help me with my mother

[justrying]

so I need some help...my mother is a classic narcissist...sex issues (invalidity in her marriage with my dad)...gambling...alchohol,drugs...she's very complex...she is in a new marriage and despite her poor choices for her life, she is kind and loving..I have a 5yr old and a 3yr old, that she loves very much and wants to be a part of their lives..I have layed down boundaries as far as drugs and alcohol go..but my husband is concerned her "personality disorder" will rub off on our children...what should I do? help

[philomom]

Play wait and see. Don't let her be alone with them. Always be nearby during their visits to make sure she's not messing with their heads. Sorry.

[little feet]

I agree, don't let your mom be alone with your children.  People with NPD always have an ulterior motive; it's always about them and never about others.  Not to say that your mother is the same as mine, but my mother needs the appearance of being a good grandmother.  She'll take pictures of the kids and then be "done" with them.  She has gotten mad at me for not sending enough pictures she can show off, but she doesn't do anything to care for them in real life.  She'll read a book to them only because she actually thinks she gets "points" for doing so. But if they try to cuddle with her in the bed, she'll actually get out of the bed.  She'll brag about them to strangers, but won't brush their teeth, even if they beg her to!  When they're sick, she couldn't care less.  She doesn't care about their milestones if it doesn't make her look good.  She actually got mad once when the two year old wouldn't hug her; she felt slighted!  She's never even once tried to visit my older daughter (now 6) at school.

She will, however, send cards that say "I love you."  It is so confusing for the kids.

Watch her like a hawk.

[kayleesmom]

my mom is same way. big hugs i say do the wait and see but dont let her be alone with kids. my mom has messed with my kids heads many times and it is very hard to deal with. big hugs.