How do you deal with homework refusal? - Page 2

[meemee]

Originally Posted by mistymorning 

Ok I'm going to be the oddball here.  But I come from a Waldorf background, and don't believe children should have homework until the later grades.  This year my 2nd grader has to go to a different school, and I have a kindergartner also. Before we left the waldorf school, I asked the principal about this issue coming up, and she told me that they aren't going to "fail" my children or hold them back (unless of course they need to be held back because they're just not ready for the next grade), and that if getting their report card bothered me, throw it away.  So, I told the teachers up front that I would not force homework, if they wanted to do it then great, but I wasn't going to turn it into a battle, and I gave them my reasons.  They both said ok.  The school year is young, but both teachers seemed fine with it and really didn't care. 

i am not sure i understand. so now your kids are at a non waldorf school and they dont have to do hw? their teachers are ok with it? i have heard this from some moms online, but IRL i have never come across this in my city. in regular public schools. IRL the teachers work with the family/student and get reduced or more interesting or challenging/simpler work but nada? never so far.  

its interesting - the middle school teachers here tell me which school they can identify their kids come from based on how well they do in their class esp. with hw. those who have done hw in intermediate elementary - intensive hw that takes longer than 10 mins have no problems fitting into the middle school where the amount of hw in my city just goes up exponentially.

however at both our waldorfs - public and private - the amount of hw they get in upper grades (not sure when hw starts) the amount of hw and project work is way above and beyond regular public school and many drop out of the high school waldorf here because of the amount of 'work'. i had no idea of that aspect of waldorf until i met some of the students there.  

 

[kayleesmom]

Agrees with others if my daughter doesn't want to do her homewrk then she deals with consequences with teacher. Hugs

[4Marmalade]

Originally Posted by Imakcerka 

I see what you're saying marmalade, however I don't think 7 year olds are great at time management yet. If I'm setting the schedule and making it easier now, I know I need to find a way to eventually back off. I'm hoping to ease out of the sit down with DD1 by the beginning of winter, I'll keep up with DD2 until she hits the 3rd grade and will try the same ease off approach. I don't want to make them dependent on me but I don't want to come across as not setting the bar for them either.

I just wanted to clarify that in my response I did say that I did still help with time management .  My ds's "homework" this weekend was to decorate his writing book cover.  He had all weekend but he still ended up doing it Sunday night.  Some days are better than others.

[EarthRootsStarSoul]

My son has been doing better lately.  He had to stay in from recess to finish his homework once, and that seems to be motivation enough. 

Just in the interest of discussion, I don't think it's acceptable to neglect to teach children work ethic and time management skills.  Tough love isn't always the answer (suffering consequences), when you can put in place the support of structure, homework help, and expectations. 

[pianojazzgirl]

Originally Posted by EarthRootsStarSoul 
Just in the interest of discussion, I don't think it's acceptable to neglect to teach children work ethic and time management skills.  Tough love isn't always the answer (suffering consequences), when you can put in place the support of structure, homework help, and expectations. 

I absolutely agree with this.  I was one who said that if my dd chooses not to do her homework the it is up to her to explain why to the teacher (ie. deal with the consequences at school).  But I in no way meant that to imply that I'm not actively working to teach her time management skills and work ethic - I am!  For me though, I will encourage, suggest, help, set up a routine, etc, but I will not enter into a power struggle if she is *really* fighting me about doing homework.  At that point I will allow her to learn what the teacher's/school's consequence is for not doing her work.  IMO it is the school who assigns the work.  My job is to help her be in a space (mental and physical) where she is able to focus on the work, to make sure she has the time to do it built into her day, to help her where she needs help, offer organizational suggestions, etc.  But in the final analysis homework is between her and the school.

[mistymorning]

Meemee-

Yes, they are both at a nonwaldorf, public (but alternative) school.  They are only in Kindergarten and 2nd grade-maybe as they get older it will be different-but both teachers said ok, they respect that.  Maybe I got lucky?

And I want to clarify that I am not teaching my kids to be irresponsible or anything-and I do see the value in work outside of the classroom-but not at this young of an age.  There are a lot of other ways to teach kids responsibility and to value their work.

[mistymama]

I hate homework, it's boring busywork in my opinion. And for my son, he already knows the material so it's just a waste of all of our time. He's got a teacher this year that really likes to pile it on too.

That said, it's what is required of him, and I expect him to do it. If he does not get it done at home he'll have to stay in and complete it at recess the next day .. but I don't allow that to happen - we do the homework at home and send him to school prepared. I think that's an important work ethic lesson, yes, even at age 8, 3rd grade. I mean what kind of lesson is it teaching him that all the other kids in his class have to do something, but he doesn't because we don't agree with the theory of homework? That's not right, at all. If we can't play by the rules, we should send him where we can.

Last night he had a ton of homework. I was not happy about it, and neither was ds. But we sat down, had a nice snack and did as much as we could. When he started getting frustrated, we stopped and agreed to finish it early in the morning before school. NOT finishing is simply not an option in our house.

If he refused, we would not being doing any screen time, playing with friends, etc until our homework is done. But as things stand now, I find he does better doing his homework while I cook dinner, after having several hours to chill out, play with friends and just be away from any responsibilities.

[meemee]

Originally Posted by EarthRootsStarSoul 

I don't think it's acceptable to neglect to teach children work ethic and time management skills. 

 i dont teach dd this coz i have no idea how to 'teach' it. how do you teach work ethic? how do u teach time management without being a nag. for me time management is a natural consequence. she gets the structure in school. and at home she takes time over one thing then she doesnt have time to take care of something else.

i think for me the key has been dd realising that choice is always a positive and negative at the same time. so making a choice is not such a bad thing. i think starting at 5 has really helped her with that.

and therefore our first grade experiment helped her to not let hw drag her down. there are things we all have to do we dont like. you try to do as much as u can to the best of ur ability at that time - which could be dismal sometimes and outstanding at other times.

honestly i myself kinda dont believe in work ethic. i think it has been overplayed in this culture (again corporations and work force is the root of this issue - which i think is the root issue of most problems here) and been completely redefined. dd does not need to learn from me. she gets to see that from all around her. so i really i guess de 'ethicize work' for her. i dont expect her to do her best all the time. i keep telling her i hope she never chooses to work 8 hours a day ever in her life unless her work IS play. i am ok with her being a slacker when she needs to and i encourage her to be a slacker sometimes. i feel so many people dont take downtime. dd's dad is a type A personality always on the go go go without stopping to smell the roses. i remind dd she doesnt HAVE to be that way. she can be whoever SHE decides to be and i will support that. so slacker i dont mind as long as she is having FUN. i'd rather see her get a C in class and have fun, rather than get an A without any fun.

[Imakcerka]

It's setting a schedule and utilizing other sources.  DD1 Has a schedule, she gets home we talk and then I do homework with DD2 (usually reading).  Once that's accomplished DD1 who has been relaxing for about 20 minutes comes over and does her homework with me.  On days I'm at work, DH tells me that they come home and sit at the table with whatever he got them as snack and do their homework together.  DD1 Helps DD2 and they ask DH if they need him.  They do this on their own when I'm not there.  DH doesn't tell them they have to, however they've gotten into the routine and know once it's done they have the rest of the day to play.  The days they didnt get it out of the way, they're struggling to stay awake to get it done.  That's not a good choice and they realize it.  It takes me reminding them, but I'm not battling them.  They've learned that it's a better choice for all involved to do it this way.  My friends daughter is older and sometimes I pick her up from school and she's the same way.  She goes straight to the table and all four of us get it done together then do something fun.