined the Navy last year and we are pregnant w our first LO, due this August. I grew up as an Army kid but being a Navy wife and mama is a different ball game. We are currently in MD while DH is in A school. He'll be finishing up in June, so we may move right before baby is due, yikes! It's definitely a challenge to adjust to all of the uncertainty. I am a planner and not really being able to plan this birth is tough for me. As a birth doula, I think every mama deserves to birth in a strongly supported environment exactly the way she wants to. Facing all of these questions and choosing to try to birth naturally at our MTF sometimes feels a bit daunting.

 

Whew! That said, I am infinitely proud of my DH! He's super supportive and loving. Since we are here for a short time I'm not working. I've found it tough to find venues to connect w other military ladies. Any suggestions? I'd really love to meet some fun, like-minded women and maybe find a workout buddy. namaste.gif Any advice is so appreciated!

post #47 of 58
Thread Starter 
Welcome to mothering.com!! As welcome to the military and soon to mothering!!!!!

As for the finding folks, I'm in the MD/DC area and my DH is Posted at WRNMMC if you are around here maybe we can go have a cup of coffee or something.
post #48 of 58
Thread Starter 
Oh and I can really empathize the moving while preggo, we got posted her wen I was 21 weeks with twins and I didn't move to a house and get my stuff till 27 weeks. It was hard but also a adventure and things worked out.
post #49 of 58

Hi Adorkable! We are at Ft Meade but I am going to WRNMMC for prenatal care. Maybe we could meet up after my next appointment, if the timing works well for you. caffix.gif

 

The moving psychs me out a little, mostly because I would really like to have a doula and birth at a birthing center but w location up in the air I'm hesitant to make arrangements. Oh well, I have my first MW appt in March. I'm hoping I will love her and feel more confident about birthing at WRNMMC. Thanks for the support!smile.gif

post #50 of 58
Thread Starter 
I would love to meet up with you, just let me know when you next Apointment is. I liked my OB at WRNMMC quite a bit and still run into her now and then and have nice talks. I was not to impressed with the one MW Apointment I had when I first moved there, she seemed like just a under educated wannabe OB. I was pretty bummed because I wanted a MW and a birthcenter or home birth and the twins spun my plans for a loop.

I'm right near by, babes and I actually visit the base often to say hi and coffee with hubby. Or we can go into Bethesda downtown, there are lots of good places to go.
post #51 of 58

That sounds great! My next appt is on March 8th in the am. I take the shuttle in, so we can meet there or I can take the Metro (maybe?), if there's some place that would be more fun. We can work out the details, if you are free on the 8th.

 

Can I ask the name of your OB? My appt is with Olivera. I would like to have a MW because I really like their mom-centered philosophy of practice and I want the additional support that MW's provide (in my experience). I just know that I'm going to want a little extra loving. grouphug.gif My best friend wants to be there, but lives in Mpls, MN, so the timing might get tricky. I'm also thinking of having my Mom there but we'll see. It would be nice to have some alone time w my DH and LO at the beginning, too. I guess I have no idea who I want to be there at this point! shrug.gif

post #52 of 58
Thread Starter 

who knows, maybe i just got off on the wrong foot with the midwifes there, maybe it was that i was preggo with twins and everything seemed to see that as a high risk right from the get go.

 i do not know if the midwifes on base are going to give you that "mom-centered philosophy of practice" I'm sure it is a person to person things and some are probably great.  i really wanted a midwife and a home birth and a water birth and got none of it and that was really a sad thing for me.

when i was first preggo i was at a base in Washington State and they had a midwife team that was heaven! one even got the hospital to let them to water births! i was heartbroken to be moved away from them at 6 months.

 

 

one bright spot was i did have a OB for my prenatal that i liked talking to and i felt listened to me and was open to the way i felt like doing things to a pretty large extent.  her name is Jengo i think, I'm really tired today, maybe not remembering the spelling right.  i probably should not tell you my experiences unless there is a point, you are going to have your own and they could be totally different than mine.  just in general remember it is hospital policies that determine a lot rather than MW or OB styles. but liking who you are in the room with and feeling listened to is huge and should not be discounted for anything.

 

as for the 8th, we are putting in for leave for the 8th and 9th to go to the Philadelphia flower show, so if we get it , i won't be around, sorry. if it falls thru i will let you know. and then either way i'm sure i can catch you next time.

post #53 of 58

Hello all - I guess I'll jump in here. My DH is a Lt (navy) in the Canadian Forces and we've been living the life for 5 years now. He joined late, after he had worked in the private sector for 10+ years and we are still relatively new to the military culture. Still, we are learning, all the time. DH has been away a LOT since joining. Probably about 2+ years of training away and a 7 month deployment in Afghanistan. He was away 11 months during our DD's 2nd year of life - so, I guess I've BTDT with solo parenting. Also, as you mention Leanna Doula, it's the constant uncertainty that really wears you down. 

