interviewing stranger babysitters!

[mom2tatum]

I am wrecked over the idea of it, but I recognize I need to pursue more babysitter options. Short term notice kind of babysitters mostly. I am a birth doula. My kids are 2 and 5. I was also recently diagnosed with some health problems that I need to address with a bunch of no-kid doc visits in the next few months, maybe longer. My scenarios and my options are always changing as far as child care, and I'm not completely content with my current 'best' options as is.

So, I joined care.com because I don't have any more friends with great availability or who live very nearby, etc. Oh, and no family to help out either unfortunately. I cannot even imagine leaving my precious children with someone I've just met - I seriously cannot. But I have three interviews set up tomorrow to at least meet these sitters. I need some suggestions on what I have to ask (as far as safety/common sense ?'s), how to get myself comfortable with this adjustment, etc. Please help! I'm literally sick over it...

I mean, how do I make sure my kids are protected/safe? References just don't feel enough, yk?

It's so hard not having family to fill these holes.

Thanks,

Concerned mama

x posted, mod's feel free to help me get this in the right place!

[LuckyMommaToo]

In your situation, number one to me would be to do at least two "mother's helper" dates where I was around (upstairs, or out back, or whatever) after they make it through the interview. Personally I wouldn't worry as much about specific questions but just want to get a sense of what kind of person the sitter is. Where did they grow up? What kind of schooling? I'd also want to communicate some of my expectations to see how they react, whether that's "we don't do tv" or "we only serve organic food" or whatever.

As a side note, have you let everyone you know you're looking for a sitter? I told DD's dance school receptionist and teacher, preschool teachers, kindy teachers, swim coaches, etc. And I did end up with two who we like. Having them nominally in my network was important to me for accountability.

Good luck! This will be okay.

-e

[lilmom]

I had to do the same thing a couple of years ago when we moved to a place far away from all our friends and family. I was sick over it too.
I agree with having them over in a "mother's helper" sort of way so that you see how they are with the kids..at least once or twice.

but before you even get there..Do not be afraid to interview a lot of people if you need to. I interviewed 8 ladies before I found the right person, and several more that I ruled out strictly on the basis of how they interacted with me on the phone. They didn't even make it to the interview, just because I figured if they were rude to me on the phone, or demanding, etc..there was no way.

This is an occasion where listening to your INSTINCT will serve you incredibly. Pay attention to it. If you get an off-vibe about someone, even if there resume is great, refs are great, and they say everything right, don't hire them.

When you meet someone who seems awesome, make sure you ask them about how they handle things with children, find out as much about them as you can in the interview. Try to just let them talk when you ask a question. You will learn much by listening.

Instincts, instincts, instincts. Go with them. That's my best advice. I found an absolutely wonderful girl to be my son's nanny when I was working PT and she became part of our family, truly. We love her and will always keep in touch with her, now that she has moved away. I hope you find someone equally wonderful!

[Mittsy]

We plan on using the majority of the questions from this list. I would also make sure to have a background check done, in addition to the references.

https://www.gavindebecker.com/resources/child_safety/questions_to_ask_potential_nannies/

[Orionsmama]

We are going through the same thing right now. It IS so scary. We live close to a University so I have been interviewing college students and have had pretty good luck. I am requiring a background check and references but for the most part I too, like lilmom said you must rely on instinct. I think you can get a pretty good feel for a person by an hour chat with them. We have found a graduate student that we really like but to start out we are just having her stay with our LO for short periods, an hour or two to see how it goes. Good luck, Im sure you'll find the right fit.

[LROM]

Totally just went through this about 5 months ago, and actually am still registered at Care.com because I want to find a good back up sitter in case our new main one doesn't work.

I found that you really need to think about what's most important for YOUR peace of mind - what things are you most worried about?  Find ways to ask them about it.  I also found it VERY interesting to watch them respond to my dd.  The sitter we ended up liking best and using was one of the last I interviewed, and while she was attentive to my questions, she almost kinda ignored me and was totally focused on playing with dd.  I didn't even get through half of my questions before they were playing and I kinda drifted to the back of the house to just listen to how they interacted.  I did ask all my questions before it was all over, but despite what everyone had written in their care.com profiles, this sitter's ability to engage my daughter immediately, go along with the games she wanted to play, plus some other things I noticed about her, that all was more important than the verbal answers to my questions.

For me safety - not just child safety but neighborhood/house safety is very important.  I liked that the sitter was leaving after the 1st interview, then rang the bell a few minutes later to ask if I knew the guy in the car across the street because he'd been there for awhile.  I REALLY liked that she noticed that and was concerned.  Turned out not to be an issue, but it was good to me that she noticed.

I guess the point of all this is that the PP's post about "mothers helper sessions", i.e. paying a sitter but staying home and trying to stay in the background for a couple visits, that will give you a lot of info.

Likewise, it was more how other sitters did (or didn't) interact with dd that ruled the rest of them out.  The one who looked best on paper was actually one of our least favorites after meeting her a couple of times. 

Then there's the nudist, former model babysitter who I ruled out as much because she was super late for the appointment as I did because on the 2ned visit she told me she was a nudist, didn't lock her doors (we live in a big city!), and seemed too interested in my husband... but that's a story for another thread LOL!

One question I did find useful to ask each one: tell me a time when a child was injured while you were watching them and tell me what happened/how you handled it.  I didn't assume everyone had had a child injured, but I asked it just like that to kinda take the pressure off of them lying and saying "Oh, no child's ever been injured with me".  Every single sitter had a story and I learned a lot from them.  I also asked how they dealt with toddler tantrums, since dd is 2.  I learned a lot from their answers, though I learned more when dd melted down in front of a few of them and I just asked them how they'd handle it while she was melting down.

Btw make sure you're very clear up front with prospective sitters that you're looking for someone who's avail on short notice.  Also make sure you're clear with yourself, and then clear with them, about how often you expect to need someone.  You can always adjust it if you need to, but being clear about expectations up front saves you and them a lot of precious time. 

Good luck finding someone!