Edited by brokenheart - 9/14/11 at 4:51am
Wow, I feel like I know how you feel, although my experiences aren't probably the same, although they feel similar. It feels like other women have close friendships where they can call people up when things are going badly, and they can cry and get support. Or they will go out together and have a drink or whatever. They can go to movies together, or plays or what have you. I just don't have that. I have a very asocial husband and asocial children. My family really doesn't want to do anything but stay home and play on their computers. Most of my social activity had come through my children, but now my kids are not wanting to do any activities, so I feel like I'm losing a place where I at least see familiar people. I still have church, but sometimes I think I should just get a job, or something.
I have had friends and I thought we were close, but then they fade or cut things off, or what have you. Or they do a lot of things with their kids, and they invite me and my kids, but my kids don't want to go, and it is probably a little weird for me to leave my kids at home and try and hang out with people.
I know that when people move away, it's not really worth trying to keep up a relationship because people aren't willing to keep up a relationship with me even when we are in town. And most people are busy, but being busy is also an excuse you use when you want to end a relationship without drama, so I'm not really sure what it means anymore. I do have one friend, a guy I knew in college and lived with for awhile. We talk several times a week. He basically works, then goes home and plays computer games, but while he's driving home, he likes to talk on the phone because it helps him with his road rage. He's gay and hasn't been in a relationship for years, so his social outlet comes through work and he's still does things with my family. I know if I still lived near him, we'd do a lot more things together.
I moved cross country about 16 years ago, and I wish I could go home again, but I don't think I can. I wish I at least had my sisters and my college friend nearby. My sisters will go for months and never talk to me, because they are bogged down with their own lives, but if they need something from me they get in contact. I feel sometimes like I should have another baby, just to get more mamas with babies friends, but really, that ship has sailed. But I do have a lot of friendly contact with people, which is nice.
Oh well, I don't have any answers for you, but this seems to be such a common theme on this board at times.
Yes true. I know people truly are busy, but being busy would never be an excuse to end a friendship UNLESS you just can't be bothered.
My DH is busy, and his friends are busy. Yet they always seem to make time for each other. Even just squeezing in a quick drink somewhere or if they are going to be close to our neighborhood they will call to meet for lunch etc. And the people I know who have great friends are busy but their friends still manage to make time for them.
I feel this has to be something about ME, but I honestly am not sure what. I don't stalk my friends or whine non-stop about problems or bug them for favors. I am a great listener. During the period of time when we are friends, they seem to really like me and have time for me, so I must be somewhat fun to be with. I'm pretty easy going. It just feels like after a period of time, the friendship has run its course (whatever that means) and dies. I can see it coming a mile away now -- reminds me almost of a romantic relationship in where one partner starts to pull away. EXCEPT this is not a romantic relationship!! There is no reason why they need to end our friendship. And asking flat-out if something is wrong doesn't help at all. I tried it once and got denial and the whole "soooo busy" spiel.
I also struggle to make friends in the first place. I'm introverted and it takes me a while to really trust someone and get to know them. Which is why it is so disappointing to lose a friend when I finally make a good one. After really connecting and having fun for several years, it is a kick in the head when they just decide "that's enough". LOL DH makes good friends so easily. It is almost like they are falling out of the sky for him. And it doesn't matter if someone moves away -- he has remained good friends with someone who even moved out of the country. I only moved 1 hour away in one case and my friend dumped me.