Please help!

[awaitingbambino]

I am currently 14 weeks pregnant and I am feeling VERY pressured by my ob to get a flu shot. I know its her job to do so but, she has me so convinced that because I have (light) asthma I must get a flu shot. She is also being very pushy about genetic testing...at some points even very demeaning in what she has said to me about the testing. I personally am not interested in getting either the shot or genectic testing. Thats what I need help with, I feel no matter how much research I do, when I walk into her office I feel overwhelmed with the info and "big" words she is throwing at me and completely forget most of my own personal beliefs on why I am doing what I am. I feel, in a word, stupid. This is starting to drive me insane! I just want someone to give me either a quick one liner or for someone to tell me what they did in a similar situation. The whole thing is starting to make my head spin!

TIA!!

~Morgan

[kitchensqueen]

You're at an early enough stage of your pregnancy that you may want to consider finding a new OB if you can. It sounds like her beliefs are radically different than yours, and it can be difficult to "go against" a doctor so set in their ways. And a doctor should never talk down to you and make you feel stupid. 

If for some reason you can't switch, you need to tell her frankly that you don't appreciate the way she talks to you and you would like to have things explained to you more clearly and have her listen to your opinion and questions on things. After all, this is your pregnancy and your baby! 

[Psmythe]

Switch if you can!  Look for your 'tribe' and see if anyone in the area has a recommendation of an OB/Midwife that shares more of your ideas!

If you can't, and you feel bullied and can't confront her on your own maybe you could bring someone with you to appointments! 

I'm thinking of switching myself, though I got excellent care from my current practice when my son was born last year, this time around they just seem to be dropping the ball on me... forgetting to schedule the tests I do want, not figuring my broken arm into my blood sugar readings and sending me for extra tests, just in general making me feel like they've got no idea what is going on!  It's scary.

[Kindermama]

Make a switch!  Flu shots contain mercury.  I had the flu when I was pregnant with DD3 and while it sucked, I lived. I took care of myself, keep myself as cool as possible and stayed in bed for a couple of days. No big deal! 

It's hard when you're a new pregnant mom. You're just learning how to listen to that intuition. These OBs are trained, in a way, to feed on our fears and anxieties. We want nothing but to protect our babies during pregnancy. The doctors mean well but they don't get the whole picture. Go for a midwife. They tend to get the whole picture and are more willing to go there with you when you want to weigh the pros and cons and be supported either way! 

[1love4ever]

I had the flu while pregnant too and with a lot of rest and good organic food you will get over it fast.  Also, since vaccines are not proven effective, especially not the flu shot because the flu virus mutates so often, I would not count on a scientists guess last year when the vaccines were made as to what the virus was going to mutate to this year.

I would certainly find a diff Dr(remember, there are also family practice Dr's who also do pregnancy and deliverys and they are Usually a little better about interventions and such than are OBs) or midwife.  If she is being pushy and demeaning towards you, well, that is just plain rude and would make me upset.  Obviously she does not respect or care about you or your feelings if she is acting the way that she is.

My quick thing that I would say to her is "NO, and that is my final answer.  Please do not bring it up again."   It is sad that you have to stand up for yourself like that, but it really sounds like you do.  And as your Dr she should want to have a good relationship with you, and this is not the way to do it.  My midwife's care is so different than the care that I recieved from my Dr last time and I love it!  It is so personal and caring and we always spend about an hour at each visit, just talking and stuff, and dont even notice the time going by, we are friends that just sit there having a conversation.  Anyway, good luck and do not do anything that you do not want to do.  I was in the nursing field and it is a fact that you have the right to refuse Any medical advice, treatment, intervention, etc that you choose.  That is your RIGHT, and she should not be acting this way.

[Shell29]

Switch OB's for sure :) It will be worth it. I don't ever get the flu shot (and neither do my kids, both of whom have autism and slightly weakened immune systems due to the autism.) I would certainly never get it while pregnant. I had the flu when pregnant with my daughter and it sucked but we made it through.

As far as genetic testing, that is 100% YOUR decision and the only person who should influence that decision at all, is your SO. I didn't do it with either of my kids (and again with this last pregnancy that I just lost.) When I told my doctor my reasoning he completely understood and respected me for it. There are many cases of false positives with the genetic testing, and I have anxiety issues as it is. Since I would have never terminated a pregnancy based on findings from that testing, I saw no need to do the testing, possibily get a false positive and then subject myself to months of worry and even more invasive testing.

[awaitingbambino]

Thanks everyone for the support! I was just feeling very emotionally fragile right after that appointment and felt as if I was the only one out there that even questioned such things. It feels good to know I'm not!

As for the midwife talk, our plan is to have a midwife and home birth. In our state (MI) we have health clinics called family health centers which has been where I go to see my gp for years now. My midwife suggested that I go to an ob there for the begining of my pregnancy since this is my first and I have family history of both miscarriage and still birth on both my and my husbands side of the family. I will not start seeing my midwife on a more regular basis until after my 20 week ultrasound and we're all in the clear. I did speak to midwife later about the vaccine and she pretty much just told me thats its not her choice to make for me and that I should trust my gut. So thats what I am going to do. I will be rejecting both the flu shot and genetic testing. I just wish I didnt have to go into my next appointment with sheilds up and ready for battle. But I guess thats all part of being a mommy!

Thanks again for the encouragement ladies!

[Quercus34]

Another thing I heard is that the flu shot this year is the same as the one last year.  So if you got one then you probably have the antibodies still.  If you cant switch or wait it out till you can transfer to your MW, just smile and firmly say "no"  if she continues to push and talk down to you let her know that you do not appreciate it and tell her exactly what she has done to overstep the line.  Some dr's truly don't get it.  I also like the idea of taking someone with you to your appointment.  That way you have moral support and feed back about the situation.  Good Luck!

