Thoughts on changing DD last name

[lac_2233]

My daughter is 4.8 right now and we have been mostly on our own for over 2 years.  Even though her father lives less than 3 miles from us his visits are spuratic at best.  We are currently down to about once per month.  After over a year I am finally receiving support, but know that I cannot count on it.

But my question for you all is this - I want to change her last name.  She has his currently, but since I am the one making all her medical and educational decisions I want her to have my last name.  It would just make things easier.  I hate that look at the airport when I am traveling with her and they look at both of our tickets and then look at us to see whether or not she looks like me.  I have thought about using both, possibly hyphinating, but I hate that.  She starts kinder next year and I want this all done before we start applying to schools.

Anyone ever go through this?  Is it worth the fight?  I am not sure how he will react.  If you hyphinated ehich one goes first and which goes second?  Anyone know the costs in Texas?

Thanks

[tccandlsccmom]

A few questions: How much does DD identify with her name?  How hostile is your ex?  Are you open to a hypenated name over the long term or would your name be best?

This is not an option for me as I am in a horrid custody fight and I know that my ex would object to the nth degree.  However, our kids have different last names and middle names with the name of the other parent...

I think that you will need a court order in Texas....which means you will likely have to hire an attorney to help with this process...

[*MamaJen*]

I'm seriously thinking of this myself. Do you have an official custody ruling? I think if you're named sole managing conservator you might be able to make that decision on your own. Otherwise I believe you need his consent, or you need the judge to rule in your favor.

[SgtLilith]

I am in a very similar situation... my kids are young and don't know their last name.  I plan to try and see if I can have it hyphenated since my ex won't go for the full last name change.  You have to do it in court here (nj) and I dread the fight but I really want to get it done before they start school.  I have yet to even file for divorce because I fear all the legalities.

Good luck!

[Super~Single~Mama]

Even with sole custody I think you need his permission for a name change.  In my case its not worth it, so I won't be doing it - I just travel with a certified copy of our custody order, and have never had ANY problems whatsoever having a different last name.

[Sharon, RN]

I think, even if you have sole custody, that you would need his consent and a go to court to change her name.  

My older son is from my 1st marriage, and I hyphenated his last name (my maiden name-his father's last name).  I'm not thrilled with the hyphenated name, just because it seems like a PIA sometimes.  In the meantime, I've remarried and have my current husband's last name, and DS#2 has the same last name as DH.  So although DS#1 has a different name than me, his stepfather, and his brother, that has never been an issue for me.  Not at the doctor's office, or school, or parks and recreation activities.  It's just been a non-issue really. 

Good luck!

[incorrigible]

heh...when I remarried, my kids took dh's name. I had sole custody for erm 8 yrs or so? Xh had been dead for 2 yrs. I still had to prove I had attempted to contact him, and give him ample time to dispute the change. I was sorely tempted to include a noterized letter from a psychic stating we had been unsuccessful in attempting to locate/contact xh. lol Ds was 12, so he had to write out his own request for why he wanted to change his name. Luckily, the judge wanted to LEAVE so he didn't talk to the kids in private chambers to hear their opinions, but apparently he was "being lazy" that day.

Judges take changing kids names incredibly seriously. If your x doesn't consent, it's not happening. The possible scenarios that will allow it are 1) your ex consents, and signs the court docs for you. 2) your x doesn't care enough to show up to contest it 3) his parental rights are somehow terminated so there is no other parent to ask consent of.

If you try and fail, he can use it against you in custody hearings in the future. Parental alienation is a hot button topic in courts right now, and the courts seem to be looking to pin someone with it even when neither party is.

Sorry if I'm a little blunt tonight. I see it is, but I can't for the life of me think of softer ways to phrase things atm. =/

[Halfasianmomma]

I hear you on wanting that name change...I *wish* I could change DD's last name, but in the province I live, they take last names given at birth very seriously. The only reason I could get it changed is if her last name was "Hitler" or something that brought a lot of confusion. I've also heard through the grapevine that I could potentially have it changed in 5 or 6 years, after having used my last name as hers, but her biodad needs to have abandoned her completely, and since I've receiving 20$ here and there of C.S., he is considered to be still in the picture.