 

We are currently in limbo waiting for our posting which we expect to come any day now and which will probably move us to another province. Like Leanne, I am expecting in August, so not totally thrilled to be moving and starting a whole new life with a new babe, but trying to look on the exciting, adventurous side of it. I just want to know what is in store so I can start making plans, doing the work, feeling somewhat in control. But, the sad thing is, in this life we are never in control because things can always change unexpectedly. I am trying to learn how to live with that.

 

I haven't had much luck finding friendship in our military community. I do have a great group of (non-military) friends, but they don't always relate to why we are doing this. In fact, a lot of my friends are kind of anti-military and I understand that to a certain extent. It would be nice to know some people who understand the paradoxical life of the crunchy military wife. I reached out a lot while DH was overseas, and found I had very little in common with most of the military wives. Also, I found the family deployment services seriously lacking. For example, they offer some respite childcare for the parent at home, but they engage a company of babysitters with the most poorly-trained, frankly awful sitters you could imagine. Some of the difference boils down to education and background, but some of it is just a different set of expectations in relationships. I don't know, I'm still trying to figure it out. 

 

Okay, I guess that's about it for now. Nice to have found you all.

 

 

post #54 of 58

Adorkable - Have fun at the flower show! We'll try to get together next time. And thank you for sharing your experience. It is different for everyone but it helps to hear others input, esp when its such an unfamiliar environment for me. I'm hoping for a positive experience this time around. My last appt felt like a preggo assembly line! Stop here for wieght, here for exam, here for labs, goodbye. I was in and out so fast I wasn't able to ask the few questiond I had. dizzy.gif

 

MsZelda -  Welcome! And YES! I sypathize w your crunchy military wife dillema. It is hard to find friends let alone ones that share my crunchy point of view in this community and my lovely girlfriends have no idea what this new chapter in my life is like. Luckily I was an army brat growing up, so my Mom has some understanding of my situation and she's open to humoring my earth mama ambitions. But I still miss having a friend to meet for tea or yoga. I'm hoping our next stop will have more conducive to my way of life than our current neighborhood is.

 

The uncertainty is my biggest challenge, too. Growing up, I always said that I would never marry a military man (my mom likes to remind me of this). Well, he wasn't in the military when I married him. He also spent 10+ years in the private sector before making the decision to join the Navy. It is a good decision for our family and I'm proud of him but it's a tough transition for sure. Like you, I'm trying to embrace the adventure. I have a feeling it's going to be a work in progress for a while. shy.gif I haven't had to deal w deployment yet, frankly I'm dreading it. I think I will be staying w my family when the time comes. I think I will just get too lonely on my own. But I'm trying to take it day by day and not get ahead of myself. We'll cross that road when we come to it.

post #55 of 58
Thread Starter 

yeah i would write your questions down and you can tell the nurse that sees you (usually the first person that sees you in your own room, not the guy who weighs you) that you have questions written down for the OB or MW, but i would usually turn them down when they asked me what they were so that they could pass them along, it never seemed to work. nested i would just way that i would rather ask them once and feel better face to face. when the OB came in and asked how things were i would say whatever and then say that i had a few questions, so to just let me know when she was finished with her questions and stuff and it was a good time to ask them.  they do rush you through around there, specially if your appointment is later in the day. 

Best thing to remember this is your body and your baby and your experience. It's ok to ask them to slow down and listen or repeat themselves or whatever you need. 

post #56 of 58
Thread Starter 

If anyone here has good info or websites to pass on to me so i can learn about "Medical Retirement" please PM me. I would rather not chat about it in the threads

post #57 of 58

I haven't posted (or lurked) here in forever, but I am trying to figure out my own headspace, and could use some help.

 

DH and I have been waiting to TTC for a long time. We've been together over a decade but have always been pretty much planning to TTC this summer. We had even been discussing (sort of but not really interested in) waiting longer. Between now and our planned TTC, he is set to deploy. 

 

And then his unit lost people. And going to memorials and dealing with the post-notification fall out, I mentioned that I always worry while he is deployed about the fact that we haven't tried for a baby; that even if we didn't get a BFP, if he didn't come home I would know we had at least tried. And then today he announced that he thought we should give it a shot this cycle (the last before he deploys). 

 

So I am 1) ecstatic to start trying 2) nervous that I have used an emotional situation to pressure him into it 3) worried that we are letting military life change our plan and 4) nervous because getting pregnant now does not work well with his deployment cycle. 

 

Anyone have any words of wisdom? I am considering telling him that I think we should wait and stick to the plan, but honestly...I am terrified about facing this deployment (not our first by any means, and I usually cope "well"), and even more terrified by the thought of not ever having taken the chance, and then having that chance taken away. Ugh.

post #58 of 58
Thread Starter 

wow that is a really hard decision to make, i was faced with a similar one when we were TTC at first

 

here is the thread http://www.mothering.com/community/t/840832/the-hard-choice-get-pregnant-or-wait-please-help-us

 

it was different because to go ahead and try was to keep to our plans, not change them. but i think if faced with your choice our thought process would have been similar. i got some good feedback as i was working it all out.

In the end we did go for it, but did not get preggo. it took a full year after he got home to finally get it, 29months of TTC.

Life has a way at laughing at this that make plans, but i still think we should plan and dream for our lives.

 

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