[hildare]

just to throw this thought in there, if you end up (hopefully not!!) having to transfer away from the midwife after 20 weeks, would you have that same OB who wouldn't listen to you?  if so, you really need to consider switching now to prevent that situation. 

i personally would not get the flu shot, but even if you were trying to decide about that or genetic testing too, your OB needs to listen and discuss concerns with you.  an OB who won't listen or discuss isn't going to do this later on at your birth and will probably push you towards interventions at that time (if the ob is of the mind that those things are good/important).  at your birth you are very vulnerable and an OB who is pushy in that way is likely to get you a c-birth whether you need one or not. 

that OB is not setting you up for a peaceful mom-and-baby centered birth in any way whatsoever and if you feel pressured now, you are absolutely going to feel pressure later and it will be more difficult to counter that pressure when you're really worried or focused. 

head that off before it becomes an issue later!  even if you think you won't have that OB when you start with the midwife, if there's a possibility of transfer or having to go back, find somebody else to see if that does happen.

[kitchensqueen]

Originally Posted by hildare 

just to throw this thought in there, if you end up (hopefully not!!) having to transfer away from the midwife after 20 weeks, would you have that same OB who wouldn't listen to you?  if so, you really need to consider switching now to prevent that situation. 

i personally would not get the flu shot, but even if you were trying to decide about that or genetic testing too, your OB needs to listen and discuss concerns with you.  an OB who won't listen or discuss isn't going to do this later on at your birth and will probably push you towards interventions at that time (if the ob is of the mind that those things are good/important).  at your birth you are very vulnerable and an OB who is pushy in that way is likely to get you a c-birth whether you need one or not. 

that OB is not setting you up for a peaceful mom-and-baby centered birth in any way whatsoever and if you feel pressured now, you are absolutely going to feel pressure later and it will be more difficult to counter that pressure when you're really worried or focused. 

head that off before it becomes an issue later!  even if you think you won't have that OB when you start with the midwife, if there's a possibility of transfer or having to go back, find somebody else to see if that does happen.

I definitely agree with this, especially since your midwife was the one who recommended you see an OB for part of your care due to your family history. I'm curious to know whether this OB was recommended to your by your midwife? And is your midwife affiliated with the OB practice in any way? 

[dot1]

I had the flu at 36 weeks in my first pregnancy.  It sucked but we survived and I stayed hydrated (main thing) - it was a nasty respiratory one too.  I never get the flu shot (and I work in healthcare) - it's a crapload of propaganda to say that it protects people around you by getting the flu shot, when double blind randomized control trials have never proven it to be that effective.  Really, meticulous hand hygeine and staying home when sick is what protects people around you!  The research supporting the efficacy of flu shots is pretty sketchy at best and based on large population based studies, not case control.  In any case, it seems that everyone I know who gets the flu shot ends up getting the flu...and I get a flu about once every 4 or 5 years (and never get the shot)!  The year I got the flu, happened to be the year that they totally missed the strain of flu and the vaccine wasn't effective anyway!   I credit good nutrition and healthy sleep habits with not getting sick often.

It seems strange that an OB would pressure you about genetic testing.  The thing that sealed the deal for me to decline it was my question, "What diseases does it detect?  And are any of those still treatable in utero?"  Since the answer to the second question was "no" and I knew I could never personally choose to abort a baby with spina bifida or downs syndrome, then I decided that the stress of testing and possible amniocentesis (and the 1 in 200 risk of miscarriage - ie the baby DYING) was not at all worth the "knowing".  I deal better with surprises, rather than the stress and anticipation of knowing my child would have a disability.  I knew that no amount of preparation would actually prepare me for that, nor would it change the outcome...so I may as well try to enjoy my pregnancy and not worry.

It totally irritates me how OB's can get SO worked up over recommending antibiotics in  labour for group B strep (1 in 200 risk of severe GBS in baby if GBS positive mom declines antibiotics)....but they can be so BLASE about the risk to an unborn baby (miscarriage) during amniocentisis - which is the same level of risk, or actually higher, given that even fewer babies with GBS actually die from it.  Starting the blood testing is the first of a cascade of tests that can lead to the amnio....which may have never been necessary to begin with.  I'm by no means downplaying the severity of GBS or the concerns of parents who want to know if their baby has a problem...just pointing out the irony of OB's liberally recommending tests that in reality can lead to further testing that carries a significant level of risk to the unborn baby.  Sorry I can't quote sources for these stats, so feel free to correct me if I'm off...

I do wonder if OB's can bill for ordering and interpreting these blood tests, immunizations, etc.  (yes I'm a bit cynical...).  If you didn't mind being "fired" from her practice, you could ask this!

I would try to find another OB if you know she could end up being the one called in if you develop complications during midwifery care.  A good care provider makes you feel "supported".

[Autumn Breeze]

I am so glad your midwife said to listen to your gut.

And I have to agree with the previous posters who mentioned, will this person listen to you if you get risked out of your homebirth? Ask your midwife who she works with when she has to transfer a mom.

[Toposlonoshlep]

Not entirely accurate. Sanofi Pasteur makes Fluzone, a preservative (and therefore thimerosal) free vaccine. My OB's office as well as my ped's office only carry mercury-free flu shots for kids and pregnant women. In fact, mercury in flu shots has been outlawed in a handful of states (I know New York and Cali for sure) since 2006. With that said, I have never gotten a flu shot, have had the flu while pregnant, supported my immune system, and I'm still here. 
 

Originally Posted by Kindermama 

Make a switch!  Flu shots contain mercury.  I had the flu when I was pregnant with DD3 and while it sucked, I lived. I took care of myself, keep myself as cool as possible and stayed in bed for a couple of days. No big deal!